


J Shute's Oneshots, Drabbles and Commissions

by J_Shute



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Drabbles, F/M, oneshots, various short stories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 49,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22630597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Shute/pseuds/J_Shute
Summary: A collection of my smaller stories and misc oneshots. Includes fluff files done for Cimar's collection, Patreon stories and other random plot bunnies later on.
Relationships: Judy Hopps/Nick Wilde
Comments: 135
Kudos: 122





	1. Brave, Loyal, Helpful, Trustworthy

**AN: This first is where I'm putting all my assorted bits and bobs. First off will be my fluff files oneshots, which Cimar released as part of his colab.**

**Then there'll be the shorts I've done, followed by assorted bits and bobs.**

**First off, the Fluff File: B L H T**

**.**

**.**

Judy spent her first week giving out parking tickets. It was getting boring, though she took solace in the fact that she'd be getting a partner when he returned from paternity leave in a few days.

Until then, more parking tickets, which today meant walking along a dark street, ticket machine in paw. Work, work, work… She paused though as she spotted a flash of red from the other side of the road. Turning to face it, she saw a little red fox kit running along. She couldn't help but feel curious about what he was up to. Maybe up to mischief? He seemed too young to be out on his own playing. Her eyes followed him as he climbed some steps, and she noticed he had a familiar green uniform. A look to the side, and she saw that Ranger Scouts troop 914 was meeting inside.

Not what she was expecting, she noted with a shrug. Crossing over the road, she began ticketing cars on the other side, when her ears rose up with a jolt. _"What did I do wrong guys?"_ It was a child, a frightened one, and seeing the door was open she ran in. _"You really thought we would trust a fox without a muzzle?"_ She flicked the light on and, looking down, her heart shattered. The little fox kit lay on the ground, back against the wall and trembling, a police issue muzzle strapped on tight. Much larger mammals, who she'd only realise were all prey much later, towered around him. "Let him go!" she ordered. Some of them were scared. A few not. One laughed. But the little kit ran up the stairs, a haunting shell-shocked look on his face, and past her waiting arms. She paused for a moment as his rejection stung, before turning back to the other kids. More were laughing now. "Don't you dare move!" she warned them, before following the kit out.

She found him standing against the stair wall, struggling to take the muzzle off.

"Hello?"

Glancing at her, he shuffled right back into a corner, his head turning away as he raised his arms.

"I'm not going to hurt you," she said, offering out a paw. "I'm a police officer. I can help take that thing off of you." Looking at her, trembling as he did so, he slowly came forwards, working up the trust to have her remove the infernal thing. He stared at her throughout the process of unlatching it, before he broke down into a set of deep breaths. Judy just looked at the ruffled up fur and the raw cuts, before she glanced at his eyes. His broken, trembling, misting over eyes. She saw him try ever so hard to keep in that first sob, and she was there to hug him when the second came. There to hold him and pet him as he bawled out every bit of pain that he'd experienced. She stood by him, her only other concern being that the others wouldn't leave. In all that time, she managed to ask him some questions. The answer to the first one was "Nick".

Not long later, the scoutmaster came. Here for the meeting, starting a full half an hour after the time the fox had been told to come. He listened in closely as officer Hopps told him what she'd seen. He saw the muzzle, how it had come here nobody knew, and he saw the broken little fox. His ranger scouts were too young to face criminal charges. They were easily old enough to be screamed at, and forever barred from the ranger scouts. The scout master asked if Nick wanted to carry on here, or join another troop. He shook his head, saying he didn't like the scouts anymore.

It was sad, but Judy walked him home. She gave him happy words of advice and tried to cheer him up. She noticed a change come over him when she said that he, more than any of those others, was 'brave, loyal, helpful and trustworthy.' It was like a weight had been lifted from him, and there was a spring in his steps as he led her towards a maze of concrete blocks and estates that had notoriety even outside the city. He knew the confusing walkways like the back of his paw though, and soon they were at his flat and let in. His mother peered out, nervous at first before warming up as she learnt everything. Judy ended up talking to her a lot, even discounting the amount of time needed to dissuade her from seeking revenge. In the end, she decided to follow her late husband's philosophy on the matter… -That revenge was a dish best served cold.

Judy shrugged. Better than nothing. She ended that day saying farewell to little Nick and promising to keep in touch. As she left, he hugged her tight. "I used to want to be a ranger scout," he said, "but now I want to be a police office!."

"There's never been a fox cop," his mother noted.

Judy smiled. "Than he'll have to be the first." Her smile was true and wide. It was the first time she had ever felt like a real cop.


	2. Jailbuns and Prison Foxes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: Ever seen art of Nick and Judy chained up and in prison jumpsuits? Ever noticed that many have a very angry looking Judy looking at a certain fox? Ever wondered how our dynamic duo ended up like that? Want to get illegally fluffy too? Then read on.

**JailBuns and Prison Foxes**

**.**

"Carrots? Caarooottts?" There was a silent pause, before Nick huffed and peered out over the edge of his prison bunk. "Look, even you have to admit that this is all a silly misunderstanding! More importantly, one day, _-in-the-not-too-distant-future_ , we'll be able to look back at this and laugh!"

…

"HaHaHaaaa…." He jokingly chuckled, a grin growing on his face. "See, already!"

…

His voice trailed off into silence, and his ears folded back. All he could do was curl up on his thin prison cell mattress and sulk. It wasn't supposed to be like this! It almost wasn't! They got what they wanted, didn't they? Only it all fell apart afterwards, because of course it would. All that time encouraging Judy to do it. All that sneaking about in the back of the ZPD. Finding the right stores selling the right goods and everything. Turning up at the right place and right time and celebrating their victory! And now…

"Nick," Judy interrupted sternly, his ears rising. "Next time, we dress as Bonnie and Foxy. End of!"

He snorted, remembering how he'd described that choice for Jack and Skye's annual Halloween costume party as unoriginal, how it wouldn't win them 'best couple', and how he had a better idea. Grab some jail uniforms that the ZPD's small lockup had thrown out, repair them, buy some shackles and chains and presto! Perfect group costume. It had won, hadn't it? Not his fault someone took his wallet, the shackle keys with it. Not his fault a dim cop arrested them, and after processing his 'newly captured fugitives' chose to throw them in a cell…

Judy had been angry at first, trying to argue, but then she'd just glared at the fox she was chained to. The bun was mad.

Very mad.

"Are you okay?" he asked, pausing as he heard her laugh. There was a bit of shaking, and he watched her climb up onto his bunk. Clad in a saggy orange one-piece back-zipped uniform just like he was, he noted that the she most definitely looked better on the other side of the law. At least they had some keys for the chains here, so those could be removed.

"Fine," she said, "and sorry for being so moody. Just…" She gestured down at herself.

Nick laughed. "Yeah." He watched his bunny climb under the covers and snuggle up next to him.

"Any things you can do to keep yourself entertained here?"

Nick replied in faux outrage. "The simple notion that I'd be privy to such a topic! For shame!"

She giggled and snuggled in closer. "We need something to do until that idiot works out we're clean… Or Bogo marches in here tomorrow as we're late."

"Hopefully we'll get time to collect our souvenirs," Nick joked. "We can grab our mugshots and put them on mugs!"

Judy smiled, gently fussing his ear. "Speaking of mugs, let's do that thing where we rattle them backwards and forwards on the bars! Do the whole jail bucket list!"

"Or smuggle in a poster and see how much time and pressure we can apply to the wall behind it!"

She laughed before relaxing, and their eyes met, and it all seemed okay. "Or," she said, gently kissing him on his nose. "We treat this as the ultimate lazy weekend. Just you and me."

"Carrots," he said, smiling as he stroked her cheek. "I think I love the sound of that."


	3. Bald

**AN: And now for number 3.**

.

Judy couldn't help but feel embarrassed as she was ushered into the private groomers. Stepping into a booth, slowly removing her patrol clothes and suit and watching as they were binned, she gritted her teeth as the groomer herself walked in.

"Oh gosh Hon," she gawked, Judy's nose twitching indignantly in return. "What happened to you?"

"We were chasing a weasel," she replied, her voice clipped. "He led us into a warehouse and began knocking out the shelves. It turns out the warehouse imported spices and, in case you haven't noticed, my partner and I had a large amount of ground turmeric dumped onto us." Taking a calming breath, which didn't really do much, she muttered out her request. "And as it won't come out and stains everywhere, I need my fur clipped. So, would you kindly just get on and do it."

"Well I guess," she said, studying the bunny before her. Her tail, face, ears and feet were all painted a vibrant orange hue that wouldn't come out for rhyme or reason. "Won't it shampoo out?"

Judy placed a paw on the mammal's chest, a faint imprint left there, and she smiled in the most sickly-sweet way she could. "Tenth time might be the charm, Hon."

The rest of the stay was thankfully quiet, only the sound of clippers working sounding out as Judy watched her stained areas get clipped away, bare skin revealed beneath. The cold air nipped at her, especially her poor ears, while getting her face cleaned up was annoying. It was all over soon enough though, and she was given a thick robe to wrap around her and some slippers. An officer would be driving her home, keeping her ridiculous appearance private, and she'd be given a few weeks of leave to grow it all back.

She entered in and cranked the temperature right up, given how the normal air now nipped at her exposed extremities. With a grumble, and a quick reversing of a hanging mirror, she settled in. Not before finding a pair of jeggings, tying up the leg holes, and placing them over her cold ears that was. Not long after the door rattled, and she turned to face it. "Hey Nick, how…"

She went quiet as she saw a figure race straight into one of the bedrooms, slamming the door hard behind him. "Nick?" she asked. Even through their covers her ears heard his cries, and she raced forwards, knocking on the door. "Nick!"

"Go away," he sobbed. She ignored him, opening the door, only to flinch back at his pained whimper. He'd pulled the covers up over himself, but she could still him tremble. "I told you…!" he gasped out. "C-C…"

"Look at me Nick," she said softly, walking forwards. "It's okay. I was shaved too."

Slowly his covers went down, and she saw the bizarre bald face of her friend. He looked like a stranger. With his head fur gone, his ears stuck out so much that he almost looked like Finnick, while his eyes almost seemed to bulge out. They were red and raw, and she saw the glistening tear stains on his cheeks. "They did all of me," he choked out, his lips quivering, and Judy saw bare skin at his midriff. She'd been caught in the splash, but two bags had been dumped right onto him. She saw him still quivering and realised that it wasn't fear, it was cold. No wonder he had the blankets over him. "Let's get the heat up," she said, picking up the remote for the aircon and turning it onto heating mode. She jumped in, pausing as he flinched, a pitiful canine whine escaping from his throat. "We can snuggle with each other, keep ourselves warm," she said, only for him to back away. She didn't know why. "Nick…" Her gaze lowered just a little and -SNAKE!

Shocked, she scooted back, while Nick yipped and went for it. She just about managed to calm down before she noticed that he was holding it. It wasn't a snake. It was what was left of his tail, the bush gone and replaced with an alien stick… A straw… A thing…

"Oh Nick," she tried to say, only for her fox to glance down at his shorn pride and joy and collapse into tears. A tail meant so many things to a mammal, many more to a fox, and his had been violated and humiliated. Tarnished…

He carried on crying, petting the thing as if it would make it all grow back. Throughout that, his bunny was at his side. Words of comfort, and petting, and kisses and hugs. He needed time to get over this. He needed her too. She knew this. That's why she was there, making his world a better place. And no one would be able to drag her away.


	4. Office Tradition

**Fluff files 4: Office Tradition.**

**.**

**(AN: A tribute to an office tradition at my place of work, taken to its illogical conclusions)**

**.**

Judy hadn't intended to start anything.

She'd gone back home to celebrate her birthday in the burrows. Just a weekend trip, that was all. Her parents, happy to see her home, had ordered a great big delivery from Gideon's bakery. Hot and crispy pies, and buttery shortbreads, and all manner of cakes, crumpets, croissants and all sorts of baked goods that didn't even begin with a C.

Far too much for Judy to eat in any case. Almost too much for the Hopps family. So, when going home, the bunny cop had awkwardly taken a few cases with her on the train. The next day, she laid out a carrot cake on top of some drawers at the end of her cubicle line at the precinct. A cutting knife was laid out, and little napkins to use instead of plates, with the intention that officers could help themselves. Nick took a slice, as did Bogo and Fangmeyer and Wolfard and all the rest. Clawhauser took one and then, as not much had been eaten, took another little bit later. He silently apologised as he did so, before departing.

The process repeated itself at the end of the day, when he took the last little bit. The cake was gone. That should have been the end of it.

In Judy's defence, it was a certain dumb fox who officially 'made it a thing'. His April birthday, not longer after Judy's early March one (her oldest littermate, born earlier, technically only got her birthday every four years), would involve the standard drinks and such. Coming in for work though, he involved something else. Baked goods. A carrot cake in return for Carrots' one, a whole load of blueberry muffins as his favourite, and a big box of donuts. "I know my people," he said, and so he did. They slowly came, just about finishing off the food by the end of the day. Clawhauser in particular helped with that, unable to stop himself from walking by whenever he could, and apologetically taking a little of something each time.

When it was Wolfard's birthday, he brought in two trays of donuts, cupcakes, some plastic tubs from the supermarket filled with little fudge brownies and flapjacks, and a selection of giant muffins. It turned out that Francine had been holding back, not wanting to be seen as greedy. She gushed at length at how nice it was to be able to join in, so that was a new future requirement. Giant muffins for the megafauna, and Clawhauser. It kept him away for a whole day but, on the second (for this was the first time it took more than one day to finish it all) he did sample some of the smaller nibbles.

Fangmeyer then splashed out at the bakery after her birthday. Everything came in big sizes due to her size, and the range was wider than ever before. It took three days to finish everything, the portly cheetah leading the charge.

Bogo's day came, the Francine's, then Grizzoli's. Each time, it was a point of pride to either bring in more or have a gimmick. Nick wondered where it would all end.

Then, coming up to the precinct one day, Judy saw Gideon's van parked outside. "Oh Sweet Cheese and Crackers…"

"Just got the third lot offloaded!" he boasted, before Judy raced past him. The offices were covered in what looked like the entire stock of the bakery. There were things she couldn't name, and giant portions of what she could, and enough donuts to make her feel ill.

There was a chuckle from behind her, and she turned to see Clawhauser, a party hat on his head.

"I had to return the favour!" he said, before bringing up a party horn and blowing it happily.

Judy gawked at him, then looked around, then shrugged. "Happy birthday Ben!" she said with a cheery wave, before diving right towards a carrot cake cheesecake.


	5. Pup in the Pouch

**Fluff File 5: Pup in the Pouch.**

**AN: The next fic is based on Koraru-San's OC's, Eliot and Chloe. It was prompted due a to very cute, but highly inaccurate, comic made of them. This is how they actually do it down under.**

.

When Nick joined Judy at precinct one, so did Eliot Fanghanel. Lots could be said about the white wolf, and about his wife too. Chloe Fanghanel, a thylacine (Tasmanian tiger), soon became one of Judy's best friends. The four often hung out, and here and there Judy noticed things. On a beach day the bunny got a bit embarrassed when Chloe didn't wear anything up top, just at the bottom like the boys.

"Why would I? There's nothing to hide," she said innocently. It was true. Being a marsupial, she didn't have exposed nipples (and, as Eliot embarrassingly pointed out, no belly button either). Later on, when Chloe exited the water, she looked pregnant. She then leant over to let water pour out of her pouch, returning her to normal. "They used to face down on us, but after evolving we then evolved up facing ones," she noted, before joking about how awkward it was for those still born 'facing down'.

Judy didn't think about it again until a certain fateful shopping trip.

"In here!" Chloe begged, pulling Judy into a disable bathroom. Locking the door, she settled down paws over her stomach and teeth gritted, the bunny utterly confused.

"With your stomach cramps, don't you…" Judy began, her eyes widening as she began stripping.

"Not cramps," Chloe wept slightly. Judy saw the pain in there, but also a lot of joy. Chloe cracked a smile towards her blushing friend. "We Marsupials don't get much notice!"

"Notice for what?!"

"For…" she began, before wincing up slightly. Her head tilted up, she breathed in and out a few times, before a groan of pain turned into tears of joy. "Oh gosh…" she gasped. "I'm… I'm a…"

Judy looked down, her mouth hanging open in shock. "Oh sweet cheese and crackers."

.

* * *

.

In Precinct one, Nick and Eliot were sitting down to lunch when the fox's phone rang. He picked it up, listened in, and then calmly placed it down. "Eliot, Judy says your wife just gave birth."

Eliot laughed as his own phone rang. "Hi Pumpkin," he said happily, before immediately fainting.

.

* * *

.

They named him Daniel. He was about as big as one of Nick's fingers, so not that big at all, and he still looked more like a jellybean than a pup, bald and red skinned all over. He was alive and well though. After being born, he'd climbed up Chloe's front and dropped down into her pouch, latching onto a teat. "It'll be months before he lets go," she said, gently rubbing her pouch while having coffee with the others about an hour later. She was perfectly calm, which added to the surrealness of it all. "-Then he'll start peeking out. Aged one or so, he'll start going out on all fours."

Eliot, who was still taking it all in, managed to smile. "Then lots of time to get a baby shower and decorate a nursery and do all that, Pumpkin. Isn't that right?"

"Yeah," she joked, pausing as her husband came over. The big white wolf liked taking lots of little peeks at his son.

He found it strange, but fun. Chloe was very mobile, happy to carry on working, albeit wearing a ' _Joey_ _on board_ ' badge. There were no clothes to buy, no screams in the night, no diapers to change, though she bought some cloth pouch liners which needed washing when changed. Together they decorated a slightly more grown up nursery for him, as he'd be older when he needed it. She got some looser clothes, many with a 'peeking hole' that would be on top of her pouch, for later on. Eliot always asked for peeks, or the chance to lay his ear against her belly. It was like she was pregnant, just pregnant on the outside, meaning he could reach down, tears in his eyes, and stroke little Daniel as he grew and slowly gained fur. He loved him. They both did.

Months later, after a tiring shift, Eliot came home. He had dinner, and he was about to kiss his wife when she told him to stop. She held her paw against her pouch, stroking it, and began crying. The hole slowly widened up and out popped a tiny head. He had thin sandy fur, black stripes, floppy black ears and a tiny body that looked like a new-born or even premature cub. But he held onto his mother and peeked out, his blinking eyes slowly looking at the world for the first time.

"Hello there Danny," Eliot said, crying and trembling with joy as he knelt down, giving his son a kiss and a grooming lick for the first time. "I'm your daddy. Welcome to the world." Little Daniel looked at him with his beautiful pale blue eyes, now open wide, and giggled, before he raised his head, a quivering first howl ringing out. "That's my boy!" Eliot said proudly, wiping tears from his eyes as he did so, before raising his own head and howling out with his son for the very first time.


	6. The Office of Chief Ramic

**Fluff file 6: The Office of Chief Ramic.**

**.**

**Precinct 2. 13:00 hours… Chief Ramic's office.**

**.**

Inside, a scene of major importance was playing out. The big kangaroo sat at his desk, his eyes focussed in concentration and a quivering and excited grin on his face. Slowly, he opened up a case, gasping at what lay within. 3-D printed figurines. Unable to hold in an 'aaawww', he slowly pulled the first one out, examining the details of the red fox officer. It was perfect. Holding it carefully, he began hop-walking it towards the edge of the desk. "Oh, why are things so unfair?" he said, making the fox peer over. "Why am I still judged as nothing but a shifty fox? After all I've done? Maybe they're right! Maybe I should just jump… -Nobody could ever love a fox like me."

"I could," Ramic then said in a higher pitch voice, as he pulled a Judy Hopps figure out of the case. "I do, and I always have! Come here my big dumb fox. Life would be cold and empty without you!"

"Oh Judy," he went, hopping the fox figure right up to the bunny cop one. "You are the light in my darkest days, and I was always so scared that you'd reject me. That my confession would disgust you. I've loved you ever since you came back and apologised. And now I know you love me back."

"Yes," 'Judy' replied, hopping up to plant a kiss on Nick's nose. "We can live happily ever after."

"NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!" Ramic said ominously in a deep voice. The duo both turned back to the case, and a striped jackrabbit in a suit. "It is I! A cliché secret agent Jack Savage, with no other characterisation or plot purpose other than sinking the WildeHopps ship. MUHAHAHAHAHA!"

A cream coloured fox in denim overalls was then pulled out behind him. "Jack! I thought you…"

"-Silence, Skye. Whether arctic or red, fox love is always inferior to bunny love!"

"…-But I'm neither of those types of foxes," Skye 'said', hopping up and down. "Why do people ignore my cream fur and larger ears? There are many fox species, or colour morphs, I could…"

"Silence vixen!" Jack ordered. "I am a total jerk and have never loved you."

Skye trembled and cried. "Abloohooohooo!"

Jack just laughed. "Hahahaaaa! Yes!" he mocked, turning back to Nick and Judy. "And now I will win over Officer Hopps and…"

"BUN-FU!" Ramic cried, picking up Judy and smashing him into Jack, who tumbled onto the floor. Jack wavered as he 'got up' and turned to Skye, his voice slurred and confused.

"Hello. My name is MUD. I adore you and want to love you and make cute babies. Will you marry me Skye?"

"Yes!" she agreed, before turning to Judy. "Thank you, he's as good as new." Off they went, Judy waving.

"That's what we do at the ZPD!"

Turning around, Nick was behind her. "Judy? Will you marry me?"

She gasped. "Yes!" The two were then pushed together, snogging. Leaning over them, pushing them into each other, Ramic was continually making kissing noises, lost in the moment.

The door to his office opened suddenly, Chief Bogo marching in. "Chief Ramic I…" he began to say, before seeing the scene in front of him. Ramic ignored him, mini Nick and Judy still kissing. Bogo just frowned, turning away with a palm on his face. He shrugged and made finger quotations in the air as he spoke, a slightly mocking tone in his voice. " ** _Knock!_** _Knock next time…_ " He then changed back to his normal voice "Yes Chief Ramic, of course…" _"-You didn't see anything chief Bogo?_ " "-No chief Ramic, I did NOT see you playing with your dolls again." _"-Good..."_

Looking back, he annoyingly saw Ramic still making them kiss. "Could this get any more stupid?"

With a jolt the door opened again, and officers Benjamin Clawhauser and Eliot Fanghanel, both from precinct one, raced in and froze. "Aaaaawwww," the cheetah cooed, as the white wolf beside him howled up into the ceiling. He then brought out his own case. "I have the wedding set!"

Clawhauser nodded, before holding up a fennec fox by his shirt. "I've got the best mammal!"

"-I AIN'T A DOLL! NOW PUT ME DOWN FUZZBALL!"

"It's this for your community service, or clearing snow in tundra town," Ben warned softly, Finnick belatedly accepting his fate. Bogo looked on as the three mammals arranged the wedding scene, before finally calling it quits as Ben began humming the wedding march. He left Ramic's office, slamming the door behind him, before grumbling to himself and heading back to his own precinct.


	7. Make it Better

**Fluff File 7: Make it Better.**

**.**

**AN: This is one I wrote later to cheer Cimar up. He published it, though he did a lot of edits out of fear of incurring the wrath of an anonymous 'fandom' member who we will call Mr V Heart (or Venom H) for the sake of this authors notes.**

**This is the original version, and also the last of the published fluff files. It's new stuff from here on out.**

.

Judy's ears were droopy. Really, _really,_ droopy. Anyone who knew her could tell her that she wasn't okay, something she said herself. The really worrying thing though was that she said she deserved it. Deserved it for being just a bit too slow. Deserved it for letting the kitnapped mammal she'd been trying to find get hurt as she tried to escape. Just an hour before she found her, she'd tried to slip away and received a beating. Nothing too big, nothing life changing, but it wasn't nothing. It was something. Something that happened because Judy had been too slow, letting someone get hurt. No matter what anyone said, she believed that she held some fault for not being better. Not being faster. For not finding her sooner. Her partner and boyfriend Nick, though, knew that words wouldn't help her. So, gathering up all his friends, he prepared a little hustle.

Moping in a lonely seat in a bar, Judy sat, chin resting on her paws. She looked up as Nick sat down by her, smiling a little. "Hey Jude," he sung, as some piano chords rung out. "Don't make it bad…" She blinked, and spotted Clawhauser at the piano. "Take a sad song, and make it better…"

"Nick?" she glumly asked, not sure what was going on. The fox just carried on in his suave voice.

"Remember, to let her into your heart… Then you can start, to make it better." The chords of an acoustic guitar rung out, making her flinch slightly, and she saw Jack playing the instrument, Skye standing next to him with a tambourine. Was this a hustle of his? "Hey Jude," he sung again, just a bit stronger. "-Don't be afraid, you were made to… go out and get her." She looked up to him, the slight tension she felt fading away as he began gently petting and stroking one of her ears. "The minute," he began, before a choir rang up around, adding to the background. "-You let her under your skin, then you begin, to make it _better."_

Judy jolted as so many voices joined in on the last word and, looking around, she realised that so many of her friends and workmates were here. Her ears rose as some drums beat out, and her eyes widened as she saw Finnick manning them. Nick carried on singing, and stroking, his trademark smile on his face. "And anytime, you feel the pain… -Hey Jude, refrain," he went, before rubbing up next to her, the choir resuming. "Don't carry the world on, upon your shoulders. For well you know that it's a fool, who plays it cool, by making his world, a little colder…"

Everyone in the crowd let out the familiar set of 'Nah's', building up, and for the first time in a week a little smile grew on Judy. The fog was lifting, and boy was everyone making it sunny. She looked over, and then gasped as she saw her friends the Fanghanel's there too, just as Nick hit the next verse. "Hey Jude," he went, before Eliot and Chloe started with some heavy tambourines alongside Skye. Even their little Joey, Daniel, joined in, popping out of Chloe's pouch, instrument in paw. "-don't let me down," Nick went, teasingly shaking Judy. A sly look grew on her face, and she playfully punched him back. "You have found her, now go out and get her," he went, a gleeful smile on his muzzle as his bunny returned. He went in and hugged her tight. "Remember, to let her into your heart, then you can start, to make it better…"

A certain fox had made it much better for her, and she briefly snuggled up to him before the next verse came out. "So let it out and let it in, Hey Jude, begin… You're waiting for someone to perform with…" She defiantly pointed at herself and nodded. "And don't you know, that it's just you. Hey Jude, you'll do, the movement you need, is on your shoulders…"

Dancing slightly as another set of Nah's was called out, Judy grabbed Nick's paws and they walked out together, towards the stage. Cheers and hoots came out, as her fox began the last verse. "Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song, and make it better. Remember, to let her under your skin, then you'll begin," he went, as they reached the microphone and sung out together. "To make it _better,_ better, Better, BETTER, BETTER, **BETTER, YEEEEAAAHHHHHHH!** "

Together, eyes locking, they and the crowd sung out in unison. "NAAAAHHH! NAH NAH -NAH-NAH- NAAAAHHH! NAH NAH NAHHHH! HEEEEYYYYY JUDE!" Cheers and hollers rang out at the first one, but it was by no means the last. Fire back in the bunny, she and the fox roared it out, though his planning still popped up to shock her. Judy had to gasped as a brass band, let by chief Ramic, arrived, joining in at exactly the right time. Jack and Skye echoed some 'Hey's…', Finnick hollered, and Bogo did a random set of crazy Nah's, before Nick looked into her eyes, his signature smirk making an appearance. "They're talkin' 'bout you."

The biggest grin ever on her face, Judy leapt right up into his chest, feeling his arms wrap around her, as they all carried on singing into the night. He'd taken a sad Bun and made her better.


	8. Night Train to Moonich

**Fluff File 8: Night train to Moonich.**

**.**

**AN: This is a weird one that didn't make the original cut. (Too much going on, not enough words to tell it in.) Regardless, hope you enjoy it in all its flawed glory.**

**.**

It was a quick photograph that she captured. A team of ungulates in brown uniforms marching towards the Reichstag building, which was now aflame. Judy Hopps, aspiring photographer, had just seen some of Bellwether's goons set the fire, a month since Lionheart made her chancellor. She'd heard things about what they could do and, finding a phone, she called a very special number and received instructions. Get the sleeper from Baalin to Moonich, and make contact with a fellow member of the brotherhood. At the station, purchasing a ticket, she spotted suspicious sheep from the corner of her eye and acted like she hadn't seen him as she stepped aboard.

Soon they were rumbling along, making heavy progress. The gilded decor inside was rich and opulent, especially for a lowly photographer like herself. Camera held close, she entered the restaurant car, crockery and cutlery rattling with the train as the din of conversation murmured around her. She was looking for a fox. Her eyes settled on one, red fur a dark maroon in the dull lights. She watched as his paper was lowered, and his green eyes briefly flicked her way.

Nick Wilde saw her, then saw her again. That bunny was certainly looking at her and, on a whim, he gestured to the seat in front of her. She hurried over, excited. "You're Jack's contact!"

"Am I Jack's contact?" he asked, smiling. "Yes, yes I am."

"Good," she replied, handing over a camera. She paused, breathing in and out. "That… and this trip, are a lot to me," she said, looking up. There was a pause. "Hopefully it'll all be worth it."

"I'm sure it will be," he replied, nodding and packing up his things. He left quickly, weaving past a server who was going the other way. Judy sighed with relief as he did so. They'd get to the other end and do this! The server, a pale coloured vixen, asked her a question, but she didn't notice. She was too giddy at what she'd just done. It was like a spy thriller, and… -She was distracted as the server snapped her fingers again, trying to reach her. "Do you know who Jack Savage is?"

"Uh…." Judy paused. "I may know one…"

"And his catchphrase is, 'A hare's breath…"

"-Away from danger," Judy finished. "How do you know?"

"I'm Skye," she said, relaxing. "Took a while to find a fitting uniform, now where is that camera."

"Oh…" the bunny replied, suddenly feeling quite dumb.

Further down, Nick was in a bathroom. Camera out at the mirror, he took a pic, a dumb grin on his face. "Best free gift ever!" he boasted, taking another 'self-photograph'. Why couldn't all bunny's give him free gifts! -Then a sheep barged in, angrily chasing the camera. Nick yelped and ducked underneath his legs, racing away. That bunny could have it back! She wasn't in the restaurant car, maybe the lounge? He entered it as a waltz was on, quickly merging in with the dancers. It wasn't long before he saw the bunny, and a vixen, waltz up to him. "Camera," the latter ordered. "NOW!"

"Sure," he replied, handing it over on the next waltz around. Dancing away, he felt a pair of hooves in his paws, and looked up to see that his new partner was the sheep. "RUN!" He fled, the vixen too, as the crowd screamed. The sheep was almost upon them, only to fall down. Glancing back, Nick saw that the bunny had tripped him. She was with them now as they entered a sleeper carriage, only to find the end blocked. His wool blocking the corridor, the sheep approached.

"Doug," the vixen scolded. Her body, tail especially, was all fluffed up.

"Skye," he said, smiling. He cracked his muscles, looking at the three eagerly.

"Jack," another voice said, and the sheep turned to see a striped bunny behind him. "Let's make a deal, I give you my codebook, you let us go." He gestured to a nearby room. "Private chat?" The sheep nodded and they entered in, closing the door. A few seconds later it opened again, Jack dusting his paws. "Come on in," he said, and they all saw a room sans sheep. "Doug may have exited the same way I came in," he said, gesturing to an open window. Nick gave a snorting laugh, Jack nodding. "The new recruit approves of it," he said, before turning to Judy. "I welcome you two to the brotherhood." Judy was excited, and while Nick could have backed out, something made him stay. Down came the soft beds of their cosy sleeper cabin. For tonight, as the train rocked them to sleep, the four resistance members, two newly minted, could rest easy.


	9. Patreon story 1: Unfamiliar feelings.

**Commission story 1: Unfamiliar feelings.**

**.**

**AN: For those who haven't read my Familiar Fire sequel, that fic ultimately became a WildeSkye fic. For a story, Cimar asked me to retool a major confession scene into a WildeHopps one instead.**

.

What do you say, Judy wondered, as she sat down and stared at him.

Nick Wilde, The Hustler', the very reason the ZED had employed her, the one she'd tried to chase and capture for years, until he was pardoned of his crimes, just sat there. On an old log, looking over the shimmering ripples of the river, the sunset dancing on them like ribbons. He seemed peaceful, calm, but not happy. Thoughtful? Contemplative? It was certainly far removed from the irritating cheekiness, the teasing, that he'd given her when she'd been trying to capture him.

He'd never tried to justify his innocence, or ask her to look at his accusations, only explaining what had happened when directly addressed about it. No, he, who'd unfairly been turned a fugitive for ten years, had had fun. He'd played with her, irritated her, and had a good time before vanishing.

So, seeing this side of him… It was new for her. New for her just like the feelings she felt. The warmness she imagined when she was in bed, and had pictured a fox with it in her. That fox…

But what would he think? What would he imagine, how would he react? Did she even have any right to tell him this? For all her bravado, and got-get-'im-ness from before, she felt small now. Weak. Unable to go on. Even the words Skye had given her, telling her to summon up the courage, like she had when she'd met that old friend of hers, had faded in her mind. She felt alone, and cold, the evening breeze cutting through her fur and…

"-Carrots?" She looked up. He'd seen her. "Is everything okay?"

No, it wasn't. "Yes, fine," she said anyway, because that's what you do. He didn't believe it though, and he tapped down the log beside him, calling her over. She silently obliged, planting her tail down and feeling an tense static between them.

"You're not," he said.

"I know," she said grumpily.

"Is that why you came down here?" he asked, leaning in closer, concerned. He looked over her sadly, not that she was bothering to look back, before a little smile grew on his muzzle. "Better than being here to take me in," he joked, only to flinch as Judy punched him in the shoulder.

That little thing had hurt her. Salt in the wound, and she'd lashed out from the pain, just wanting to vanish now. Just wanting it to be over. Feeling tears in her eyes suddenly, this whole dumb thing really was just too stupid. Too emotional! She really was just a dumb bunny, wasn't she?

"Ouch. Mean Bunny."

And she sniffed. She sniffed again. He asked what was wrong, and she answered. "You're right!"

"Huh?"

"I really am just a mean bunny!" she sobbed. "Hunting you for all these years, when you were innocent… and… and you have every right to hate me… You really do… And… -And I come here with my dumb feelings for you, thinking it could all be okay, but it's not… It's not…"

She barely noticed him wrap his paws around her, didn't care much for his tail wrapping around her like a blanket. She smiled though as she heard him speak. "Hey… Hey… I don't hate you. I don't… That's what Bogo's for!"

She laughed at that one, though her new smile quickly vanished.

"And what's this about feelings for me?" he asked, curiously.

"It's nothing…" she replied, shaking her head. "I… -just forget it, it won't work."

"Now, Carrots," Nick replied, rolling his eyes. "How do you know that if you don't try…"

She broke off her crying and looked up at him. "What?"

"Let me ask you if this founds familiar? Nice superbunny becomes and Enforcer, and has to take down a big-bad fox, only whoopsie… Fox turns out to be innocent. But she then apologises and helps said fox. Then whoopsie twoosie, she might have some feelings for that fox."

There was a long pause, the peaceful chitter of birds and insects filling the air. The soft rustling of the leaves of the trees were all around them, while embers from the campfire nearby danced around like fireflies.

"Only, Carrots," he said, leaning in close. "I don't think that last one's a whoopsie."

"But… We're still so… It's so…"

"Are we an odd couple?" he asked, smiling. "Yes, yes we are. But you know what, Judy? If you're as persistent as I know you to be, I think we can work it out."

She guffawed a little, then a lot, and she leant into Nick's chest. The fox, who was honestly still a bit surprised by this whole confession, leant forwards to embrace her. This was an odd thing, certainly. But that could be said for his whole life. This odd thing, though… He had a funny feeling that there might be a happy ending to it.


	10. Patreon story 2: Not the time

**Commission story 2: Not the time.**

**.**

**AN: This is also something similar to the previous fic. A slightly different variant on WildeHopps in 'Embers of the Past', as Commissioned by Cimar. (Note, Judy using Nick's long name here isn't a typo. There's a good reason for that, and if you want to find it out you can read Embers of the Past).**

.

Zootopia. Four years after the Ewe's coup. Hundreds of mammals were running and screaming, fleeing from the Cloud Forest Mall in panic as some kind of devil tore it up. Mothers clutched children, while the odd father who'd tried to stand up to the threat was tossed overhead, landing and rolling hard on the polished marble floor. One of them, a massive Rhino, slid along to a halt, groaning in pain as a red furred paw leant against his horn. He looked up, and saw a certain famous fox looking down.

"What is it with fathers and mad acts of heroism?" he asked, tutting as he looked down.

A massive crack roared out next to him, as Judy Hopps landed hard on the floor. "Not the time Nicholas!" she called, bracing as another vibration tore through the entire building. There was a massive crash as one of the roof light panels was shaken loose of its housing, hitting the floor hard.

"I know," he groaned, "I was planning a nice date with you and then this happens… There were some certain things I really wanted to say too!" He paused, looking down at her, then forwards again at their reason for being here. "Also, what's this?"

"I don't know," Judy said, before looking up. "And if you want to say something, just get it out now."

Nicholas smiled, a madly mischievous idea suddenly flowing through his mind. She'd just written him a blank check for having fun, his paw immediately reaching down to touch the little box in his pocket. "Well, at least it'll be memorable," he said. "The tornado is certainly a nice touch."

"Hold on," she warned, bracing as the roaring cloud of spinning dust grew in front of them. It ground to a halt, settling, and a small snout nosed mammal looked back. Looking more like a big rat with a gnarly set of predator's teeth, the little brown marsupial heaved with his breaths, the white V shaped mark on his chest glowing. "Me Get Eat Enforcers," he garbled out, before he began spinning with a jet like whirl again. The dust cloud kicked up and surged forwards, the two enforcers cutting to its sides. Nicholas spiralled in, running faster and faster, and the devil at the heart of the storm double took the fox as the vulpine matched his spin, their eyes locking. He received a raspberry, two paws gripped his, and then a super speed fox spin in the other direction.

Judy fired herself up, watching as Nicholas hammer threw the villain up to her, and she gave him a shockwave kick down. It was enough to knock him out, and him landing in a nearby ball pit was the cherry on top. Landing down, she looked on, Nicholas joining her side. "Is dumping your enemies into that ball pit your thing now?" he asked.

"That was only once before," she replied back, a sly smile on her face. "You get to say it's my thing after the third time."

"Well," he teased, "In any case, I know what your real thing is." He waggled his eyebrows, before immediately hugging the bunny right into him, tight as he could manage, giving her a kiss as he leant back far enough so that a bit of flying marble only just dusted the ends of her fur.

Judy jerked back and glared off into the distance just as a rain of balls flew down onto all of them. Gargling madly, sparks of electricity flickering off of him, the maniacal marsupial began spinning again and went to the side, cutting straight into a wall. The bunny blinked a few times. "I hate it when that happens."

The pair immediately flew apart as he smashed out right next to them, cutting through where they'd just been. He tanked a few blasts from Judy, before using his spin to soften the impacts of a few of Nicholas' punches. He then pushed back, and the three began a crazy battle, racing and flying and spinning about in a sea of pulverized mall debris.

"You know Judy…" Nick cried, as he sped forwards but then super speed limboed to dodge a roundhouse kick. He sped back, cutting past Judy as he aimed a sucker punch at their enemy. "I really care for you…"

"I know!" Judy replied, as she found herself grabbed by the villain's arms and almost being forced into his jaws. A set of powerful kicks stopped her being devil food. "I love you, but this isn't…"

"I love you too!" Nick cried, as he body slammed into the mammal, knocking him out like a ball in a newtons cradle. Judy fell down, right into his paws. "But you did say I should tell you that thing…" he said, panting a little. "And that thing is… I love you… so very much… I…"

"Hang on!" Judy ordered, pausing as she glanced over to check on the knocked-out figure they'd just been fighting. "Okay!" she said, turning back to Nick ready to say 'go on' but instead seeing a little box in his paws. Her eyes widened, and her paws went to her mouth, and she felt a rush of amazement and joy…

"Judy Hopps," he said, opening it out to reveal a ring, as her heart began beating fast enough to shake the building. "Will you marry me -right-after-we-deal-with-him-again!"

Glancing back to see that the shaking was their very persistent enemy, having yet another go against them, she felt a coursing passion flow through her. "Nicholas," she said, turning back to him and pulling his muzzle into a kiss. "We are so gonna kick his butt and then get married!"

Nicholas nodded, slipped the ring onto her finger, and the pair turned to face the growing whirlwind in front of them. They spared each other a glance, nodded, and charged forwards together.


	11. Patreon story 3: Agents

**Commission story 3: Agents.**

**.**

**AN: This was a commission for Combat Engineer.**

.

"I think my winter fur is coming back."

Holding onto the wheel through the shaking and vibrations, Judy spared her fellow operative a glance. Nicholas Wilde, aged thirty-two, Zootopian native. That gave him five years in a collar, aged twelve to seventeen, nineteen-forty to forty-five.

It was then that the coalition had finally defeated the Bellwether regime, occupied the city, and began making it better. She'd heard the reports, known how the occupiers had tried the political leaders and higher-ups, but kept the old police and military lest they become the driving force behind an armed rebellion. Reform it, certainly. Flood it with preds to the point of parity, to try and change attitudes or at least balance out the speciesist ways of many of the old guard, most definitely. But still, there was a distrust in the air even now. He said that it was like night and day with the past, though. From what he remembered. From what he experienced, back when he was a victim of his country's crimes against mammality.

In the aftermath, so many were made to face for their crimes. But some got away. Some with blood on their hooves. That was why they were here, two mousead agents on the other side of the equator, hunting down their prey.

They pulled up into a small town and stepped out of their car. They needed a rest. They needed to plan. The small café they chose was just off the main square and was a holmely little place in the middle of a long set of mis-matched terraces, the only thing connecting them architecturally being the red tiles of their roofs. Nick spared at a glance at some of the graffiti on the dusty peach plaster that covered the wall, practicing his basic Spanish, before stepping inside with his fellow agent. Together, they brought out the files and began to go over them. They had a plane waiting nearby to get them out, they had a map of the next town over, where their target lived.

Things were packed away and food was ordered, an alfalfa salad and a side of fries for her and some rhea ribs for him. Nick didn't feel hungry, he felt sick like he always did before a mission, and he excused himself from the table. The café didn't have a toilet, so he went out to use the public one near the church. Twilight was coming, and the tinny ring of the bells were striking the hour, and as he walked under the trees the fox froze.

His gaze was fixed on the sheep by the pond, feeding the ducks.

He knew that face.

He knew that face from the many pictures he'd seen, that he'd memorised, that he'd been strategizing about how to abduct. He knew him from before though. Long before. His neck feeling tighter, slight flickers of phantom pain coming through, he remembered the look of a mammal who'd stared down at him and his family so many years before. Who'd marched past them as they, chained up, worked with picks and shovels to quarry stone and clear bombsites and to build barricades. Who'd select slackers and nominated them for 'patriotic prey protection'. He remembered his father being dragged off, and when it was his mothers turn he'd fought back. That sheep had nominated him too. That's how he found himself chained to the front of a tank, as it tried to hold off the liberators advance. Others were on front of barricades, or in the windows of key buildings.

He'd been up there two days before a shell hit its tracks, the crew abandoning it, and the foreign forces racing up to take him down. To take off his collar. To treat him, to care for him like he was a prey mammal, to reunite him with his mother…

He didn't know how his father had died, but he knew the mammal responsible. He walked up to him, spotting a little wallet just sticking out of his pocket, and with a deft paw he swiped it before nipping behind a wall.

He was ten paces away when the sheep ordered him to halt, before starting with the slurs. Nick charged, dodging this way and that, just in case the sheep had a gun.

He cut into an alley, the sheep followed, and the prey mammal felt a dart push into his torso.

Freezing, stumbling, his mouth suddenly clamped by a maroon paw, his body went weak as Nick began forcing him back. "Remember me?" he hissed.

There was a slight shake of his head.

"Well I remember you," Nick said. "So do all those you hurt. You thought you could run from justice? I'm sorry, but justice was always going to find you!"

Maneuvering the sheep out, Nick led him back to the car, throwing him in the back seat just as the drugs took full effect. Into the café he went, smiling as he saw the food arrive. He planted down a bill large enough to pay it five times over before looking at Judy. "I've got him."

She nodded, and they picked up their food and marched out. Into the car they went, nibbling slightly at their food as they went. Nick called ahead, before leaning back and cuffing up their prisoner. It was a long trip back for all of them, but justice was going to be done.


	12. Patreon Story 4: Exiled Pride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .  
> For this one shot, Combat Engineer gave me a list of potential AU's, and I picked one and did my own interpretation of it. Hope you enjoy.  
> .

**.**

**Commission story 4: Exiled Pride.**

**.**

**.**

Dark maroon paws wandered over the black volcanic rock, the great villain making his way down. He had a melancholic feel today, given what would soon be done. It reminded him of a time long ago when, after years of wishing to grow up and go on his adventures, he'd stood and shivered on the eve of his first battle. Fur on end, legs tense coiled in terror, his dreams soured as the levity of the upcoming day turned into a stark fact, haunting and teasing him. Taunting him for ever believing that this was what he wanted.

Today was different though. Nicholas Wilde hadn't exactly wished for the predicament he was in now, and it was its end that was looming large in his mind. It wasn't the fear and worry of the next day that hurt him, more the unease at leaving the dearly familiar.

Still, he sighed as he reached the shore, his pads imprinting in the jet black sand. He moved close enough to the water for the breaking waves to sweep up past his paws, before drawing back. He looked out at the blue horizon, a whole world far different to the one he'd once known lying beyond.

Still, he could enjoy one last day. He raised his paws up, flexing them, and he spoke, his words echoing out.

" _Haulmuthi. Gosvieous. Damlthuiana. Hokrum!"_

Emerald eyes glowed out, burning like the sun, as the enchantment made its way out. Nobody but he himself knew the old language of spells and dark mysteries.

Age twenty six, hounded from his ship's port of call in Aragon, given their banishment of all vulpines, he'd picked up an old Romany vixen and cared for her like she was his mother. She'd passed on her tiny knowledge of magic, a secret to the whole world, and pointed him on the path to greatness and glory.

The magic faded, and he smiled as a splash broke through the water. A shimmering blue sail broke the waves, a terrible spear driving up over the sand, and Nick licked his lips as the swordfish beached itself at his feet, as commanded. Giving it a quite bite, a mercy, he picked it up and began bounding back home. Swifter than a cheetah, leaping farther than a gazelle.

He hadn't been able to do this when he'd scaled Noah's mountain. There, as whispered, the book of Kane had lay, and from it the fox had sought his powers. The ability to command, to race and prance, to transmute the elements and to live forever. For a while, he'd been content. He grew rich, he enjoyed life. Hanging about in Rome here, Istanbull there. On hearing about a popular playwright, he spent a happy time in Lionden, even getting a few autographs from the bard himself. Back then, like now, he was content to use his powers for humble enjoyment, with no greater motive.

Just like now, with how he was using them to help prepare a nice meal. Carrying on up, the barren rocks began springing with lush vegetation. Grasses and trees, the scents of flowers blooming. The residents of the island, his neighbours, waved as he went past. He'd seen them grow up, and their descendants before them. He could spot a few whose ancestors he remembered being landed as slaves. He may have subtly use his powers here and there to encourage the owners to let them be free.

Bounding up into a small valley, he rested by a church. Cathedral officially, but not really. In its defense it was the largest place of worship for thousands of miles. Resting, Nick smiled as he looked at the two large plantation houses, overlooking the church from either side. One was his own. The other had been the home of another troublesome leader, some two hundred and a bit years ago. Exiled to this rock to keep him out of trouble, just like he was.

Unlike a certain Corsican lion though, 'Prince' Nicholas Wilde would be returning to the mainland.

He smiled as he walked up towards his own house, passing the plantations and gardens. Mammals were working there, friends and family. Over the last few centuries he'd raised the odd orphan, loving him or her as his own. Their great, great, great, great grandkits now hung out with him, all excited and preparing for the feast. They followed him and loved him, no need for his powers to come into play.

All that time ago, he'd been stirred up to use them. Watching centuries roll past, seeing the futility of it all, watching war after war fought about things he knew the answers to, over and over again. Petty squabble after petty squabble, causing terrible pain and sorrow each time. Poor mammals led by arrogant and ignorant kings, claiming divine right to rule.

If they had a right, why didn't he? The eternal ruler, no messy succession issues or forgetting the mistakes of the past. He truly believed that he could have brought peace to the world. So he used his powers, became a ruler, and marched forth. Powers in use, his conquests were far less bloody than any before, and he could bring peace! Truly, he could…

Others didn't agree with that, and so the Holy Roman Empire fought against him. They found the magic too, and raised a champion. One who would live as long as he did, who was immune to his powers, and take them away with a snap of her fingers.

So his near victory began unfolding, turning into a long decline to defeat, and he grew sick at the news of so many dying.

He just wanted peace, so he sought it. A bit of haggling, many promises about equality and such on their end, and he was to be held on this rock for four hundred years (unless of course said promises were broken).

He wanted to haggle it down to three hundred and fifty, but honestly he was tired by the end.

So he left, to serve his sentence, guarded by the one mammal who could best him.

"Got a big fish, Slick?"

Nick smiled as he placed it down in the kitchen, smiling even more as her turned to see the mammal in question. It had taken a few centuries to find the right word, but now he could safely call her his kryptonite.

"Did I tell you how much I like it when you dress up in your armour, Carrots?"

Judy of Bunnyburrow nodded, the gleaming sun bouncing off her centuries old armor as she bowed. In her paw she held her sword, once blessed by a long dead pope. On her shield was the coat of arms of a long dead house.

She'd been raised to see him as the devil.

After the first few years, he became _her_ devil.

It wasn't long after that she began complaining about the unfairness of his sentence. He didn't mind. Heck, when the empire that sentenced him was defeated and destroyed half way through, she encouraged him to leave. He refused, he was a fox of his word and for the next two-hundred years he'd stay like the last.

A few years later he was rubbing it in as they played drinking games with the defeater of said empire.

Good times…

"I thought it was appropriate," she said, smirking as she came over.

Washing his paws, Nick turned to hug her, the two embracing. They kissed and hugged, before parting, their gaze lingering on each other.

"Are you going to wear that when we finally marry?"

"Only if you wear your royal robes," she said, smirking. She did like those robes.

"I'll have you know that those things were vastly outclassed by this more modern apparel," he replied, pointing to his pawaian shirt.

"And I thought you were always going on about how things were better in 'the good old days'" she sassed.

Nick smirked, winking at her. "You know you love me," he said, before sauntering off to his room.

"Do I?" she carried on, giving her sword a flourished swing. "Yes, yes I do."

He turned, blew her a kiss, before entering his private study. She'd fallen for him a long, long time ago.

Staring into the void, and he'd stared back.

Hiring Neitsche to quote that directly to her was still one of his top ten pranks, even today…

…

Today. The last day of his imprisonment. He sighed, looking around his study. This last century had certainly been a boon in terms of keeping in touch with the rest of the world. An odd trickle of reports and news had turned into being able to access info anywhere, any time.

Getting ready for his freedom.

He was looking forwards to it. He'd be free, they'd marry and feast, then fly to South Afripaw from the island's new airport. He wished his foresight had seen that. He could have so teased those kings by saying he'd return in a giant metal dragon.

Of course, his foresight had other uses. By and large, he'd been good at investing in stocks. He'd been a billionaire before that though, given his transmutation powers. The treaty had forbidden him from making precious metals, but they forgot about diamonds. More recently, the nuclear industries gave him even more options, what with heavy water and turning waste back into new fuel. Then there was his very being and nature. Interviews, talks, helping historians. With comic books coming out and making their mark on culture, some began calling him the first supervillain, and after seeing Che Gueva on T-shirts he'd wanted in.

He was rich and famous, and most people didn't worry about him going bad. After all, an airstrike could snuff him out if he went wrong.

He didn't plan to. As he sat down and turned on his computer, he thought about all the progress made. The world was getting ever more peaceful, ever richer. It was that desire which resulted in him ending up here in the first place.

Even for selfish reasons there was no need for villainy. Peace was profitable, and handling naughty stuff would take too long regardless.

After all, he now had a new hobby, one that took up plenty of his free time.

He flicked open a few programs, started the groovy music, readied himself and smiled for the camera. "Hello! It's Monday the 5th of August, 2019. With T-minus ten hours left, live from sunny St Helena, it's the Wizard Wilde cast…"

.

.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "An emperor of France shall rise who will be born near Italy,
> 
> His rule cost his empire dear, Napoleron his name shall be."
> 
> (Nostradamus. (Al Stewart) (This is a great song, you should listen to this song, here's a link to the best version of that song: https://youtu.be/Z6PxOUYDDf0)
> 
> After the 100 days and the battle of Waterloo, Napoleon was exiled to the remote island of St Helena where he later died.
> 
> When Combat Engineer had: 'Nick is a supervillain released after 400 years imprisonment, but with movies, books and T-shirts made of his acts, why be bad when you can youtube and watch the money flow in?', I began thinking. Nick doing this kind of stuff 400 years ago would mean during the early renaissance. I imagined him as using his powers (magic based, to keep with the theme) to try and rule the world (for benevolent reasons) before surrendering. I was immediately reminded of Napoleon's exile, and decided to write my story about Nick's final day of exile on the same island that the Emperor of France was sent to. Of course, with such power, the powers who be would want someone to keep him in line, and I imagined that Judy (he stopped calling her Judy of Bark after 100 years) would volunteer to guard him.
> 
> WildeHopps is consequently an inevitability.


	13. Patreon story 5: Cross Channel

**Commission story 5: Cross channel.**

**.**

**AN: A one shot asked for by Cimar with the brief 'Nick and Judy on their last day of holiday'. Now, this is another slight twist on this, based on something very familiar to me. I've also made it a non-canon part of FFoZ, as I can. I'm not sure how this would work with the geography of Zootopia, but let's roll with it.**

.

.

"Rise and shine sleepy Fox!"

….

"I said rise and shine sleepy Fox!"

"Mummmummmnnnaaaa five more minutes…."

...

BANG-BANG-BANG-BA….

"OKAY OKAY!"

Nick huffed as he shoved himself off of the bed, dropping unceremoniously onto the floor with a thud. Still, it had some upsides, such as helping him wake up.

A little.

"Come on Nick," Judy told him, putting the pan and spoon back in her bag. Despite his sleep deprived state, Nick couldn't help but realise something.

"You put that in there and not the big suitcase just for this, didn't you?"

"Did I?" She asked, as shuffled away and began changing into her clothes. "Yes, yes I did."

"Insisting on the end room also makes sense now," he groaned, shaking his head. He was NOT a morning mammal, especially when they were technically only 33% through the largest definition of a morning.

"Well, I'm not going to Bucky and Pronk anyone, we're not going to miss that ferry, and I happen to know my Fox rather well," she said, putting on her clothes. Nick nodded, before crossing his paws.

"Your Fox who drove us here less than six hours ago, while you slept in the back. Just remember who's perkiness you're borrowing from, Carrots."

"I will," she said, beginning to pack things up. Nick slipped on his shirt and slacks, before they headed out of their little room together. Walking to the next door, Judy knocked on it, waiting for a few seconds before another, albeit far less, sleep deprived fox emerged.

"Morning Skye."

"What she said," Nick added.

"Morning you two," she replied, before slipping out, a bag in one paw and a bunny in the other.

Nick stared at the sleeping lagomorph with a luscious, verdant, fertilised and professionally manicured look of pure green envy. "Did he wake and sleep again or was he snoozled throughout?"

Skye smiled, turning down to Judy. "Zonked throughout."

"Dammit," the bunny cursed, handing over a pawful of dollars. "He's got even bigger ears than I do. How?"

"Um guys," Nick said, looking and pointing between them.

"I may have done experiments," the vixen said, an eyebrow raised smugly.

"You presumed…" Nick said, pointing at Judy. "And so did she," he gestured to Skye.

"But those are satellite dishes compared to mine…"

"And then they bet… And I don't have enough coffee in me to work this out. I'm going to the bathroom."

"And I know my bunny," Skye smirked, hoiking up her arm a little so her rested more comfortably, before planting a kiss on his forehead.

Judy looked at her, foot tapping a little, before her eyes widened. "How did he get dressed?"

"He didn't undress," she said.

Sighing, Judy admitted defeat, and together they trudged off. Nick appeared out of the toilet unit and took their booking out details, clearing everything up before they all left the hotel. Small overnight bags in the car, Judy getting quickly getting the adapter kit sorted, they drove off on the short trip to the port.

.

Ten minutes later, they pulled up in a short queue, both girls in the front getting a pair of passports ready. Slipping through the control, they rolled onto a bleak expanse of marked tarmac, surrounded by wire mesh and tall flood lights. Around them were boiling refinery works, burning flares, and the odd spinning wind turbine. The odd seagull, both adults with their bright orange beaks and the grey juveniles, strutted about. The sky was a dark grey, rolling low clouds semi lit up by the early morning sun.

They followed directions, sat in a queue, and waited. Up ahead the ferry was coming in, ready to offload and open up. They still had the best part of an hour to wait.

Judy was happy reading a book as they did so, Skye trying to snooze a little next to her.

.

…

"Any luck?" The bunny asked.

"One guess," she muttered back, sitting up again.

…

"So, fun holiday?"

Slowly, the vixen turned to face the bunny next to her. It had been their first outing as a group of four, a long mix of beaches, trails, road trips, hotels or camp sites. It had been as if they'd looked at the options and ticked 'all of the above.'

"I'd say so," she said, smiling. There was a slight guffaw though as she shook her head. "But you can't pay me to go on an ostrich ever again."

"It wasn't that bad," Judy defended.

"I'm not going to talk about it."

"Was it the skittishness?" Judy asked, "or the being led around…"

"Both," Skye said, sighing as she rubbed her head. There was a pause, before she looked up smiling. "But I guess I did enjoy this holiday."

"Great!" Judy agreed.

"Just no more ostrich riding."

"I guess swan riding is out too."

The swift fox vixen blinked a few times. "If I want to fly, I'll buy a plane."

"I'm thinking of lessons!" Judy said, bouncing up and down on her seat.

"You think of that, I won't."

…

Soon enough, it was time to load on, slowly following the guides and entering through the gaping bow of the ferry, Judy driving while Skye roused the others. Up a few ramps, parking brake on, and they locked up, taking the stairs to the deck. It was empty, their car being one of the first, and Nick paused, his nose sniffing deeply.

"That way."

On they followed, soon getting to the line for the canteen. A few minutes later it opened, and all of them picked their breakfast and drink, Nick especially going for a big coffee.

And drinking it.

Then ordering one to go with his actual meal. "Fox dot exe is loading," he said, giving Judy a little grin as they paid at the till. "Please wait five minutes for it to be operational."

"I'm afraid that I may not be that patient, Slick," she said smiling, as they arrived at a table, placing their trays down.

"And I have red fur," he deadpanned, pausing as he glanced down. Judy briefly looked up to him, and a glimmer of a smile grew on her muzzle. Nick returned one on his, as she scooted up next to him, letting his tail wrap around her.

"Good holiday, Slick?"

"No," he said, a shocked look slapped onto Judy's muzzle. "A great one."

She smiled, and leant up as he stuffed a fork full of scrambled eggs and baked beans into his mouth, kissing him on the side of his muzzle. He looked back and gave a sudden and playful lick to the tip of her nose.

"Thanks to you."

"Thanks to you."

They held each other tight, as they cast off and set sail home.


	14. Patreon Story 6: BIG Nick

**Commission story 6: Big Nick.**

**.**

**AN: A standard WildeHopps situation, albeit Nick is a bit bigger than in canon. Commissioned by Combat Engineer**

.

"So, Kits!" Scoutmaster Sharla announced, "we've got three mammals who're getting their badges today!" She smiled as she looked at the assembled bunny scouts. This meeting was for the Brownies, girl scouts from the ages of eight to eleven. Despite the name, it was open to all species, though the demographics of Bunnyburrow meant that her troop was still a sea of long ears. Still, there were two ewes, a sow and even a very young ferret girl, Travis' daughter.

None of them were getting their badges today, instead three bunnies had made the cut. Madison Leaps, with her science badge; Brenda Burrows, who'd made them a lovely new flag to earn her sewing badge, and Cotton Hopps. "I must say," Sharla said proudly as she looked at her best friend's niece. "Three badges at once. Hospitality, first aid and tutoring, you must have been busy."

The little bunny nodded, only to be cut off by the slam out the hall's door opening. Sharla looked over to see a brown hare, her assistant, running over. In her paws were a handful of folders, ones she recognised as the proof of Cotton's achievements. She'd been busy the last few days, and had to give the workload to the head of the boys troop to look through, something she was suddenly regretting. She glanced back at Cotton and her eyes widened with alarm, before she turned back to her assistant. "Not here!" She urged, suddenly fearful for the embarrassment poor Cotton might be about to receive. Before she could say anymore, the folders were thrust into her face.

"You have to read this!"

"Not now!" She urged again as she glanced at some of the picture, her eyes widened. She pushed the folder back, blinking, and was then glued to it as she read through.

Behind them, one of the bunnies, Madison, turned to Cotton. "What's this about?"

Cotton giggled a little and looked away bashfully, pulling one foot paw back and fussing it on the floor. "Weeelllllll…."

.

* * *

.

**One week earlier…**

.

"So," Cotton announced, as she brought out a jug of water. "I have drinks for Auntie Judy's boyfriend, and if he wants something hot I can make it for him, and there's some cookies too. If he wants blueberries, I can pick them…"

Bonnie Hopps looked on as her granddaughter eagerly set everything out, working hard towards her badge. She'd called ahead, and both Judy and Nick wouldn't mind, though it would all add up to an interesting first meeting with this Tod.

It would all go fine, she was sure of it.

Not that her husband was helping.

"Calm down dear."

"I am calm Bonnie! Totally calm. Totally, totally, calm," he stuttered, looking away from her.

She frowned and glanced at him, as he fidgeted with his paws from the nerves.

"I mean, it's not as if a great big giant fox is going to…"

"Calm down," she said again. "He's a fox, he's a red predator who's bigger than us. But he's your daughters partner on the force and boyfriend. We're going to be supportive."

"Right," he said, forcing a smile. "Supportive now, supportive when he breaks her heart or scares us or…"

"Stu!"

"But Bonnie…"

"But nothing," she said, before shaking her head. "I mean really, foxes aren't even that big.

.

* * *

.

**Two months before that.**

.

"Jesus capybara!" Sharla cried as she glanced at her computer. She looked away from the picture of the two she'd looked up and held her phone to her ear. "He's… he's… -It's like all of Gid's," she began, waving her paws out to the side. "Went into," she stretched them upwards. "Are you sure he's a fox?"

"Sharla," her friend spoke over the phone. "The only reason I didn't think he was a maned wolf when I first saw him was that I didn't know what one was!"

"But how? Is he a hybrid?"

"No, even if he has the dark tipped tail too, he's pure vulpes vulpes. But he had a glandular issue that shot him an extra few feet up. Funnily enough, he's friends with a fennec who had his own gland issue. Only that one shot him down a foot or two."

"Wow," Sharla muttered, shaking her head.

"Do you want to hear a secret?"

"Okay…?"

"It's not the only place he's extra big."

"JUDY!"

.

* * *

.

**One week before the badges ceremony.**

.

Stu's jaw dropped, before he twitched up, then twitched up again. "Bu… -Wha… -Giant… -Cripes! -Carrot Stick's!"

He didn't manage anymore, fainting back into his wife's arms as Judy and her giant fox arrived.

The huge vulpine looked at them for a second or two, before looking down at a gasping Judy. "Ten bucks, Carrots."

"NICK!"

"What?" He teased, as Stu recovered.

"I… I… Bonnie, I had a horrible nightmare," he began, before noticing the two guests again. "-And I'm having it again…"

He fainted once more, his wife and daughter attending to him, while a little brown fluffball walked out. "Hello Mr Nick, my name is Cotton. I'm happy to be your hostess for today."

"Oooh," the fox teased, smiling as he looked down at his shirt. "Where are we flying today?"

"Uhhh…"

"Maybe Pawaii?"

"I'm… I'm not an air hostess, I don't think there's a badge for that," she began.

"Well, if your mother lets me," he began, spotting her nod. He went in and lifted the kit up. "Now you're an air hostess! Neoowwww!"

Cotton squealed, and Judy smiled as she watched the pair take off. Stu then mumbled and woke up, before spotting them and fainting again.

Eventually, though, they all introduced themselves, before running into the next problem..

"Carrot's, how did you not know?"

"Uhhh," she mumbled.

She looked awkwardly at him, and then at the door to the house. "Slight geometry problem, Fluff."

"We can improvise…" she suggested.

.

.

.

"Would you like some cookies Mr Nick?"

"Oh yes certainly," he smiled. A smile wider than the entire table, and one that, when opened for Cotton to throw them in, gave Stu a perfect view of all his teeth. He was now regretting that this hosting kitchen had windows. On the other paw, how could he guess that a giant fox guest would be sticking his head through them?

"Trying to hit my dangly bit?" He asked, sending the kit giggling.

"Do you want your coffee?"

"I can manage," he said, and Stu quivered as a paw came through a different window and picked up the mug. He drank it all down in one go, before relaxing. "Aaaahhhh…"

"See," Judy chuckled, "All good!"

"Where's he going to sleep?" Bonnie asked, looking at her daughter.

"He could crawl into the rec room and lie down there?"

"His tail would be out in the corridor and his head in the library."

"Hey, I like a good book before bed," Nick countered.

"How will you read it without your paws," the matriarch presses.

He shrugged, or seemed to shrug, they couldn't see his shoulders and tell. "Maybe my fine hostess can read to me?"

"Can-I-can-I-can-I…"

"-No!" Stu barked. "Mr Wilde may be all kitted out, Cotton. Not all mammals are good with Kits."

Nick cleared his throat. "Look outside."

Stu did that, before seeing a bunch of his children using his tail as a skipping rope.

.

* * *

.

**In the present.**

.

"So, that's how you got your hostess badge."

"Uh-hu…"

"What happened next?"

"Well, Mr Nick watched a film with us. He crawled into the rec room."

.

* * *

.

**One week earlier.**

.

Everyone was crowded around the TV, or Nick's giant body. The room was big enough for him to sit on his haunches, though his back half was still in the hallway.

Things were going well, and everyone was enjoying themselves.

"Uh Fluff," Nick began, looking at Judy.

"-Mr Wilde," Bonnie interrupted, "if you need to go, go outside."

"-Actually, someone just pantsed me," he said, earning a fit of giggles. He pushed his paws back, trying to pull his slacks and underwear back up, but unable to latch the tailhole button.

Bonnie sighed. "Don't mind…"

"That's easier for you to say," Nick said.

Stu joined in. "Bonnie, we'll have a foxes bum filling one of the halls!"

"Oh calm down," she said. "Nick's been an excellent guest. I mean, what is it with your side of the family."

"It's not as if yours is any better," he mumbled.

"Ahem. How many times did I faint."

"How many times did your 'they're red as they're made by the devil' father faint when you told him that one was coming over?"

Bonnie's eyes widened, before she looked away. "None," she said quietly.

"You did tell him, right?"

Meanwhile, Otto Hopps, the burrow's oldest resident, turned a corner and ran right into a fox's bum.

He jolted back, shaking his head, before deciding that this was definately a nightmare. Fortunately, said nightmare hadn't stolen any of his self-defence equipment, and, much to his relief, he still had his trusty fox taser.

.

**One hour later.**

.

Walking out of a massive crater in the centre of the burrow, a line of shell shocked bunnies pieced their way through the piles of rubble that had once been a part of their house. Most of them had been minding their own business in their rooms, and then a fox had launched up through the floor.

A grey buck, Logan Hopps, reached the front of the queue. "Bathroom sink," he mumbled, pointing to a cut on his forehead.

"Okay!" Cotton Hopps smiled, "this may sting a bit." She sprayed it with antiseptic, slapped a bandage on, before calling "next!"

.

* * *

.

**The present.**

.

"And that's how I got my first aider badge!" Cotton proudly announced. "I treated most of the hurt bunnies. But, being a good hostess, I waved goodbye to Mr Nick as they took him to hospital in an ambulance."

"Did he say anything back?" Madison asked.

"He said, 'Next time we get a hotel Carrots!'"

"I can imagine," Scoutmaster Sharla said, as she turned back to Cotton. "You earned those badges young scout, very well done!"

She and the others cheered, and the rest of the meeting went on like usual. As it ended though, Cotton's friend had one last question on her mind. "How did you earn the tutoring one?"

.

* * *

.

**Six days ago.**

.

"Okay," Cotton announced proudly, as she wrote up on the board. "Welcome to Geometry two-oh-two! It's like one-oh-one, but twice as good!" She was in one of the preschool play areas, A-B-C posters hanging around, while a plastic nursery table had been brought out for her student, who'd been made to sit cross legged on the floor. "Now," she began, as she brought out a baby toy and put it on her student's table. The toy was a simple box with holes in it, and coloured shapes that would fit into each. Cotton pointed out a square hole and brought out a dozen different sized squares. "I know it's hard, but which ones are too big to fit?"

Her Auntie Judy, dunce cap on her head, grumbled and began sorting them into two piles, much to her nieces joy.


	15. Patreon Story 7: Always my Sly Bunny (Alternate Ending)

**Commission story 7: Always My Sly Bunny (Alternate Ending)**

**.**

**An: so, I finally got read through 'Always my Sly Bunny, Always my Dumb Fox' by Cimar, and a joke suggestion of mine snowballed into a ridiculously dumb idea. But it was also a funny one, and could be construed to be Halloween related, so here we go.**

.

.

_Zootopia High Security Penitentiary: Cell Block C. 31st of October._

_(During a thunderstorm)._

_._

That damn bunny and fox. That was all ex-CEO Steven Furzer could think about. How… How had they survived?

The plan had been simple, so effortless that it should have gone off without a hitch. But it wasn't to be, thanks to the incompetent bunglers in his own damn company.

He couldn't even fire them from here.

It had been a long and bitter struggle since that day, healing in the hospital while being wheeled out to his trial. Somehow that bunny had survived, and she'd looked on as he'd been put away, all for trying to clean up the filth…

Now that he could walk again, he paced about, trying to find solace as he imagined himself muzzling both of them.

_Crack….._

A thunderclap roared out, shocking him even through the thick concrete walls. He grumbled and settled down, only for the rattling of his lock to draw his attention. Looking up, he saw it open, only for a flash of black to take him.

.

.

…

"oooh ooooh ooooh…. _Try everything…_ "

Great, he was waking up to that song. Standing up, shaking the tiredness from him, he found himself at the end of a dead-end corridor. Light and noise was coming from the end and, with nothing better to do, he walked towards it.

Turning a corner, his eyes widened.

Mammals partying. There was no denying it, they were having a good time, partying to that singer. He walked forwards, the music dying down, and he had to doubletake what he saw in front of him.

Lying on a coach was that bunny and, at her feet and the end of her literal chain, wearing a flashy bikini costume more appropriate for a space princess, sat the fox.

Their eyes met for a second, before he scowled. "What's going on?"

She scowled back and spoke. "Bun bunna bun bunn bunn."

…

The fat cheetah to her right cleared his throat and spoke. "Her greatness, Judy the Hopps, would like to invite you to your getting."

"My what?"

There was a chuckle from the fox. "Given your interest in foxes, I'd of thought you'd have gotten this one."

"Well I don't!"

"Bunna bunna bun bun bunnn…"

"She states that, for the pain you caused her, her mate and the ones she loves, you will be subjected to a cruel prank imbued with popular culture references."

"Pop culture?" Steven asked.

There was a rustling from near the bunny as a fennec fox appeared. "You could say it's outta dis world! Hahaha!"

Everyone laughed, Judy giving the little fox a look before turning forwards again, down at her big fox. "Bunna bun bun bun…"

"She admitted that having him play that role was actually a good idea."

"What role?" Steven exclaimed. "What's going on. And why is muzzle mouth dressed like that!"

Nick shrugged and smiled. "Because I look fabulous in this cosplay, Steve."

"Bunna bun bun bun…"

"She says that this is not for your benefit. It is her revenge, and for her enjoyment. As is this."

"As is whaaaaaa…" Steve screamed, as the floor beneath him gave out. He fell, sliding down before landing in a sand pit. Looking up, he saw the others staring down, the fox calling out.

"Give him hell Jess!"

"You bet I will!" A voice screamed, before a deep rumbling began.

"Huh?" He asked, looking over to see a big door opening, revealing.

"Arggghhhh! What is that! What isthat! It's coming towards me, make it stop! Make it stop! What is it!"

"This!" The new female voice spoke, from within the looming furry monster. "Is a member of the Hopps family called Bigpaw. And he's not a happy bunny!"

Steve cowered back and screamed, looking up and begging to be let out.

Nick and Judy just look down and smiled.

"Bun is a bun bun-bun bun…" she said.

"One, that's from Star Trek," Nick pointed out, before looking down as Steve yelped in fear. "And two, yes, yes it is…"

"Bwaaaaaaa… Get it away from her me…"

.

.

.

 **An: I joked that they could release bigpaw on the bad guys. That method of release became Rancor inspired not long after.** **Hope you enjoy…**

**(Sidenote. There isn't a pic of Nick as Slave Leia… Fandom, wth?)**

**.**

**.**

**.**

"That was cruel!"

Judy looked down at the got, but not got enough, Steve and shook her head.

"Bunna bun bun bun bun…."

"Her highness exalted, the great Judy the Hopps, has decreed that you are to now be placed in anger management therapy."

"Good. I need therapy after that."

"Bunna bun bunna bun bun bun!"

"You will therefore be taken back to your prison, and enrolled in daily classes inside your small cell with a volunteer therapist, of common acquaintance to us all.."

"Doesn't sound so bad."

"In close proximity to Yax, you will learn a new definition of itchiness, as you come in contact with his thousands of fleas."

"On second thoughts, can I pass?"


	16. Patreon Story 8: Merry Fluffmas

**Commission story 8: Merry Fluffmas.**

**.**

**AN: Before we begin, public service announcement. Did you know that I have a Zootopia/Beastars story now?**

**It's called Zoostars. Enjoy.**

**.**

**(Combat engineers December reward)**

.

Tailchaser.

Fluffhunter.

Poofperv.

If you were a bunny, especially a male bunny, the hips and the tail of does would always hold a certain allure. Big hips were always met with bigs bouts of teenage horniness while, with tails, it was more nuanced.

A large minority of bucks liked a little prim and proper tail, small, well trimmed, flicking instantly back the position if twerked or pulled. Such a tail was considered civilized, something to be appreciated from afar by those with refined tasted.

However, the majority of bucks would rather go bananas for a bountifully bushy, furry, big and fluffy tail. Judy's most outgoing sisters hadn't trimmed theirs for years and, in private, would use curling tongues to make the long hairs spiral and flow into a sensual and visual marvel of pure fluff.

A bunny going after such a tail, drooling and blinkered by its glory, was a stereotype that chatty does gave to all the interested males who didn't take their fancy. They were the ones given such names and Judy, though her relationship affairs were far more limited in nature, had labelled a certain few bucks that. One in particular was a certain cousin by the name of Jack. One day she'd come across his special little trove of computer files, photoshop used to expand the little bit of fluff on the rear of does to, in some cases, gargantuan sizes. He'd had a memory stick of images, ones which she'd summarily and righteously deleted.

Cue what many swore was a bunny death scream later that night and a follow up argument in which Jack had said that she'd submit to the allure of fluff one day; does were most certainly not immune. She'd said that if she ever touched a fluffy tail without permission he could wax strip her own bit of fluff.

She'd been certain she could hold that promise.

She was!

And then she'd discovered fox.

No biggy, but then his winter fluff had come in.

She was screwed. She was so screwed.

Something made worse as she, Nick, Jack and his own foxy girlfriend spend the festive season in an isolated cabin, blankets of soft, fluffy snow fell around, begging her to put her paws in it as if it were fox flu…

No, snap out of it Judy!

They were slowly relaxing down on Christmas Eve, the tree up and the old record of Christmas tracks playing, and Nick was just laying down next to her, his tail…

Oh no.

Oh no, no, no, no…

Like a great fluffy red pillow of clouds, thousands of delightful little red strands, his tail dropped over her lap and she had to hold back with every single fibre in her being. Do not touch. DO NOT TOUCH!

Her paws under her legs to keep them under control, she looked on furiously as Jack runned and rubbed his vixen's furry tail, her ears turning a little red before she settled down and gave his nose a few playful licks. He looked right at her, giving her a look that practically screamed 'I remember Jude the Prude! I'm getting my own back, Fluffhunter!'

No, Judy told herself. Self control. Self control. Resist the bushy red blanket on her lap, just lying there, begging to be…

"Hey Nick," Jack said. "I just remembered we had some blueberry punch. I know an excellent hot mulled recipe for it."

Judy didn't hear what Nick said, instead getting a wagging tail thwacking into her face. Then again, then again, then on and on and on. Her paws came out to stop it at its closest moment only for her to halt them at the last moment.

Not a chance!

She calmed herself, trying to enjoy the brief encounters she had with the fluff, before its motion pulled itself away. She watched as Jack stood up and went over to the small kitchen area, keeping an ever present eye on her. Meanwhile, she was stuck in a predicament. Her own tail would get jelly-beaned if she ever touched Nick's tail without permission.

But with permission?

Fair game.

But how do you ask a fox if you can just touch his tail? Paradoxically, it was far worse than if she'd just stroke it there and then; it would be sending all sorts of weird signals and making her just seem odd, hyper embarrassing. She was not good with this romantic stuff anyway and resorted to grumbling in silence.

Finally, unable to resist the tension anymore, she evacuated the area. A quick walk out, supposedly to the toilet, where she then stripped down, opened the window and then jumped into a snow drift.

A few eyebrows were raised when she finally returned after an unusually long time, going straight for the hot blueberry punch and gulping it down in one swig. She'd cooled down…

Annnddd now she'd seen his giant poof again and was heating right back up. Her buck teeth chewed her bottom lip, Jack looked on knowingly, a big smirk on his face, and Nick relaxed by her. "Hey, Fluff?"

"-Yes," she quipped, snapped to it from being so high strung, her ears then turning red from embarrassment.

"Early present," he said, as he sat up and swooped his tail around, a bow sneakily tied around it. Jack's silent curse went unnoticed as the fox tod spoke. "Don't tell me I haven't seen those goo-goo eyes. You hereby have permission to… YAHHHHH! CALM DOWN JUDY!"

Whatever she tried to say back was muffled by her face full of fox tail, as was pretty much anything she said for the rest of the night.


	17. Patreon Story 9: Snowed in.

**Commission story 9: Snowed in.**

**.**

**AN: Commission for Cimar, who wanted a fanfic of our duo snuggling inside during a snowstorm.**

.

Judy woke early in the morning. It was the last day of their little ski holiday, and they planned to stay the night in their cabin before getting up early for the long drive back. Fingers crossed, sixteen hours later they'd be home, late in the evening with just enough time to unpack, ready for work the next day.

Judy was happy to go back, though she did admit that she'd like her holiday to carry on just a little bit longer. Regardless, duty called, and the pair had to get up and going. She nudged Nick hard, the fox snorting and snoring before waking with a start. "Get dressed sleepyfox," she said, as he mumbled. "You can sleep in the car until we get to Salt Lick City."

He mumbled some more about the pancake place he'd heard about there, where they planned to breakfast up and plug him with coffee, ready for his stint at the wheel. Half four in the morning was quite simply too early for a fox to function properly, but by ten in the morning he should be good. Still, time to get going, and he followed Judy out into the lounge of their little cabin. Though it was a days drive to Aspden and a days back, it had been a steal given that the chalet they were hiring was free. Apparently Chief Ramic owned it, usually letting Eliot and Chloe Fanghanel have one week free a year. A little talk down the grapevine, and they'd been given the chance too.

However, that week was now over, and it was time for the bunny fox pair to head home. As he grabbed the bags, she marched up to the door and opened it…

-Revealing a wall of snow in front of them.

Nick, still a decaffeinated zombie, walked straight into it with a satisfying crunch. There was a pause, before he began to snore.

…

"Carrots?" Nick asked, slowly coming too on the couch. He sniffed the air a few times. "No salt in the air… An hour to go until pancakes?"

"Actually, you can have some now," she said, slipping a massive plate under his nose. He blinked a few times, waking up and ready to dig in, only for his mind to play catch up with him. He looked around the cabin he was sure they'd left behind, the windows all dark out and the fire burning, before he looked at Judy.

"Can you just give me the tl;dr?"

"Snowed in, possibly for a few days, staying here and snuggling instead."

He then watched as she walked up, slipping under his blanket and cosying up to him, a favour he returned by wrapping his tail around her. "What does buffalo butt think?"

"At first vague rumblings about parking duty. Now he's hired a snow plough and is flying out here personally to pick us up."

"And how much snuggling time does that leave us with?"

"Oh, at least a dozen more hours," she said, smiling.

Nick smiled back. "I'm afraid to say that that's far too few."

"Well," she said back, stroking under his chin before moving to scratch one of his ears. "Let's go make the most of it."

Nick gave her a playful lick on the nose, before giving her a little hug and kiss, and the two snuggled and cuddled for the rest of the day.

.

Outside, the snow was slowly drifting down, with the exception of the area around their cabin. There it was piling down, a huge blizzard of fine mist being blasted out. Just up the hill, a whole barrage of snow cannons were busy at work, a white wolf standing by them. Nodding as he saw everything going to plan, he pulled out his phone and rang a number.

"Chief Ramic."

"Eliot?"

"Mission accomplished!"

.

.

**AN: And here we have the dynamic duo enjoying an extended ski break thanks to Mr Eliot Fanghanel. In contrast to me, who's no longer having a ski break this year thanks to Mr Corona Virus. Am I bitter? Yes, yes I am.**


	18. Patreon Story 10: Endgame

**Commission story 10: Endgame.**

**.**

**AN: Commission for Combat Engineer.**

.

.

This was Zootopia.

She'd heard it called a lot of things. An accident, an act of terrorism, a terrible tragic accident.

It was called murder.

She'd helped.

When she was a little kit, before she even heard about what a cop was, she'd heard of the collars. She heard that there were mammals out there who used to eat ones like her, some the very same ones that had appeared in the worst of the bedtime horror stories that her siblings would tell each other. They were cunning, or cruel, or could flip and turn into monsters. But don't worry, they had collars on their necks to keep them in check. That was how she'd known them, before she could read, before she could write, before she could look and think for herself. Collars were a good thing to stop the bad guys from hurting her. Especially the foxes, the baddest of all of them.

The only bad thing here were the living conditions. It should have been condemned, it made her feel filthy and depressed, not helped by his attempts to make it look nicer. Bright motivational posters hung on the dire grey walls, a small picture shrine stood in the corner commemorating a once happy family, tacky Pawaiian shirts hung on the railings… -She flinched, quivering a little. It wasn't just any fox that had lived here.

When it came time to come to school, she'd discovered that the predators weren't bad guys, they just needed help being good. She wasn't sure at first, but on seeing a bunch of other kids attacking a frightened mammal, she'd charged in to clear them off, only finding out after that he was a pred. A little cougar (oh god, where was he, had it reached him?). Crying and sniffling, he obviously wasn't the bad guy. Afterwards they became friends. Nobody got to pick on anybody, even if they were a pred. After all, they had their collars on to help them be good.

She hadn't thought of this fox as good. She'd first seen him after hearing a cry of pain, a familiar buzz of electricity, and a loud set of screams and bangs. He was there, lying in the middle of a rodent road, causing chaos. It wasn't because of the fact that he was a fox that she ticketed him, he'd been disrupting and putting at risk rodent traffic! She treated everyone fairly. His attempts to bluff away the issue didn't please her though, especially when he tried to say that a pair of gerbils' who'd run over his tail. She hadn't seen anything, and it was not unlike all the other excuses mammals made when trying to get out of tickets. She'd just chalked him up as trying to flub out of it, lying or sweettalking as foxes were known to be good at. She didn't believe him (that didn't matter, he could go to the courts instead and challenge it if he had a case) and had gone on her way, just telling herself that he was a bad dressed sneaky fox.

His name was Nick. She could see that here, now. A few unopened letters on the floor had his name on it. A few dusty books on a shelf, his favourite reading habits, came to her attention. She paused as she realised that some were the same ones she'd enjoyed. Along with those, there were a whole bunch of medical textbooks, his swap-out for her police ones.

She'd been getting good when she found him again. A few years later, when investigating reports of noise from a 'Pred-only' medical care outlet (she'd been confused at first, why Pred only? When asking him, he's pointed out that Prey only ones were common, something she'd conceded to). Of all the mammals, he was the one who ran in, showing off a very sketchy but legitimate doctors' degree (well, here was the proof he'd put effort into it) and talking her through the basics. He even pointed to her framed ticket, talking (she could have sworn he was rubbing it in) about how he'd been inspired to be a doctor for preds after the poor treatment he'd received after that incident before (again, describing how it had started with his tail getting run over).

She'd left him, just a few weeks ago, thinking that maybe he was an okay mammal. He was irritating, he and she would not get along, but he wasn't a bad guy. After all, he had his collar on. She couldn't find a bed here, she didn't know where to look, but she could smell something off. She went over to an open drawer, wondering if it had any other clothes in, before shrieking back in horror.

There hey lay. A bed of feathers covered him, the pillow he used as a mattress torn up by his agonised claw scratches, his face still frozen in horror as it slowly decayed. He was cold and stiff but he still lay there, smelling of rot and smoke.

That night she'd woken up at around three in the morning, thinking she could hear something but shrugging it off. She fell to sleep again, only to be woken a few hours later by a call from work. Tens, then hundreds, then going through the city in the small hours as she could tell that something was horribly wrong. She began seeing them, just lying here and there, the dead not at peace.

Everyone had been in shock that morning, hearing that all those in the precinct cells had suffered the same fate. The same fate all the predators had. Nothing official was said at first, they'd been getting to work, picking up the bodies and helping to get them to a mass grave that was being dug, no time for burial honors. Men and women, old and young, she'd have been a zombie throughout it all if it weren't for the very young children, without collars, who still lived. Scared and teary eyed, most having almost everyone they knew taken from them in the night, she volunteered to help get them organised. Schools had already been cancelled and in there they went, sleeping on gym mats if lucky.

A small fraction of a minority, but there were so, so many…

The city said that they'd be setting up orphanages, the mayor herself promising extra funding while also stating that they'd found out who'd done it. A bunch of hackers with direct access to the mobile networks had hacked them to send out the signal used by correctional department collar remotes. It had only just been turned off, the hackers killing themselves, the mother of all 'mass shooters.'

That's what everyone believed, and what she wished to believe as well. But she'd known the mayor before, she knew she had a tell when she lied, and she'd replayed that clip a hundred, two-hundred, times, and each time she'd seen it. When she'd said that she was appalled, when she said it was terrible, when she mentioned the hackers.

And now some of the officers were mentioning how they didn't really care about the preds, or how things were more peaceful now, and how mammals were moving on. She'd called her parents, talking about trying to adopt one of the orphaned mammals, or getting her family to care for them. They'd looked back like she'd said collars should be banned.

But the preds still needed them, right?

But…

But…

They could be fixed, couldn't they?

The police could live without the collar remotes, right?

…

But say that to a cub or kit, one of the orphaned, as you tried to tame them. She'd never imagined one of those parties before, but forcing one onto one now…

The mayor had said that new collars would be designed, and the process would carry on. She'd said they'd be safe, her tell showing. She'd said that the collars had always been needed, her tell showing.

This was Zootopia, and Judy trembled with thought, fearing the day seven or eight years down the line when this would repeat again, finishing them off forever.

Tears trickled down her cheeks. She'd thought the collars were good, were right, were just. She'd been wrong. And now this fox… -no, this mammal… -no, his name was Nicholas. He was dead because of them.

She closed her eyes and drew a paw down his ones, closing them before calling in her fourteenth body of the day.

This was Zootopia.


	19. Patreon Story 11: Zoopers/Aquaphobia

**AN: Ages ago, Cimar was discussing a potential new story idea (called Zoopers) with me and I was helping him iron out the kinks and get the general plot into place. (During the big meetup we all had with Zeig in france, we even discussed ideas and stuff). For this fluff file, he asked me to do a potential scene taking place a while after a major event in it. Enjoy.**

.

.

"Ready, Nick?"

Judy looked up as the fox mumbled slightly, not really liking where this was going. She felt a little quiver in her heart, and reached out to hold his paw.

"Don't worry," she said. "I can hold onto your paw and get you out. Just like how you got me out of it."

"Fluff," Nick spoke, looking back. "While I would like the excuse to give you mouth to mouth, no thanks."

She rolled her eyes. "I did CPR, Nick, not mouth to mouth."

"Yes, my ribs are still making that pretty clear," he noted, before trailing off. "Thank you though."

She nodded, as they stepped around the corner and into the empty ZPD training pool. The smell of chlorine was in the air, Nick's eyes narrowing. "Okay, is chlorine water worse than salt water for me, because if it is there is no way I'm even going to try and de-shadow in that given what doing it in the sea did to me." He may not have remembered the objectively scarier part of the incident, but he had some nasty memories of waking up feeling confused, in pain, terribly thirsty yet bloated at the same time, all while loads of IV drips fed into him.

"It's not about you shadowing and deshadowing Nick," Judy reminded him. "In the future we could try with fresh water, but for now we're just getting you used to normal swimming again." She paused and then smiled. "I thought your whole schtick after you fell out with your brother was that you wanted a normal life."

"What I want and what I get are two very different things," he noted, as he reached the edge of the pool. He held back, trembling a bit, before closing his eyes and breathing in and out again. "Right then. This is just like being a little kit…" His paws gripped the ladder, and he stepped down the rungs. "-Splashing in a paddling pool with him…" He froze as one paw touched the surface. "All your parents are hanging out by the grill…" Judy placed a paw on his. "-As he talks about his great-great-great-great-great-grandmother the dread pirate." He slowly stepped down and in, the water rising past his waste. "You've got this." He breathed in and out as the water rippled at neck height. Judy smiled and jumped in, sailing straight to the bottom as if she was made of lead. Nick watched her stroll up to his front, then suddenly bob up and out, standing ramrod straight. The water was at her knees, her feet hanging below her, while she swayed a little from side to side. "Show off," he snorted.

"Physics," she replied, smiling a bit.

"Yeah, but still a show off."

She shrugged. "Yeah, you're right. I mean, it is a bit of effort to have different masses in different areas all at the same time, especially if those are small areas. But the way I see it, I'll eventually be able to localise the counterweight area into the souls of my feet, letting me walk on water."

"As if your ego wasn't stoked enough already," he snarked.

Judy smiled. "You're in the water, aren't you?"

Nick looked down and smiled. "Yeah," he said, smiling a bit. His eyes narrowed and with a flick of his wrist something fast raced through the water, a cloud of spray kicked up in its wake. "This isn't so bad after all." He leant forward and began a leisurely paddle down the length of the pool. Judy then floated up, out of the water, concentrating until she was at a stable height just above it and following after him with a breast stroke. Her paws at their most forward, they thinned and widened out into huge fans as she pushed herself onward, then shrinking down again as she brought them forward again. She repeated the process as she sailed alongside Nick, her zeppelin to his ocean liner.

He looked up at her again. "Stoking that ego again" he snarked.

"You know you love me," she replied back.

"Yes," he said, smiling. "Yes I do."


	20. Patreon Story 12: The rise and fall of the Hopps empire

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Queen Judy Hopps could only sit back and contemplate where it had all gone wrong. Her empire had once been proud and strong, her capital springing up in the warm tropical coast, across the strait from the island of formosa. Rich rains and strong fertile rivers created great fields upon which her cities were built. Soon an empire began growing, explanding, early fleets of triremes and galleases escorting her troops to the japanese home islands. A whole other empire fell as her fringes expanded up to the tundra wastes.

But it was to the west that destiny had lay. 

The tropics were the breadbasket, but it was the hills in the centre of the continent that began building her great armies. Armed with their pikes and bows, they took off to the west, into the plains and then the edges of the highlands.

It was there that the Wilde empire was first encountered. Born upon the eastern shores of the caspian sea, their desert forces had marched south and east. From the breadbaskets of the north persian coast, the volga delta and the great syr darya and and amu darya rivers, a nation had formed that could turn the desert steppe into gold. Hitting the border mountains, they’d moved through, a great flood of newstart cities spanning across the gobi and tibetan plateau. They then met, two nations with the potential to grow strong, together.

In its hubris, though, the Hopps empire had chosen to take it all, and be cunning like a fox while it did so. They all held a rough border with the weak nation in the indian subcontinent, and it was here that Judy claimed her sights were set. Border clashes in indochina were the casus belli, and it didn’t take much for them to declare war on her. A foolish mistake as her remnant navy, old but still strong, threw itself upon the vietnamese coastal cities, claiming them under the rabbit banner. They never knew how weak the navy had become by the end, simply paying a gold sum to call the truce. It was during this time though that the Hopps nation had become friends with the city state of Lhasa. Columns of troops marched through the friendly Wilde nation, their main forces off conquering Europe, all on their way to Tibet and the unclaimed mountain valleys, India beyond.

Only the peace was declared, they turned around, before piercing through the soft underbelly of the Wilde nation’s gobi holdings. There was nothing he could do but protest as the war on two fronts carried on, her main forces coming in from the east. They conquered, they advanced, they made towards the Tian Shian, ready to bust through into the Wilde nation heart. Only to find that he’d been holding his troops off in the passes. A quarter of his land lost, but in turn fortresses and troops ready to mince the single lines of advancing units. Specialist longbowmen, supplied by the allied military city state of Sofia, became proficient at wiping out the enemies in the passes with their added range.

For centuries it continued.

She always attacked it with a renewed fever.

She ignored what else Wilde was doing.

Setting up an alliance with australian forces, he split India between the two of them, Wilde also making sure to colonise areas of Indonesia, his navy holding the straits. Hopps put her forces on guard down there, for when the attack would come. Proxy wars were also fought up in the great tundra plains. Upon the shores of lake baikal and then up above, Wilde set up two defending border cities. A Hopps attack almost broke through when the mobile cavalry arrived, sweeping them away but not pursuing past her own border.

The passes were still a bloodbath, troops pouring in only to be minced by the double ranged (and now double firing) gatling guns. 

She hardly noticed when a small town popped up in the north of the mekong river. After all, he’d finally paid Australia to attack her, alongside (to her surprise) the United states. The latter’s navy outclassed the remains of hers by far, forcing a complete transfer away from indochina. An advance there was impossible, multiple forces instead committed to fighting the enemy off from the land.

And then the paratroopers landed around two of her richest cities. Mass centres of production, they had once been the easternmost cities in Wilde’s empire, set behind lines of rivers and mountains to the east for protection from her. They had nothing against the bombers and the tanks, fueled from the oilfields of baku. Before she could react she’d lost them, the tanks and waves of troops moving up north through that new city. All this time, he’d been building his own burma road, a railway linking his middle east and indian holdings before winding up through the narrow passes to the forward settle. There was little she could do before all two remaining cities to the north were taken, her empire cleaved in two.

It was a disaster. Mass shortages of fuel oil, metals and so on from the mineral rich west collapsed the effectiveness of her troops. The many luxuries cut off also destroyed city morale. His bridgehead reinforced with waves of tanks and standard forces, the paratroopers dove east before raking back, looting all they could touch as they went. She always had a steady flow of forces heading that way, while also transferring as many as she could to fight the new threat, but they were disorganised and regularly harried by newly springing rebel troops. Few made it to the newly fortified opposition, having to stay home and stop things getting worse.

The western provinces were a loss. Undefended, weak, they melted like butter and were liberated by Wilde. The great masses of troops on her Tian Shian frontier began pushing east, forcing them back but paying a bloody fight to recapture the angry cities. Weakened by resource shortages, unable to replace their losses, a second wave of his bombers and paratroopers paid a hard price in destroying the remnant of her pass guards. It was then all over, as his elite guard forces dove east. Caught between the two sides, her grand army was minced. It was only a matter of time before it all ended.

Australia had taken the vietnemese cities, japan had fallen to the american navy, her land was awash with looters and had no natural defenses left. Her forces moved to guard the southern approach to her capital, only to be outflanked, the northern half of her nation taken by tanks and planes. 

Wilde then completed the manhattan project, and large armies became useless. He never used his nukes, but the fear was enough. Armies ordered apart, she tried to use them in a guerilla defense, bleeding him dry. But her own rebel issues were doing the same to her, while he could heal faster. 

It came as no surprise when he used the same new city tactic to advance from Laos, a new indian army marching on her capital from the far south, along with the northern and central fronts. The first bombs began raining, then the artillery, then the city was surrounded. Wall upon wall, castles and fortresses and whatever could still be channelled into it put up a resistance for as long as they could.

The meat grinder ended after ten years, Wilde taking her capital.

“Damn you!” She muttered, looking up from her laptop. Nick, sitting in his underwear, looked up from his and smirked. 

“You shouldn’t have tried to outfox a fox. Especially, given my civ start position, a desert fox. Babu Yetu, Bun Bun!”

“I demand a rematch after this.”

“This has already taken two days.”

“How long until quarantine ends?”

“Point taken,” he noted, pressing the next turn button.

…

“Oh cheese and crackers!”

“Yes. Rematch,” Nick grunted, looking on in disgust. Mansa Moosa (Bucky and Pronk, over the internet (thankfully)) had just sneaked in a science victory.


	21. Plant Nick vs Zoombies

**Plant Nick vs Zoombies**

**AN: So, on the ZAA server, there’s a channel called free ideas. Free ideas for stories that others could pick up. From massive plot ideas to little things… I thought that if there’s any that take my fancy, I could do a little oneshot for them and stick it in this collection. This first one was one of my ideas, but a good place to start. For those who don’t know what Plant Nick is… Look up the art by blueberry carrots:[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/zootopia/comments/aydwi6/nick_is_a_potted_plant_nuff_said_by/)**

**Anyway… Plant Nick. And then I had a brilliant idea.**

**.**

“Oh Sweet cheese… Oh sweet cheese…” Judy slammed the door to her house shut behind her, quickly locking the doors and propping a chair against it as well. Just seconds later, the whole frame shook, a groan coming from behind it. Her eyes narrowing, Judy lunged for her kitchen knife and opened up the window, throwing the weapon straight into the zoombie sheep’s head.

It collapsed onto the ground, stuttering and gurgling, before returning to its resting in peace.

Judy sighed, relaxing as she slipped out to retrieve it, before jumping back inside. Making sure that everything was locked up, her shoulders slumped as she took in everything that had gone on. Walking into her lounge, idly flicking on the television, her ears picked up the repeated reports of Dr Dawn Brainwether and her experiments with bioplant necrotics, before she turned it off again.

Old news.

Collapsing onto the sofa, she groaned.

“Well,” another voice spoke, “we’re dead.”

She looked up to see a product of just plain, happy, non-evil bioplant studies, as developed by her old friend Professor Emitt ‘Craze-E’ Otterton. Her indoor ‘foxlove’, a little plant with four or so leaves, a healthy green stem, and a fox head on top. She frowned at it. “No, we’re not dead, Nick.”

“Well,” he mused. “The dead are rising, everything’s gone crazy, and my ‘aunt’ is responsible. And she’s not a nice aunt.”

“”No, but we’re going to win,” Judy resolved, before frowning. “Dammit, why didn’t we listen to Craze-E Otterton?”

“Because all he did was ramble on about the nighthowlers.”

“Yes,” Judy groaned, wishing she could punch herself. “Might as well start listening to him now though,” she spoke, going over and picking up the phone. Her ears raised as a set of rambles came out, her eyes narrowing, and she almost put it down…

Almost.

“Okay then,” she said. “If you think it will work.”

It wasn’t long before the crazy otter turned up with his van, saucepan on head, offloading a bunch of new seeds and material. Judy took them through the house, this way and that, Nick looking on concerned. He paused as he saw Craze-E walking in, a whole bunch of wooden materials held over his shoulders. “Is this really the time?” he asked. 

A bunch of rambles came back. “Zabwabbawu wabbuwu…”

Nick frowned. “If you insist.” The otter did, also insisting on patting Nick a good few times, even planting a kiss on his crown. The foxlove grumbled, though his mood lightened a bit when he got a sprinkle from a watering can.

Meanwhile, Judy looked out over her back lawn. The zoombies were coming again, so she stuck her gardening gloves on and got going. First off, she planted a few sunhausers, the cheery looking flowers crooning over the excitement of everything and, after insisting she put on a Gazelle album, all grooving to the tune. Gathering the sun, spitting little condensed drops of it out, Judy began going on the offensive. About time too, as a standard lumbering sheep zoombie was about to arrive.

First off, she planted a wolfthorn, it’s grey flower-head looking up at him before staring forwards, spitting out a thorn. It flew, hitting the advancing zoombie and penetrating into him. It shuddered, stopping for a second or two to pat it before lumbering on. The next few hits were ignored, Judy getting nervous as the undead moved forward. Finally, though, a hit jolted him and he fell, collapsing to the floor.

“YES!” Judy cheered, Craze-E giving his own few rambles. “Zabwannawannna The Nighthowlerz….” Even plant Nick, now brought out and enjoying the sun, smiled. 

“Maybe we’re not going to die.”

“That’s the spirit,” one of the sunhausers cheered.

Judy nodded, making sure to get a basic set-up going. A line of sunhausers, an empty line in front of them for additional planting, then the wolfthorns. A second line of them was being laid out, taking care of the slowly increasing mobs of zoombies. Especially useful too, given that they were beginning to wear traffic cones and buckets on their heads, or even a football helmet. The latter one charged out, both Judy and Nick looking at each other nervously. He hit one of the wolfthorn’s, chewing through it (to its displeasure), before hitting the one behind. A few chews, the sunhauser behind shivering, before the injured wolfthorn put in a terminal blow. Judy immediately began repairing the damage, wiping her brow. “Phew, that was…”

“Carrots!”

“Where?” Judy asked.

“I mean you Judy! Look!”

She turned back to him, then glanced forward and shivered. A limo was pulling up, a zoombie jaguar stepping out, throwing away his hat, and then lunging forwards on all fours.

“We’re dead!” Nick spoke, only for Craze-E to run forward, rambling nonsense as he planted something out. It was a twig. A Mr Twig, the end frowning into the face of a shrew. It frowned at the lunging jaguar and spoke. “Ice-EM!”

It exploded into a flurry of snow, the jaguar freezing solid as he was chipped away by the wolfthorns. He broke free of the ice, but the cold only let him pace along. He stood no chance, and was chipped apart.

“We need some more defenses,” Nick warned, Judy nodding. She paused, looking at Craze-E’s catalogue before clicking her fingers. It was just in time too, as a zoombie pig appeared. A razorback, jumping down and combat crawling, ducking under the wolfthorns shots. At least until it met the newly planted bogonut, climbing up it and beginning to nibble through, exposing itself to the wolfthorns once more.

“Come on,” Judy called. “Fight back!”

The bogonut ignored her. “I don’t care.”

“Oh come on,” Nick grumbled. “You’re literally getting your face bitten… off… -Carrots?”

“Yeah.”

“Idea.”

The razorback died quickly, but the next one died instantly. Even before he could start to nibble at the bogonut planted in front of him, he was screaming as a ferocious set of teeth lunged for him. “You like this, HUH!?” screamed the finnick fly trap planted behind the bogonut, as it tore off the zoombies face.

“I don’t care,” the bogonut spoke, pausing slightly as he caught the tune that Judy had been playing the sunhausers.

Judy and her friends began settling into a groove too, a defensive groove, fighting the enemies off. The enemies though brought in new tactics. With two lines of sunhausers, three of wolfthorns, some spare lines, the finnick fly traps and bogonuts, and then the killing grounds stretching to the edge of her property, they were facing a formidable defense with room to expand. They reacted by sending troops en-masse. The wolfthorns worked them down, but slowly; the finnicks bit and bite, but had their teeth cut out; even the bogonuts looked like they might actually be about to care. And then, slipping through, came the weaselzoms. “How you looking now, rooties!” they jibed, sidestepping between the bogonuts and finnicks. A few of the latter got some lethal bites off, while the weak weasels were being cut down by the wolfthorns, but they were getting dangerously close. Especially as the very first bogonut looked ready to give. Judy got ready to plant down a Mr Twig when it went, freezing them and giving her enough time to replace it. At the same time, the weaselzoms were getting worse. Especially as Judy saw one with a “BOMB!”

“Step up from the bootlegging,” it jibed, racing to blast apart the wolfthorns before suddenly vanishing.

Judy blinked. “What the…”

Nick chuckled, before looking up to Craze-E. “We brought in an old friend.”

The otter nodded. “B’cuzzz I’m crrraaaazzzzyyyyy!!!” 

Judy watched on as another bomb weasel charged, only for something to burst out of the ground to its side. As if emerging from a bunker, a honeytackle leapt out and grabbed him. “GOTCHA!” she cried, holding on tight. He was then dragged down and vanished.

And that made the zoombies mad. Another jaguar zoombie turned up in a limo, this time not bothering to get out. The thing rumbled along, thankfully not very fast or strong, but still taking a beating. It was frozen solid by a Mr Twig, put down to let Judy replace the just eaten bogonut, but then it rolled on once more.

“Right, think Plant Nick,” he mumbled. “Stop a car. What stops a car? Red lights? No… Mechanics? Faulty mechanics? But how do you fault them up...Or maybe get rid of the driver… Make him drunk… Too tired to drive… Not able to be bothered, or… -I got it!”

As he said so, the frozen limo slowly ground to a halt, the jaguars getting out and charging before they could run over the bogonut. To their side though, a second one came up, pausing as it saw a slothberry plant climb up, way in front of him. A pointed stick out, it began gesturing to an eye-chart.

“Arghhhh….” the zoombie driver groaned.

The slothberry slowly shook its head. “No…”

.

“That’s…”

.

“An…”

.

“E...”

The zoombie driver frowned and gestured out. “ARGHHHH!!!!”

“No…” The slothberry said, repeating himself. “That’s….”

The driver, having enough, got out with his entourage, the limo left abandoned.

So the battle carried on. More zoombies swarmed, only to be knocked down, especially as Judy upgraded all the wolfthorns to rhino shaped double firing mcthorns. The living members at the back began smiling with hope.

It was just about that time that Dr Brainwether herself turned up, frowning at the lack of sufficient progress on the cranium munching project. She looked at all the shooting plants, firing stuff forwards out of their muzzles, and… She clicked her fingers.

Soon, she was joined on her side by a bunch of zoombie junior ranger scout chipmunks. She gave them a nod, and they burrowed onwards, down beneath the bogonuts and finnick fly traps. A few were tackled from the side by the honeytackles, but most emerged right in front of Nick, Judy and Emmit, shocking them back. One of them looked at Nick with a sick grin on his face. “You really think we’d trust a plant without a muzzle?”

Nick squirmed as the zoombies then turned back, slipping past the honeyhausers and then bringing out muzzles, shutting the mcthorns mouth tight. The plants shot into them, but it would be a while until they could break free. There was nothing to stop all the mcthorns, maybe even the finnick flytraps, being muzzled, letting the zoombies break through the bogonuts and charge forward.

Thankfully, the honeytackles only took up two of the six lanes in their row, leaving four spaces open for one of Craze-E’s latest creations. The yaxka plant. Put down, they hummed, before releasing swarms of midges. The muzzling zoombies were super weak, easily chewed through, letting the yaxkas then turn against a new wave of the weaselzoms, knocking them out with the help of the honeytackles.

“Right!” Brainwether hissed. “Time to bring out the big guns.”

The ground shook as a massive elephant zoombie lumbered up next to her.

“Hey, big guy, look over there.”

He did, grunting, before lumbering forward. “No fox plant… In my store... Can’t you read?”

“It’s my house,” Judy shouted.

The elephant grumbled. “Can’t read… Right to refuse service.” He then held up a jumbo pop and smashed it down. A Mr Twig slowed him down, but soon he smashed through the bogonut, through the finnick fly trap, through the yaxka plants. A honeytackle tried to bring him down but was shrugged off, and a slothberry just sat there before being squished. 

“We do have the lawnmowers, to mince him, right?” Nick asked.

Craze-E made a mumble or two as the first of the mcthorns was taken out.

“Well, it’ll also chew up those behind it,” Nick commented.

Judy frowned. “But then they’ll start coming again before we can repair the defenses.”

Craze-E mumbled. “Zoombwanna ennabrenna…”

“Yes! I know they’ll eat our brains!”

Nick frowned. “Dammit, I just wish I could help.” He sighed, before his eyes widened. “Hang on, I can! Carrots!”

“Yes,” Judy said.

“No,” Nick said. “Not you, Carrots! Carrots!”

Judy looked to Craze-E, their eyes widening with the realisation, just as the elephant smushed the last sunhauser. Reaching the end, touching a lawnmower, they watched as it charged forwards, mincing the elephant and anything behind him (even a few zoombie jaguar limos).

In the path created, Judy placed Nick down and planted a new seed. Suddenly an orange root vegetable with twin green leafy tops burst out, looking at the foxlove with a smile on her… face? “Want to make the garden a better place, Nick?” she asked, drawing a gun from somewhere.

“Yeah,” Nick said, catching it as she brought out her own. “After all, we don’t want zoombies on our lawn, do we?”

The plants nodded, before somehow charging, guns blazing, into the breach.

.

.

**AN: Many thanks to the guys of the ZAA server who read through this, giving ideas such as more Craze-E ramblings and having McHorn's as Wolfthorn upgrades.**


	22. Creating a new edible

**AN: This was a little parody story I wrote for Crewefox’s birthday back in December.**

_._

_Ceartais Bunker._

_3.45 years after the Doom incident._

_._

“I cannae believe this… I cannae believe this!”

All eyes looked on at Olivia, their helpless expressions doing nothing to sate the small mouse’s rage. Nobody knew what to say or how to act, or how on earth they would all get out of this unscathed. And then the two little rodent sized eyes landed on team member Alice Kirabito, the scarred and battle hardened bunny feeling a shiver of dread and fear flash through her. “Tell me,” Olivia said, closing her eyes and her paws scrunching up. “How could ya…”

“Olivia…” she tried to say back.

“I mean how could ya…”

“Please, madame…”

“I mean how could ya cope with these cravings!” she yelled out, before collapsing in on herself in a pile of hormonal angst. A few months ago she’d finally married her old boyfriend Blake, their love rekindled ever since she quit the superhero life. Not soon after came the news that she was pregnant, carrying baby rat-mouse hybrids, or her little rice as she called them. Sadly, while a mouse pregnancy was only twenty days, it seemed that every single high, low, swing, urge and craving felt in a longer term had been concentrated down into that short period.

“I ate tacos,” Alice said, recounting her own pregnancy.

“And you don’t think I haven’t tried that!?” Olivia screamed out, her paws up and grasping into the air. “My boyfriend is the best chef in Zootopia, and not even he can cook what I want! He says that to get the right tastes, I’d be breaking the laws of food.”

“Listen, I know it is tough,” Alice offered again, “but I know you can stay strong.”

“I don’t think I can…” Olivia confessed, looking forward with a thousand-yard stare and shaking her head. Alice stepped back, looking at the others in the room before shaking her head. Her wife, noted surgeon, socialite and fellow vigilante Luna Wilde, shook hers too. So did team leader Kodi Jones, not even sure his skills at the mystic arts could mollify the insane sounding demands of his predecessor. The other team members: Clara Bloom, Robyn Wilde-Savage, Hannah Wilde-Savage and the AI Bella had no idea how to help. Heck, even their intern, Esso Reese, had no idea. Then again, she mainly worked for them so that they could monitor her mental health, all part of the special insanity plea that they’d helped organise for her after the whole Doom incident.

So, that night, the gang left Olivia with promises to try and think of things to help her out. She left and did her best to keep it together for her husband, putting on a pretty face even as her body demanded the impossible. It was all a bit taxing though so, next morning, she left early, wandering around the base’s labs and store rooms.

It was there that Bella noticed her. “ _Good Day Olivia,”_ it chirped, making her groan. “ _Given your current state, I have scanned through your archive and picked out something that might be of interest for you.”_

“Right. Whatever,” she mumbled, hankering after whatever it was again. “Just hand it over.”

To her surprise a screen across the room fizzled to life and, to her shock, a foreign yet familiar face stared out. It was her father. Not Dave or Basil, no… Her old Pa Flaversham, taken so long ago by the villainous Dr Padraic Rattigan. Her turmoil was briefly ceased, cut through by the sad shock as the grandfather her babies would never know twiddle about on screen, talking about how he’d innovated here and there when practicing his hobby of designing toys. And then he looked forward and spoke to her. “Of course, everything’s possible if you put your mind to it,” he said. “And I think that’s true of you too, my dear Olivia.” He cracked a little smile. “I have a feeling that you’re going to be a special little mammal, one who won’t take no for an answer. One who will push through the wee laws that others say exist. One who’ll make the impossible possible. For that, I’ll always be proud of you, my little Olivia.”

Far in the future, Olivia cleared a tear from her eye before breathing in. “Bella,” she shouted, a sudden determination rising from within her.

“ _Affirmative_.”

“Break out the hardware and cue the music, it’s time for a major remodellin’!”

Within minutes heavy rock was blaring out as a whole set of spare spitfire suits assembled. Each one grabbing a heavy sledgehammer, they swung it down on the concrete floor, soon following orders to do it in tune with the base line. Safety goggles on, Olivia marched along a table edge, surveying the work as dust filled the ever vibrating room. She then frowned. “I can do better than that.”

.

_(1 minute later)_

.

“CLEAR!” she shouted, before pushing down on a plunger. The whole bunker shook as the rough holes that had been hammered out were blasted open, a central ring of concrete falling through and crashing onto the floor below. The little mouse smiled, rubbing her hands with glee. “That’s how ya do it.”

With that done the mech’s were soon at work again, hauling out equipment and parts from old storage containers, running power lines and supercoolant tubes to where they needed to be and carrying her around so she could see it all. She was with them as they assembled a complex set of magnet arrays, alongside a glass vacuum sphere, an airlock system and several large tanks of compressed deuterium. It was as she held on to a shaking mech suit, busily breaking a new hole through the floor with an electric jackhammer, that Bella notified her of a knock on the door. “ _Miss Reese is here with the items you requested.”_

Ordering her mech to stop and removing her ear defenders, she turned to see the lynx in question just finishing her mocking of Bella’s announcement. “Here’s your stuff,” she grunted, handing over a shopping bag before looking around, her head cocked as she tried to work out just what on earth was going on.

Olivia, having checked that a certain black wrapped item had been provided, laughed. “You have no idea what I’m up to, do you?”

“Yeah, I don’t,” she muttered, pausing as she saw a mech carry a crate to the hole, dropping it down into the arms of one below.

The mouse gave her a wink. “Don’t worry, I’ll be sharing this with everyone once it’s done.”

…

An hour later, the crazed creation was finally coming together. Out on a table, Olivia and one of the mechs were following a set of recipe books and mixing together some kind of batter. Despite the heavy music and the sound of other mechs working, she still heard someone coming down the steps, turning to see Kodi enter the room.

The wolf looked around, then up at the ceiling. “I heard you broke the floor.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “Honestly though, that was three hours ago. Where ya been?”

He looked down at her and shrugged. “You know, doing stuff,” he said, turning to give a nosy at the contents of some of her crates.

“Yeah, me too,” Olivia chirped, gesturing around. “I’m fixin’ that whole cravin’ problem, right here and now. I’m gonna be outta all our furry freak brothers fur for the rest of this pregnancy, as long as ya let me finish here of course.”

She smiled and looked over at the wolf, just as he peered into one of the crates and backed off in shock. In he leant again, pulling out a racoon sized thief’s cane, the ancient wooden shaft tipped with an angular bronze coloured hook, before looking her dead in the eyes. “Olivia. What’s _this_ doing here?”

The mouse looked down at the item in his paws and couldn’t help but smile. “Oh, that’s it! That’s what I need for this. Take it over there.” One of his ears flopping down in confusion, Kodi complied, moving over until another spitfire mech held on to it with him. “Good, now right over there, there…”

He looked up at her sceptically. “You know what this is?”

“It’s exactly what I need to make this work,” she said, as her mech slid it under a large pipe like thing, levering it up between two large drums. “Now drop it.” It all sunk into position, the mech scanning it and giving Olivia a thumbs up. “Get in! Perfectly level! Anyway, as you can see I’m busy, so whatya need?”

“Nothing,” he said. “Goodbye. Hannah, Robyn and I are being reassigned. Director Winters wants us in Sahara square.”

“Fantastic, land of enchantment.”

His ears went down. “If that ‘mummy’ gets its way, yes.”

“Oooh, magic stuff?”

“Potentially,” he said, before giving one last look at her equipment. “Good luck.”

“Yeah, not that I’ll be needing it,” she said cheekily, as she turned up to shake his paw.

“Stay safe,” he said, turning and starting on his way out.

“Tchhh, of course I will!”

Kodi gave a sidelong glance to the cane. “Just be careful around any angry racoon-fox hybrids wanting their heirlooms back.”

Olivia gave the remark a grunt, before getting back to work.

.

“ _Initialising magnetic containment system._ ”

Olivia, black welding goggles covering her eyes, nodded, waving over one of her mech’s to turn a huge valve. It touched it before a loud clang rang out, several screws flying out onto neighbouring magnets as the machine jittered and stopped responding. The mouse frowned, before ordering over another mech. Keeping its distance, it gently picked up the crippled mech’s legs and lifted them up, using it as a lever to pull open the valve. Up in the vacuum chamber a purple glow began to form as the fusor came to life.

“ _Approaching maximum power.”_

Pressing a large red button, Olivia rubbed her paws in glee as a set of super strong magnets began elevating a batter coated object out of the batter tub and up into the airlock at the base of the fusor. None of it was dripping, instead all held perfectly flat on all sides as the bottom door closed, air quickly pumped out. Then, it rose again into the fusor as the magnetic fields began interfering. Lights began dimming as more power was drawn while the equipment began shaking in place. There was a short spark, then a large one, then a larger one, a blast of lightning suddenly arcing out from one of the superconductors. Downstairs the emergency generator came on, the whole building rumbling, all while nuts and bolts began flying about in the coursing magnetic fields.

Most of the mechs held their positions or backed off, but the one that had first gripped the wheel was torn off, smashing into one of the superconductor banks as the emergency siren began going off. It got louder and louder and louder, the machines smoking and hissing with fire, and then…

It powered down, Olivia shrugging. “Tha’ was easy,” she said, moving her mech to the base of the fusor as what had gone inside dropped out. A rectangle covered in foamy, even, crispy batter, and with a smell that nobody had ever smelt before…

Except of course in the craving addled mind of the mouse looking at it now.

“ _Congratulations. You have created a new edible.”_

Olivia licked her lips. “Cannae change the laws of cooking my ass. One plasma fried mars bar, served right up!”


	23. Political

**.**

.

_38 years ago…_

.

.

_Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta…_

"Huh, what?" Sleepy eyes opened, looking around curiously as they adjusted to the lack of light.

_Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta…_

"Mommy?"

"Anna, sweety? What's the matter?"

Anna looked up as her mother walked in, turning the light on and revealing her sleepy visage. "I heard a sound, mommy."

"You know, I did too," she spoke, glancing around quickly. "Maybe one of the gutters is loose."

Anna nodded, feeling a hint of relief. That made sense. "Okay then."

"Yeah…"

"-Just I heard a lot of people talking about stuff earlier, it sounded like something bad might be going to happen." It was the truth, things had been a bit odd lately, the grown ups and even some of the other pups in her class acting weird. It had worried her, and with that sound it had done so even more.

But mommy said it was okay, so it was okay, right?

_Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta… Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta… Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta…_

She shuffled up on her bed, pulling down her thick duvet and peering out of the window, looking around and trying to see anything. "Is this an April fools?"

"Ah. -We can only do those before twelve," her mother said very quickly, leaning down and ruffling her head-fur. Her eyes closed and she grinned wide, her tail wagging behind her. "So no," her mother said, planting a kiss beneath her right ear. "Just go back to bed please."

 _Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta…_ _Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta…_ _Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta…_ _Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta…_ _Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta…_

"Mommy," Anna said, breaking off and suddenly concerned again. "It doesn't sound like it's a loose gutter." She looked out, squinting, thinking she could see some flashes or specs of light out there.

There was a pause, her mother taking a breath in and out, a worryingly serious expression growing on her muzzle. "-Anna," she spoked, something holding on her tongue. She bent down, holding her paws tight and looking into her eyes. "I need to tell you what's going on, but please stay calm…"

She was cut off by a set of dull bangs from outside and a large one from inside, her father charging in. "They're coming!"

.

* * *

.

_Zootopia: Present Day._

.

"Donuts or churros, Fluff?"

"Donuts. We're cops Slick, what kind of question is that?"

"Touché," Nick agreed, smiling as they cruised down the road. He kept his eyes peeled though; he had a job to do. They turned a corner, slipping past the entrance to a metal industrial shed before rolling down past some older brick buildings, every now and again spotting one with boarded up windows or a sprig of a tree growing out of it.

"Falafel or halloumi?"

Off his shades came as he looked at her. "Hot damn, now there's a tricky one."

"I know," she spoke, smiling.

"Well, haloumi tends to just be haloumi. But you can have different kinds of falafel, and in different things, so falafel it is. Bugburger or fried fish?"

"Nick!"

"What? You asked me about vegetarian stuff, I ask you about meaty stuff."

"But you've tried those things," she countered. "I haven't yours."

"Well then," he spoke, "you'll have to try them both when I order them at…"

"-So that was what this was about!" Judy exclaimed, before looking at the smug fox.

"Guilty as charged," he replied. "I mean, we're in the neighbourhood." Indeed, they were -almost. A few years back, The Pacific Terminal, used in the times of the great ocean liners as the start and end point for routes out to the Australia, Pawaii, the East Indies and the rest of the orient, had been restored. Now a great indoor market, with large windows and outdoor terraces facing the ocean, it was a prime tourist destination. Just like the nearby Sunset pier, a long-loved fun park destination, fifteen minutes walk away, jutting out of the already popular waterfront.

It came as no surprise then that the footfall between the two was enormous. However, the land in between was a tourist unfriendly mess of old rail-lines, quays and this kind of rundown industrial area. And, with plenty of rich tourists or younger teens on their own, it was a prime spot for wanna-be stick-ups and robberies. Indeed, it had soon surged as one of the most crime ridden areas in the city, and easily the most crime dense. So, the good members of the ZPD were patrolling around to help scare off the malcontents.

"Or, as I'm the driver, I use my executive veto and take us to the seaboard."

"You'll really go to the crummy and expensive place rather than the nice and expensive place to spite me?"

"To win, yes," she said, only to pause as her radio fizzed, Clawhauser speaking out.

"We got a 10-10 at Pacific Terminal, anyone nearby?"

"10-4, Ben," Judy replied, her eyes narrowing. A fight was in progress, at… "Don't say a word, Slick."

"Wasn't going to," he replied. "After all, I can just smile smugly in silence."

.

* * *

.

Anna shivered, crying into her mother as the sound of bullets echoed across the town. There was a dull explosion, the little girl whimpering as she cuddled up closer. Her father, peeking up over the windowsill, narrowed his eyes. "They're taking the government house," he spoke. There was a lull in the sounds and Anna let go of her mother, looking out nervously as dawn came. The autumn sun was lighting up the familiar view of colourful squat-built houses and the low dull hills beyond. Her ears pricked up as a strange vehicle rolled past. Not a tank, but almost one, hard angular metal on top of multiple tractor like wheels. It looked ugly and nasty amongst her home.

Her father looked at her and told her to stay put, walking out.

A few minutes passed, before he walked back in. "It's done," he said coldly.

Not long after, people began coming out of their houses. She was held between her parents' paws as they assemble on the street, looking on. Over half of her neighbours were like her, small canids with dull grey fur tinged with a slight brown hue, like a well weathered piece of wood. The inside of their ears and tips of their tails were white, but a single band of darker fur wrapped around the latter, right above the tip. The rest of them tended to be the old marine species, otters and seals, alongside some wolves. In a way she was a wolf too, but they were supposedly very different species. She just knew that their one was bigger than her one, though she felt that was okay. Most of the people who lived here were her kind anyway.

It all came as a shock then as the troops began rolling past. There were the soldiers she knew, the ones who often stayed here to protect their town: wolves and lions and a few other different kinds of mammals, the only ones of their kind she'd ever seen in person. But they were marching towards the playing fields, paws or hooves on their heads, escorted by many other bizarre mammals in different uniforms, holding guns at the ready. Strange tall ones with long necks and woolly coats; types of goats she'd never seen before, even on tv; massive otters with slick brown fur; whole herds of horses where she'd only ever seen one before; a tall looking wolf with dark red fur, like a giant fox; huge big cats, a big like leopards or cheetahs but with flower like splotches on their fur; and lots of small squat brown furred creatures too.

They escorted the friendly soldiers away, before one, one of the giant cats who she'd later learn was a jaguar, picked up a microphone, speaking out.

.

* * *

.

"Two foxes, one speaking in Spanish?" Nick queried, as they slipped out of their cruiser and head inside.

"10-4," Ben replied.

"Are you sure that one of them isn't a zorro?"

"They didn't say, but both are said to have grey fur."

"Right," Nick grunted. He'd been pleasantly surprised when the academy, as part of its 'species sensitivity' courses, had touched upon the difference between true foxes like himself (genus: _Vulpes_ ) and false foxes (genus: _Lycalopex_ ). The latter, also generally referred to as South American foxes, usually preferred to be known as zorros and, while most were fine with it, some could get very ticked off if referred to as a fox.

Just because the police knew didn't mean the public knew, or cared. They entered the huge space that was the terminal, the main area filled with tables and chairs while being interspersed with trees. It was very similar in appearance to the main railway station, though when the arch reached its apex the other half was cut off by a wall, part of a whole verandaed frontage that hosted many of the trendy shops and markets.

"Second floor," Judy said, and off she went, leading them up some black cast iron steps before travelling along an almost ship like promenade, slipping past various mammals.

"There argument is over there," someone said and they turned, entering a small store. It was almost anticlimactic; only one table was knocked over, its contents strewn across the floor. Apart from that, the only evidence was the two mammals themselves, staring each other off with their fur raised and teeth baring.

"Okay," Nick announced. "Everyone, just calm down here, okay?"

The two held back a bit, letting the red fox get a good look at them. He brought his radio up and spoke in. "Okay, two perps, seems like they were getting argumentative but no real violence. One is a male zorro, a chilla to be exact. Mid-thirties." Also known as a South American gray fox (zorro), they looked like a slightly smaller and more rounded version of Nick with grey back fur and white belly fur.

"Affirmative," the cheetah acknowledged. "And the other?"

"Female, mid-forties."

"Species?"

"Honestly Spots, I don't know. I've never seen a canine like that before." Indeed, he hadn't. Superficially, the colourings were fox-like: a slightly off-grey coat over most of her body, with a very small white bib and a white tipped tail. What set her apart though was the black band on her tail, right above her tip and, rather more pressingly, her size. She was as big as a coyote, and if it wasn't for those colour tells he'd have bagged her for one. Maybe there were some rare fox types that Nick didn't know about, but he was still pretty sure the red ones were the largest.

The canine, or rather canid, seemed to acknowledge it, before looking at them. "Sorry," she said, sounding very British. "I have to explain it a lot. I'm a…"

"-Warrah," the chilla spoke with a south American accent, smiling. "She's a warrah." There was a pause as the larger canine began to growl.

"-I am not a…"

"-You are!"

"-Warrah!"

"-You always have been, you always will be," he shouted. "Face the facts, it's not offensive, it's the truth."

"Warrah?" Judy asked, pausing as the larger canid glared at her.

"Don't listen to him," she spoke. "I'm a…"

"-Warrah!" he spoke again, only for her to carry on.

"-Falkland…"

"-Warrah!"

"-Islands…"

"-Warrah!"

"-Wolf!"

"-Warrah!"

Nick glanced at Judy before picking up his radio. "Spots, this isn't a fox-zorro thing. It's something a lot messier."

.

* * *

.

"Residentes de la Islas Malvinas," the jaguar spoke. "I am commander Alejio of the Argentinian liberation force. The imperialist forces have removed, and the islands are the under control of their rightful rulers. To all those descended from Europeans, have no fear, your lives will go unchanged. But this is a great day for the native warrahs, who for the first day are liberated from the oppressors who took their islands from them."

There was a long pause, no-one speaking. Anna looked around, confused. "Mommy, what's a warrah?"

"I don't know dear," she spoke, before looking around. Other Falkland Island Wolves like her were doing the same, confused.

The commander looked on, frowning. "I repeat, to all warrahs…"

"What's a warrah?" someone spoke.

The jaguar looked on, confused. "You are! You are a warrah. _Dusicyon Australis_ , critically endangered indigenous canid of Las Malvinas, we are here to liberate you under the flag of mother Argentina."

Anna's mother looked down. "A warrah is what they call us," she said.

"But I don't want to be a warrah! I am a Falkland Islands wolf!"

"To all warrahs! You are warrahs, there is no more discussion about it," he spoke, before carrying on, discussing the new rules and laws that were to be put in effect. Most of them went over Anna's head, she was told to just behave and stay safe. They all went home and sat down, just taking in the news. Scared, Anna cried into her mother.

"I don't want to be a warrah, I don't want to be one…"

"You're not," her father said, eventually. "They can take a lot from us, but they can't take that."

They tried to, though. They tried to.

A few days later, all residents of the island were given new ID cards. Anna couldn't help but sob on seeing hers, both at the Argentinian sun in place of a union jack and the species name given for her. Warrah. She. Was. Not. A. Warrah!

She was a Falkland Islands Wolf, she had been since she was born, she liked being one!

Thankfully, her parents soon got a marker and scrawled out the offending species name, putting the right one in its place. She was worried that they'd get in trouble, the invaders had guns after all! Her father reassured her that all members of the species were doing this, and that they weren't going to shoot them. "It'd be total genocide if they did," he spoke, rapping his fingers against the table. "They don't seem like they could do that."

They couldn't, nobody got in trouble for the change. Instead, a month later when the real liberation force was approaching, they were all given new ID cards. These ones were completely black, the words made out in white, making them impossible to sabotage.

In the short period of Argentine rule, many things like that happened. The teachers refused to address Anna and those of her species as warrahs, or teach Argentinian history. She remembered an assembly where the whole school was given a big presentation by the islands' military commanders, coming in to tell them about the great Leapardo Galtieri, their president.

"We didn't vote for him!" one of the older kids, way at the back of the hall, shouted.

The soldier giving the presentation snapped to, looking over. "Who said that?"

Nobody answered the question, though someone else did speak. "The Iron Lady's gonna get you!"

The soldier snapped around. "You should be grateful for him, especially the warrahs amongst you who he freed."

"What's a warrah?" the same mammal asked, Anna looking back to see a Falkland Islands Wolf like her speaking.

"Yeah, what's a warrah?" someone else asked.

"What's a warrah?"

"What's a warrah?"

Soon everyone was asking out, even Anna, and she giggled as the soldiers ordered them to be quiet, then ordering the teachers to order them to be quiet. The teachers stood silent, many of them asking the same question themselves. The soldiers soon left, fuming.

They tried a few more times. Soldiers began coming in individually, teaching the cubs in small their classrooms. It didn't go well. The first teacher was a 'cappy-barra' who tried to be friendly. Whenever he addressed them as a warrah though the kids ignored him. They didn't fear them. They didn't respect them.

Soon, they gave up. Anna liked to think that they'd beaten them, but it was more that they had other things going on. A few days later she woke up to a loud series of bangs off in the distance. The British were coming to save them, they'd bombed the airport. The next day someone came in, beaming with news he'd heard over the radio. An Argentine battleship had been torpedoed by a nuclear submarine. Everyone cheered.

With winter setting in, school was soon cancelled, and her parents and family began to get ready for what was coming next. The rest of May was spent with the far-off sounds of jets and explosions in the air, Anna occasionally looking for them out of her window. With a pair of binoculars that she usually used to look at the penguins, she'd see the Argentine fighters fly fast and low, going out to see. Near the end of the month, she was seeing harriers in the air too. Near the end of May, the news had come in, the soldiers were landing. The next few weeks were scary, the sound of gunfire echoing off in the distance, interspersed with the screaming of jets in the air.

And all the time, it got closer and closer and closer.

And all the time, through all the fighting, two things never changed.

She, a Falkland Islands wolf, was called a warrah, and she hated it.

.

* * *

.

"Back off, back off," Nick spoke, getting between them. "Okay," he said, before glancing at a nearby mammal. "Independent third party, how did this start?"

The hapless ewe he'd picked on shrugged. "I… -he asked why a warrah like her was wearing that."

"That?"

The chilla pointed. "The flag of her oppressor." Nick turned and groaned, realising that she was wearing a union jack T-shirt.

"And then she said that it was her country and that she wasn't a warrah, and things just got worse."

"Right," Nick groaned, turning to the South American gray fox. "Hey, Mr Fox?"

"Yes," he spoke, smiling.

Nick paused, annoyed. He didn't mind, right… Made things less fun, but oh well. "Leave her alone."

"No."

Nick blinked. "Excuse me, I'm asking you nicely and I'm a police officer…"

"-and you're wrong. She is not a wolf, she's in a completely different genus. She's a warrah, just like las Malvinas son Argentinas."

The wolf barred her teeth, but Judy went up to her with a paw, calming her down. Nick locked eyes with the smaller fox. "Leave her alone. Her species gets to choose what it's called…"

The fox glanced at him, frowning. "I was born in Argentina, hearing about the heroes who went to liberate our land! Taught day after day about how the warrahs are one of us, brothers and sisters stolen from us, colonised by a foreign power on the other side of the world! I did essays about how it must feel to be one, renamed, your indigenous language wiped out, made to love your conqueror, freed for two blissful months before being reconquered."

"Oh, shut up," the wolf shouted. "Before the British came there were no trees on the islands, my entire species lived in the stone age. I'm a Falkland Island Wolf, I'm British, I was when I was born, when you guys invaded my home, and I am now. So just piss off!"

Nick looked back to the chilla. "It seems like you're wrong."

He snarled. "No, I know what I was taught and I know it was true. It's you and the warrah who are wrong. Las Malvinas son Argentinas."

Nick groaned, before looking at Judy. They both glanced at the wolf, who sighed. "Well excuse me, I'm going to leave and be wrong in peace."

The chilla smiled as if he'd won a great victory. Nick groaned, knowing that it wasn't a fight worth fighting. "Just leave the wolf alone," he ordered.

"Sure, I will leave the wolf alone," he spoke, a smile growing on his muzzle as the others turned to face him, even the wolf herself. "After all, maybe she wants to be called a wolf. Do you know what the Spanish for wolf is?" He turned to stare down the Falkland Islands wolf, his grin growing sickeningly. "Lobo. It's Lobo, Senorita Islas Malvinas Lobo."

The wolf paused, before turning and storming out, the chilla heckling behind her. Nick frowned on, annoyingly unable to do anything.

He'd stopped a fight though, which was probably the best outcome there was. The chilla went back shopping, happy in his victory, while Nick eventually left. He found Judy again, sitting down with Judy and the wolf.

"Sorry we couldn't do much," he spoke, looking away from her. "Free speech and such…"

She sighed, looking away. "I guess it is what it is," she said, before looking around. "How many mammals do you think are in here?"

"Oh, a few thousand," Judy said.

The wolf nodded. "More than there are in my homeland. More than there are my species in the world…"

Judy blinked a few times. "They're that rare?"

She nodded. "But almost all are on the islands. Around two-hundred are in the UK too, about ten-percent, which is just about a viable population. I went there a few times, so it's not my first time being in these crazy crowds, being in places with more species than there are members of mine."

"First time dealing with one of those?" Nick asked, gesturing over to where they'd come from.

"No," she said. "Dealt with quite a lot of them for a few months when I was six…"

There was a long pause.

"Oh, it wasn't so bad," she said. "Except being called the wrong thing. I mean, what's a warrah?"

.

* * *

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Dusicyon Australis, alternatively known as The Falkland Islands Wolf or the Warrah, is an extinct canid and the only native land mammal on the islands. They were described by Charles Darwin on one of his voyages, who literally predicted that they would soon go the way of the dodo (and was sadly correct). This chapter was based on an idea I had, about how the very names of species could become political tools. With this species linked to a place with a very recent conflict, and a similar renaming issue, it seemed like the ideal set-up to explore it. IRL, all Falkland residents are descended from British settlers, there being no indigenous peoples. In this situation, that isn't true. However, any indigenous population would have lived in truly deplorable conditions for millennia up until the settlers arrived, given the lack of even trees on the islands (present now around Stanley after being imported). Stone age would be an accurate term.
> 
> The demographic/historical situation would therefor be more like British Overseas Territories such as Montserrat.
> 
> The Falklands war started with the Argentine invasion on the night of the 1st of April, 1982. The next morning, the British garrison surrendered and were repatriated by their captors.
> 
> This chapter was posted on the 1st of May, 2020, the 38th anniversary of the first Black Buck raid, in which Vulcan bombers made the 12,000 km round trip from the RAF base on Ascension Island to attack the runway at Stanley. The strategic value of the raids is debatable: it certainly caught the Argentines unawares and stopped the use of the runway for fast jets, but none were based there at the time, instead flying in from the mainland and having only five minutes of combat time before having to return. Had they been though, then the British aerial dominance in the war might have been destroyed: the British planes were outnumbered 6 to 1, and were made up of sub-sonic harriers. These could stay low and were very manoeuvrable, with excellent weapons systems, letting them hit the ground attack aircraft going for the ships. Had the Argentinian supersonic mirage interceptors been able to engage them in prolonged dogfights, the scales may have been significantly tipped.
> 
> As it was, the runway could still be used by Hercules transport aircraft, resupplying the ground troops.
> 
> On the 2nd of May, the nuclear submarine HMS Conqueror sunk the Argentine destroyer General Belgrano (in the story it's referred to as a battleship, in a generic sense). It's the only case of a nuclear submarine sinking a ship in open combat. Originally the USS Phoenix, the ship was noted for surviving Pearl Harbor unscathed. While some arguments were raised about it being a legitimate target or not (it was just outside the total naval exclusion zone, though the British had stated over a week before that any ship posing a threat outside the region could be attacked), records show that it was working its way towards the British fleet at the time. Her Captain later stated that the submarine did its duty in sinking her, a position held by the Argentine Navy but not the Argentine government.
> 
> The decision to sink the ship was made by PM Margaret Thatcher herself. The destruction of the spaceship in David Tenant's first Dr Who episode, ordered by PM Harriet Jones (and narratively condemned, leading to the fall of the character), has been noted for its similarities to this event.
> 
> 323 men were lost, 772 rescued. As was tradition (since the first world war) amongst royal navy submarines returning from successful deployments, Conqueror flew the Jolly Roger, in her case with torpedoes replaying the bones and with an atom symbol present below the skull. In recognition of her successful sinking, the outline of a warship was sewn on in one corner.
> 
> The Belgrano's sinking contributed to the Argentine Navy, including their carrier, staying away for the rest of the war, giving the British naval superiority in addition to air.
> 
> Stanley, the capital of the islands (renamed Puerto Argentino during the conflict) and (as of 2016) home to 2,460 out of the 3,398 residents, was liberated on the 14th of June.
> 
> In 2013, a referendum was held on the status of the islands, 99.8% of the population voting for the status quo. Argentina refuses to recognise the locals as party to the negotiations.


	24. Long Live the King

**Long live the King**

.

“Happy Mufasa day kids!”

The classroom burst into cheers and clapping as the day began. They all loved it, and for great reason. The greatest story in Zootopia was of Mufasa Pride, first king of the Pridelands and writer of the first constitution in mammal history.

The children loved it too. One in particular more than any other. Mufasa Delgato. The little lion cub was giddy with excitement as his namesake, his hero, was talked about. Heck, he went to Mufasa Pride school! Well, Mufasa Pride V school, but it was still a Mufasa Pride. The little lion cub always wished to live up to be like his hero, the brave, noble, wise Lion. Well, almost. He wasn’t going to be killed by a treacherous brother, was he? (It kind of helped that he only had sisters).

Of course, with the day came many great learning opportunities. First though was the play! His whole pride was putting it on again for the school, as they always did. He watched the great unveiling of little Simba, who he’d wished to play himself! He hadn’t got the part though, and instead watched as the great tale went on. Simba grew, only for the evil Scar to trick him, luring out of the Pridelands and into the dark Elephants Graveyard. He held his breath.

“HWAHWAHWA…”

He scowled before stamping his feet along with every other lion. “BOOOO!!!!”

“HWAHWAHWA… HWAHWAHWA…” Three lions, dressed in grey rags and with hyena masks on their heads burst out. They laughed and cackled evilly, despite all the loud booing, and circled around poor little Simba. “I am Shenzi! Evil queen of the hyena’s, and I’m gonna eat you.”

“But you said that you’d share with me!” her companion protested.

“Uhhhh… I tink you’ll find dat she was gonna share with me,” the other said, sending the audience into a fit of laughter.

“No, me.”

“No, me.”

“No, me.”

“No, me.”

“Right, with none of you!” Shenzi barked, knocking their heads together, much to the audience’s joy. Mufasa burst into laughter, and then roared as the real Mufasa jumped in. The scared hyena’s ran off, though it wasn’t to last. Soon the evil King Scar the Usurper was back, rallying them on. They went on a raiding party, creating a stampede of terrified wildebeest (or lions dressed as such) that almost killed Prince Simba, tricked into acting as bait. The Great King Mufasa saved his son but was betrayed and thrown off by his brother, killed. Off poor Simba fled, as evil Scar stood tall over the lions, bringing up his hyenas to scare them straight. And so Prince Simba left and grew up, while Scar’s hyenas caused the great famine, acting like monsters to all the poor innocent mammals and destroying the circle of life. In the end though, Simba returned! Scar was killed, his hyenas betraying him.

“And so,” Simba said, as he threw the hyenas off the stage to applause and cheers. “The natural order was returned! The rains returned, the circle of life was fixed, and good beat evil. The end!”

Mufasa Delgato leapt up and cheered, clapping as hard as he could. “Long live the King. Long live the king!”

Of course, he was still at school, and back to lessons they went. Still, Mufasa day was full of great learning opportunities. He eagerly looked on as the first little sheet was put forward, showing a circle with lots of different boxes around it. He knew what it was!

“Now children,” Mrs Kara, the ferret teaching them, said, looking around. “Who can guess what this is?”

Mufasa’s paw was up and his voice shouting out. “Circle of Life! Circle of Life! Circle of Life!”

She rolled her eyes. “No shouting out Mufasa,” she warned, as his paw went down. “But yes, it’s the Circle of Life. But, -no shouting Mufasa, can you tell me what it is?”

Mufasa’s paw shot up, but it was Alex, a sheep student, who got picked. “It’s a constitution.”

“That’s right, the very first. But, can you tell me what a constitution is?”

Mufasa had a rough idea. It was a set of rules that told everyone how to work together in peace and harmony. He didn’t get asked though. Instead it was Jay, a gazelle, who answered. “It’s a bit of paper that tells mammals how to act and who gets to control who. And back then it put Lions on top.”

Well duh, Mufasa thought. Lions were the king! You needed a king, didn’t you? You’d need to be stupid or a hyena to think otherwise.

“It’s a bit more than that,” Mrs Kara explained. “You see, back then, there were all kinds of different species living in the Pridelands. Now, put your paw or hoof up if you’re one of them.”

Mufasa threw up his paw, as did plenty other mammals. Others, including foxes, badgers, sheep and all sorts, kept their paws down. Mrs Kara looked around, smiling, pausing as she spotted Adhira the elephant. “Ah, not you.”

“But I’m an elephant.”

“But you’re an Indian elephant,” she said smiling, twiddling her ears. “Do your ears look like India or Africa?”

“Uhhhh…”

Mrs Kara stepped back and pointed at the two places on a map.

“-India!”

“Yup,” she chirped, pointing to the east of Africa. “Now the Pridelands were here. So, while there were plenty of Elephants in the Pridelands, they weren’t your type.”

“Okay,” she said, as Mrs Kara turned around.

“Anyway, I -Oh, Shenzi?”

Mufasa’s ears rose and he turned to look at the corner of the room.

“-You can put your paw up too; you came from there as well.”

Mufasa didn’t agree. That wasn’t how it was! Still, he watched as the hyena girl in the corner slowly stuck her paw up too. The lion cub kept an eye on her, after all she was called Shenzi!

“-Anyhow,” Mrs Kara continued. “Back in the Pridelands, all the mammals there lived in tribes. All the tribes had different names, so Lions were…”

“-Prides!” Mufasa shot out, starting a wave of voices.

“Herds!”

“Packs!”

“Leaps!”

“Towers!”

“Yes, yes, lots of those,” she said, glancing over at Shenzi with a smile. “Cackles too.”

There were a set of giggles from the class, even Mufasa. Laughing hyenas…

“I think that’s my favourite,” the ferret continued, looking over. Shenzi smiled slightly, looking happier, though Mufasa disagreed. A cackle of hyenas was his least favourite thing.

“Anyway,” she said, “those tribes were all independent and fought each other, predators especially needing to hunt and kill prey mammals to get food. But Mufasa Pride felt that it was wrong. On Pride Rock, he came up with a new idea. No mammals would need to be killed again. Instead, the constitution, or circle of life, was put in. He believed that every mammal could be helped by another kind of mammal, and could help another in return. Cooperating, instead of fighting. Prey would give predators their milk and their dead for food, help dig up termite mounds for their food and even carry in fish from the sea and lakes. Predators in return wouldn’t eat them, and they’d both defend them and use their nimble paws to craft tools, clothes, weapons and build houses. The circle of life, the idea that all mammals help each other and the killing of mammals for food ended, was the first rule of the constitution. The second was that each tribe sent forth a leader, their alpha male, to hold council on Pride Rock. Now, Mufasa was king and what he said was ultimately law. BUT he did listen to other species as well. In time, those tribe alphas would get votes, which let them make and decide their own laws. Eventually all mammals got the vote, just like all mammals can live in peace and prosperity and with all others, all started by Mufasa Pride!”

There was a round of cheering and clapping, from little Mufasa especially. “Long live the king! Long live the king! Long… -Mrs! Shenzi isn’t clapping! Shenzi isn’t clapping!”

“She doesn’t have to clap if she doesn’t want to,” she dismissed, cutting Mufasa off. Others stopped clapping, turning to the ungrateful hyena.

“But she should clap,” Mufasa said.

“Well, in the story…” Mrs Kara began.

“-I know that evil hyenas led by a Shenzi helped kill good King Mufasa!” he claimed. “She should still clap!”

“Mufasa,” she cut off.

“He’s her king.”

“Mufasa!”

“They should show they’re not traitors!”

“MUFASA!” she screamed, causing him to go quiet. “Go to the Principal’s office.”

“But…”

“Do you want detention for speaking out of turn again?” she asked, paws on hips.

“But it’s Mufasa day…” he mumbled, sniffing. “And she should…”

“It’s no excuse for interrupting the class,” she said, pointing him about. Sobbing and sniffing, the little lion cub began to walk out. It wasn’t fair! He turned, spotting the teacher telling Shenzi to calm down and wipe herself up… She should be coming with him! She wasn’t clapping for King Mufasa the Great! The greatest king there ever was.

In the end he got a lecture about talking out of turn. Yes, Shenzi should have clapped, but she didn’t have to if she didn’t want to and that was no excuse to disrupt the class for everyone. In the end, he was let out and, thankfully, had only missed the more boring class work. There was still plenty of fun stuff, and in the end he went home, having had a happy Mufasa day.

…

“Mufasa?”

“Yes Mom?”

“Your teacher said you interrupted her today.”

His eyes went wide. “But it was because there was this hyena, and she was called Shenzi, and she wasn’t clapping when it came to King Mufasa.”

“Well,” his mother said, rolling her eyes as she bent forward and wrapped an arm around him, hoisting him up. “She’s a hyena called Shenzi,” she sassed. “What did you expect?”

“I…” he began, before nodding.

“Listen,” she said, booping his nose. “It may be a long time ago, but some mammals can’t get over being the bad guys in the stories, and hyenas were the worst guys, _weren’t they_?”

Mufasa giggled.

“Except maybe Scar the Usurper. And he was a Lion, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah, but a bad lion.”

“A very bad lion. Now come on, let’s get dinner.”

.

.

.

Mufasa day wasn’t really a day of joy for Mufasa Delgato anymore. But it was still a day of pride. Lion Pride! He was too cool to be one of those flag wavers, he was a sixteen-year-old high schooler, not a little cub anymore. But that didn’t mean that he’d abandoned King Mufasa. That mammal was still cool in his own way, a hero to Zootopia. It was why he’d chosen to give his speech to history class on him.

“-To sum up, King Mufasa the Great laid the foundations for what would become Zootopia. Of democracy, of equal rights, of justice. He built a nation and defended it from those who wished to tear it down in its infancy, standing up and showing no mercy as he dealt with the barbarians who, if they had their way, would still have us living in anarchy today. Thank you.”

He bowed to a round of applause, his teacher nodding along appreciatively. “A traditional choice, but a very good execution of it,” the deer said. “Any questions?”

The classroom of apathetic teenagers barely responded, bar one mammal who was eager to respond. Mufasa groaned a little as he saw a dark brown paw raised above an ugly face, a shock of a mohican spiking out from her head. He looked around, before picking the mammal behind Shenzi. The wolf stood up. “You claim that Mufasa Pride was instrumental in founding democracy, but what about the wolf tribes? For thousands of years, our species had pack systems that slowly expanded, incorporating new mammal species. While what Mufasa founded was notable, surely it wasn’t the only case?”

Bit of a spotlight stealer, Mufasa thought. Still, valid question. “Well, maybe they were founded independently, though those wolf tribes were similar to the existing packs in the Pridelands. It’s well known that Mufasa Pride was a major admirer of the African Wild Dogs, who had a similar proto-democracy in their packs, and it was a key inspiration for his vision. Ultimately, Lupine culture did have major influences on future developments, but the core it bolted on to was still the work of Mufasa the Great.”

New question. Shenzi’s paw was still up, the hyena glaring at him. Well, she wouldn’t be getting it then. A curious deer and pig were answered, before he stepped down to applause.

Up went Shenzi, Mufasa looking to his friend, a llama, as she went. “Let’s see what the barbarian has to say,” he whispered. His friend giggled as she stood up.

“It’s fitting that our last talk was about Mufasa the Great,” she said, the room going quiet. “This is a speech about an unsung hero of history, one who stood up and fought for her people against that speciesist, genocidal tyrant. My namesake, Shenzi Kalani.”

The room was lit with simmering whispers, mammals turning to each other and asking if they’d heard that right. She was really going to call that barbarian the hero and the founder of Pred-Prey cooperation a tyrant? Mufasa shook his head, this was going to be stupid. At first, he paid little attention, but as time went on he couldn’t help but listen closer and get angrier.

“It is well known from their oral history and texts that the lions of Priderock had long had enemies in the hyena clans. I am not judging them for this, it was the time of tooth and fang, as our stories call them. Every tribe for themselves. But ancient cave paintings, from the earliest days of unification tell a story very different to the one that his ilk and decedents have told you all your lives.” She brought up a picture, showing the cave artwork. “As you can see here, a circle of different species, both pred and prey are given. Hundreds of these are found across the lands, the early recording of histories by various tribesmammals. ALL contain hyenas in them, part of the circle, bar two.” She flipped to a new one. “This one here, according to experts, was made by Mufasa the Great himself, or at least dictated to a scribe. Evidence suggests that this was the advisor Zazu.” There was a long pause. “Hyena’s are not in the circle. Instead, they are over here.”

She showed a display, various caricatures of her kind drawn on. Mufasa shook his head. What was she getting on at, it was just old cave art. Just because they painted the kind that murdered the greatest king of all time ugly didn’t mean they had a right to do what they did.

“The other is by the Painted Dog tribes, which Mufasa Pride supposedly admired so much.” There was a long pause, as she revealed a set of intricate paintings. “They show what my kind have known for years. The warring tribes. The initial alliance, us as one of the circle. Then a great pestilence.” She leant over and pointed at pictures of mammals lying down and wasting away. “These black spots here,” she said, “are characteristic of anthrax. Bone tests at the same time suggest that there was a major outbreak, likely caused by the coming together of many species for the first time. In the animal kingdom, there is only one set of species immune to that terrible disease, hyenids.”

 _Boring…_ Mufasa thought.

“Here we are shown caring for the mammals,” she continued. “This figure here is believed to be Shenzi Kalani herself.” Various mammals were shown looking around the leader of the helpers, a large hyena. “But her good deeds did not go unpunished.” A new set of figures showing… Mufasa saw lions, a big one among them, seeming to say that the hyenas were creating the black spots. “Seeing her gaining popularity, Mufasa Pride, already shown to hate our kind, started a smear campaign. We weren’t immune to it, we were the spreaders! And so he riled up hate and banished us into the wastes.”

There was a long pause, Mufasa’s eyes narrowing. This was stupid, why wasn’t she being called out on her slander! The hyena’s, caring? Almost being more popular than the lions who brought peace?

“The oral history of my kind recounts how our villages were burned, our people massacred, and how we were thrown away and excluded from the new society. Forced to live off of meagre bugs and fish from a few small pools.” There was a long pause. “Three quarters of my species STARVED TO DEATH at the paws of Mufasa Pride! The proof of it is in these genetic tests.” She handed out some nonsense bits of paper, as if that was meant to prove anything. “They show that we were decimated. Whatever your views of King Scar, our kind, our noble leader Shenzi, supported him as he offered to right the terrible wrong done to us. A wrong that was airbrushed into history. Instead we were just the barbarians in the elephant graveyard, not wanting to be part of the system, even though evidence from two dozen species shows that we were there from the beginning! That in a great time of need we, the so called evil, cackling, brutish barbarians, supported and cared our fellow mammals. And in response Mufasa Pride massacred us, and then rewrote history. Airbrushing his great crime out of it, and setting up my kind as evil. In the end, Shenzi’s daughter, Jasiri, prostrated herself and paid penance for our ‘sins’ to Mufasa’s grandchild, King Kion. But the evil story, written from the victors with us as the evil, has carried on ever since, telling everyone since the day we were born that we were the bad guys. But we have always known the truth and it is there and proven, and I wear the name of Queen Shenzi with pride!”

“Booooo!!!” Mufasa shouted. Who the hell did she think she was? But he was broken off, shocked, as others clapped hard. They were turning to each other, talking and whispering, and the lion turned to his friend. “How dare she say that!”

“Hey, it’s the most interesting thing I’ve heard today,” she said.

“Yeah, because it’s lies.”

“I…”

“Come on, Mufasa the Great, evil?”

He nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. Wrong, but interesting.”

Mufasa looked on as the teacher applauded, having the gall to call it thought provoking and praising her for her sources! Was she in it too? Questions were opened, and he raised his paw, ramrod straight. The lying hyena looked straight into her eyes and then narrowed them, before picking the mammal behind him. He had to bite his lip. The coward! Just like the real Shenzi, unable to stand up against a lion with right on his side.

The goat behind him asked about the famed famine and destruction during Scar’s rein, and she pointed to a study saying that Mt Kilimanjaro had ‘catastrophic’ eruptions during that time. She waved off the great famine as ‘a terrible coincidence’ and left it at that.

More questions about proof, with stuff about great graveyards that were found in the alkali flats bordering the pride lands, along with stuff about their traditions. Mufasa scowled more and more, she was making it up as she went along! That or the hyenas did, trying to hide their old evil ways. Stuff about songs, poems, tales. Even a song about ‘the gift of pink among salt’, or how they’d resorted to hunting flamingos on the caustic lakes. Seriously, trying to make yourself sound good by saying you killed and ate flamingos. Had he been given a chance, he could have torn into her. But the coward didn’t pick him. Eventually, she was left to sit down, shockingly complimented by the teacher!

He fumed, and it came to a head afterwards. “You!”

“Oh,” she snarled, turning to face him. Mammals stepped back, sensing that something was coming on. “You.”

“Yes, me.”

“I could figure that you couldn’t handle the truth, Mufasa.”

“No! You can’t handle the truth! Look at the history, you’re just trying to undermine a hero! THE hero! You owe him! You owe the mammal your kind murdered…”

“-HE MURDERED US! HE WAS A GENNOCIDAL TYRANT!”

“YOU PIECE OF FILTH HYENA!”

“OH YEAH, JUST LIKE HIM!”

“YOUR KIND ARE SCUM!”

Dammit, he growled, before roaring. Out came his claws and he swiped, the lying hyena ducking down and twisting away. He charged forward, her arm caught his and the began brawling, battling, claw on claw and snarl against snarl. Mammals all around them were throwing them in as their brawl continued. They kept hurling insults and trading blows, until the teachers came in and tore them apart.

.

.

Despite getting suspended that day, Mufasa Delgato grew tall and joined the police. Pride, respect, equality, peace and law. That was what Mufasa Pride had stood for. What he would stand for, today, as part of the ZPD. He stood tall in Mufasa Plaza, standing under his great statue, as he walked out on his first patrol. Patrolling around, looking over the parapets, out at the great city built on his principals as it spread out beneath them. He glanced back at the great lion; he’d do him proud. He took a quick selfie, both him and it in view, and sent it on to his mate. She sent one back, smiling, paw over her growing belly.

.

.

“See him there little Simba?”

The tiny lion cub gargled and looked up in wide eyes.

“He’s a great King, called Mufasa. You’re named after his son, who avenged him. His evil Uncle and some evil hyenas killed him, but he got them in the end.”

.

.

“Stand clear! I said STAND CLEAR!”

Officer Delgato pushed the protesters away as they charged forward. Dammit, didn’t they see that fire engine? Didn’t they see the burning building!? Paws out, he pushed hard as the red truck moved past, the crew jumping out and starting to affix the hoses. Thankfully the mammals were backing off. Sighing, Delgato turned, only to freeze. It was her, that hyena Shenzi. He recognised the face immediately, along with the fact that she was on this side! “You!” he shouted. Just like her namesake! He ran in and grabbed her, thrusting against the engine hard as she screamed. Here he was, protecting the innocent from her, just like the old Mufasa had done in the past. She fought back, he grabbed his pepper spray, only to be bowled over onto the floor. He hit the ground hard, his world going dizzy, and as he refocussed he saw McHorn holding him down. “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!”

“STOPPING YOU FROM ATTACKING A FIREMAMMAL!”

“I wasn’t! That Hyena was…”

“Is a firemammal you idiot!”

He glanced over and saw her, suited up, in the arms of the other firemammals. “Dammit, I missed the suit.”

“Missed the… Just shut up and get up. And leave her alone!”

“Her name is Shenzi,” he retorted, paws up. “And she likes to act like her namesake.”

“Just shut up and go over there!”

The rhino shoved him, the lion snarling. Seriously, it was an honest mistake, one that hyena had certainly invited on herself.

.

.

This time he was suspended. A two week suspension. He complained and moaned to his wife and his little cub, who was happy to support him. “She is a bad mammal… Just like the old Shenzi…”

“Yup,” he said. “And I’m Mufasa. Now, Mufasa had to suffer to support what was right. And so must I.”

Still, it wasn’t all bad. While without pay, it meant he had Mufasa day off. They sat down and watched the old rerun of the film together, taking solace in the depiction of the real Mufasa and Shenzi, as it always was. But then came a new show. ‘The Real Mufasa’. He felt his anger grow as so called scientists began repeating all of her old talking points. Nonsense about the anthrax plagues, made up reports and histories about how he’d banished the hyenas. They said that it was probably an honest mistake, they didn’t understand disease and he had no way of knowing that hyenas were immune to anthrax, misinterpreting it as proof of poisoning. Okay then… if they really had to push it, fair enough. It wasn’t his fault like it wasn’t his own that he’d made the error with the modern Shenzi.

-But then another began spreading the idea that their banishment was a power play by King Mufasa, who hated the hyenas. Of course he did. They were wicked at the time! Murderers, not ready for civilization yet. He was so mad that, afterwards, he called up and left a complaint. He was named after the greatest hero in mammal history, end of.

.

.

Not long after, it was his son’s school’s turn to put on a Mufasa day performance. His son was Simba! He sat down, giddy, and watched as it went on. Simba being revealed, Scar tricking him into going out, then the hyenas. He was stomping his feet, along with a fair few others. Still, seemed like it was a tough crowd. Never you mind, here came the best part, where the…

“-Who steps into our kingdom?”

That wasn’t Shenzi and her gang!

“I am Queen Shenzi Kalani, who your father banished for a false accusation. These are the meagre lands we are left to survive on, and you come to take even that.”

“I…”

And so it came on, weakly. They were presenting the hyenas as tragic victims!? Of course, Scar was still his evil self, but naturally they’d keep the evil lion and ‘sanitise’ the hyenas. It was nonsense, they were changing the greatest story there was. A perfect story! They didn’t threaten Simba, they took him prisoner until Mufasa came and got their ‘hostage’ back. She called them trespassers, claimed that they were innocent. And then when back in the Pridelands he confessed he didn’t know! Of course he knew what they were. He said he’d review it, while Scar used the promise of food for her new baby and justice to lure the hyenas to his side. Oh, the rest of it went on like normal, except for the fact that the famine was gone. They just showed Scar as a nasty leader by himself, never mind his allies who ate the land clean. And then it was over, and it was said that years later, King Kion apologised for the way they’d treated the hyenas to Queen Jasiri and forgave her kind… No! Lions had never forgiven hyenas for what they did, and he told his son as much as they marched out later.

Who did these teachers and mammals think they were, changing history just because one species was the bad guy in it. Huh, just because they couldn’t take the truth. The world was going mad. After all, he’d just heard that a bunny was getting into the ZPD.

.

.

“Our first Fox…”

Eh, no issue there. The bunny had proved herself, the fox would too. After all, that stuff about them being dishonest and untrustworthy was nonsense. Stupid too. Especially as those same mammals seemed to have nothing against hyenas.

He was in a bad mood lately. That hyena, Shenzi Sakari, was standing to be the new mayor! It wasn’t going to succeed, thankfully, but the gall of standing in Mufasa the Great’s spiritual achievements, all while slandering him… Uhhhh, it made him growl!

What was worse was that it was catching on. There were mammals going around honestly talking about renaming Mufasa Day Constitution Day. NO! You did not get to change something so sacred due to a bunch of sore losers! Others started vandalising his statue. There was even a protest outside a new building named after him. She stood there tall, proud, angry, trying to besmirch the name of a defeater of the tyrant that she was named after. And all those stupid scientists now, going over to her side and saying, ‘oh, she has a point.’ ‘Oh, it’s a controversial subject.’ ‘Oh, he certainly did do some bad.’ She herself claimed that while he certainly did a lot of good, she’d never forget or forgive what he did to her species, and that all mammals should know ‘the truth’.

The wicked liar.

She was trying to take the joy and magic out of life.

It made him angry.

Didn’t anyone remember the stories?

He and the other lions certainly did, and they met up. It was a small club at first, but it began growing fast. The MDS, or ‘Mufasa Defence Society’. Their king had given his life in the pursuit of freedom, and they would defend his legacy and honour in kind. He, his son and his wife were soon marching, protesting, campaigning. Making sure mammals remembered who the real Shenzi was, what the real history was, and even making sure those hyenas knew that their latest evil plot to destroy it would be opposed. Long picnics and recitals of the songs of his honour in Hyenahurst, letter writing campaigns to newspapers, funding for new statues.

Naturally Shenzi lost the election, of course she would. Most mammals still loved King Mufasa, they knew the truth, they didn’t want to bow to her revisionist history and political correctness.

Or so he thought…

.

.

“Major new texts have been translated, not only revealing records of the Circle of Life constitution, but containing the actual words of King Mufasa the Great himself. Shockingly, they contain numerous references to his ‘disgust’ at Hyena’s, with early poems talking about his wish to punish them and establish lion dominance, and how he could deliberately use the anthrax outbreak to rally his nation against them.”

Delgato snarled. Lies.

“Another ancient hyena tomb has been exposed. Once more, records show horrific traces of both wounds and starvation…”

Fake news!

“ZBC has announced that it will not be showing any old productions of The Lion King anymore… Talks are in place to remove Mufasa’s name from street signs and a petition has been launched to take down his statue.”

VANDALS! Mufasa was mad, he was busy rallying up the MDS! The hyenas could not be allowed to win again! The last time under Scar, they’d brought in a dark age, tearing up the land after bullying and manipulating that lion into letting them. They were going to do it again. The stinking mammals were everywhere, in groups and holding banners, gathered in a crowd around his statue which they dared to defile!

And then, to top it off, they renamed his old school to King Kion school

IT WASN’T EVEN THE SAME MUFASA!

.

.

…

“A hyena pup, Banzai Ituli, has been found dead in what appears to be a racially motivated attack. Graffiti scrawled by him read ‘Long live King Mufasa. Keep the hyenas out!’

Honestly, they’d brought it on themselves. Kicking and kicking the hornets nest, destroying the heart and soul of the city, defiling the greatest mammal in all of history. Surely they expected some blowback?

They needed to be put in their place, and so he smiled as got into the riot van. They were going up the Mufasa plaza, to keep an eye on the massive crowd there. Good, he could clear them away from the good king before they could hurt him anymore. Get the out, stop this nonsense, and he really would be like Mufasa. Keeping the peace, dealing with those barbarians, he…

“Woah, they’ve toppled the statue…”

“WHAT!?” he asked, turning forward. Officer Wilde looked back.

“Don’t take it personally Mufasa, but they’ve pulled down Mufasa.”

They ground to a halt, orders being shouted but he didn’t listen. Out into the air and he saw the plinth, his home, his pride rock EMPTY! And there, a crowd of this filthy mammals, giving out their wicked cackles, dragging it along towards the…

“NO!” he yelled, running forward. It was too late.

There we was. Mufasa the Great, the wise, the good, the protector of the innocent and just. Torn down from his plinth, bits of his mane and tail broken in or off, graffiti and slander scrawled over him by those ungrateful traitors… how did Kion ever think they could be let in again, the betrayer… They were screaming as they pulled it towards the cliff edge. “LONG LIVE THE KING! LONG LIVE THE KING! LONG LIVE THE KING!”

He was hauled over, his kind benevolent face met his for a second; Mufasa to Mufasa, eye to eye, and he tumbled down, the bronze splitting in two and breaking upon a rock as the hyenas cheered. Laughing, whooping, cackling. That horrible, horrible, horrible whooping laugh of theirs. Mufasa trembled, they would pay!

And then he saw her, right at the front. Of course, none other than that disgusting, evil, conniving monster Shenzi, paw up in a fist but her expression fading as she stared into the eyes of righteous justice.

The original Shenzi got away. This one would receive justice. Holding his truncheon out large, Mufasa Delgato roared and charged. “LONG LIVE THE KING!”


	25. Mouseusian

_._

_._

_“Hey, let me stroke under…”_

_You slap the paw away, forcing it out from beneath the hard band of plastic. You can’t stand it, you can’t stand that it, they, treat you like this! Even those on ‘your side’, who say it’s unfair and stand by you, comfort you, even with something as simple as a gentle paw stroke under your collar._

_You hate how it makes you seem like a freak, an outcast, a thing to be observed and talked about as if you’re not there, not belonging in modern society. You never asked for this or wanted this, you were a good mammal on their side once but that counts for nothing anymore! Because, even as you feel the heavy shock unit pull back down and the electrodes pinch back in, you hate how everyone else sees this as a win, a good thing, even more. And you hate how your love was never on that side, never the one that needed convincing, but acts like their actions can simply undo and fix everything. You hate the overcompensation, you hate how demeaned you feel every single day, you hate how you’re marked as an other and you hate, hate, hate how everyone you once helped to serve and protect has turned against you._

.

.

“Listen,” Nick spoke, paws up. “We need you to calm down. Nobody wants to go home hungry tonight, and fighting isn’t going to help anyone.”

Judy nodded, surveying the scene in front of her. She’d never experienced food shortages before, and it was something that she never wanted to experience again. In front of her were hordes of angry mammals, prey and grazers, mostly smaller ones but a few larger ones too. A pair of elephants dominated the room, their ration cards held out and their tensions burning after a whole day of queuing. She thanked her lucky stars that her family could still send her food packages from their bountiful fields.

“I don’t care!” a sheep shouted. “You have it easy, you preds still have the fish markets. You don’t know what it’s like.”

Nick bit his tongue. Though his habits led to jokes that he was vegetarian, the truth was he’d grown up poor, and his mother’s job at a school cafeteria meant there were plenty of leftovers, most of them for a ninety percent prey clientele. His omnivority had been pushed to it fullest, and years after it still felt awkward eating a meal with more than one third meat or fish. Needs must as the devil drove though. With plants and grains running low, and even the leftovers sent to bug farms now sold as mixed forage, all fishing restrictions had been lifted, and he’d had to adapt to a fully marine diet. Still, he was smart enough to know that complaining about that to a room full of mammals with empty stomachs was a bad move. “No, I don’t,” he spoke. “We’ll just have to split it all further so that we all get some.”

They all looked at him furiously.

.

.

_You’re sorry. You lashed out. You hold on tighter and the emotions begin to come out, and before you know it a horrid beep emerges. You try and stop yourself, clear your wrong-think, but it’s too late. The electric shock doesn’t last long, it isn’t designed to have you writhing on the floor. It’s over in a screaming, pain saturated moment, and you hear a scream as your claws dig in hard to the one trying to comfort you. You kick off, running away, hating yourself even more as you lock yourself in the bathroom. You just want to remain strong, but it’s too much. You’re down, leaning on the toilet lid and whacking your head against the cistern over and over. It’s just… it’s just… it’s just not fair!_

_And you hate the one biggest fact out there more than any other._

_The fact that so many think it is fair._

_More than that._

_It’s your just desserts, so long overdue._

.

.

“I’m sick of it!” a marmot yelled. “I haven’t eaten in two days! Neither have my pups. We don’t have a garden! We even filled our rooms with lettuce plants, but they’ve run out too! We’re starving, I’ve been told a store is out after hours of queuing for the last week! We deserve our full portion!”

He held up his book and a flock of shouts and calls were yelled out. Nick looked around, not sure how to react and just hoping that the anger would fizzle out. Judy knew it wouldn’t. Everyone had been given growing pots, soil and lettuce seeds, it had held out over summer but now, in early February, the new growth hadn’t yet started and the reserves were almost gone. The only temporary reprieve they’d be getting would be when the new shoots began to emerge.

“Listen,” the clerk said, trying to take control. He looked up at the elephant family apologetically. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” one of them gasped. “Oh no, not this.”

“Listen, your portion is enough to feed everyone else.”

“Don’t you dare!” she yelled, marching forward. Nick and Judy had their paws on their tranq’s, arms out as they called at her to calm down. “No!” she yelled, tears in her eyes. “Everyone keeps turning us away, ‘we eat too much’, ‘we eat too much’. Well, we pay the most for food, don’t we! We have rights too!”

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few,” the marmot spoke. “There’s a hundred of us, two of you, I’m sorry.”

She snapped around. “Oh no you’re not!”

“I am! I just want my pups fed!”

“And I don’t!?”

“Do you have any?”

“No! But that doesn’t mean I should starve, does it?”

“We don’t want to starve either,” a squirrel said.

“Oh shut up,” someone else shouted. “You have acorns…”

“They’re gone, ages ago,” she cried out. “Everyone’s eating everything!”

“Maybe you should have just hibernated and left more for everyone else.”

“I can’t! We couldn’t get our stores together,” she screamed. “And I hate it, I feel terrible, I…”

“Oh boo-hoo.”

“Shut up!”

“No, you shut up. Now get lost with the elephants so we can be fed!”

“You sizeist little jerk!”

“You want a fight, huh, I’ll give you a…”

“EVERYONE! SHUT UP!”

They all turned, spotting Judy on the counter, tears in her eyes. “Please. We’re Zootopians. All mammals, together. Yes, I know it’s rough, I know it’s horrible, but if we start tearing ourselves apart over this, that’s it. That’s the end. Yes, we’re all going to suffer. But we’ll suffer together. And we’ll get through this, together.”

There was a long pause, a tiny smile growing on her face; she’d done it. They were going to get through this.

A goat marched out. “You can hardly take the high ground.”

She blinked, “huh…”

“Don’t huh me! You’re the reason we’re in this mess.”

Judy scowled. “No I’m not, it’s…”

“It’s all you bunnies breeding and breeding,” someone shouted. “There’s no food left for the rest of us.”

“Hey, my family grows tons of food.”

“Yeah, for their millions of kits,” someone yelled.

“Stupid breeders.”

“Food hoarders!”

“Leave some for the rest of us, you sex addicts.”

That did it for a certain fox. “Hey, leave her alone!” he shouted, marching in to defend Judy. He was met with a wave of angry calls, but he stood tall throughout. “This is nobodies’ fault, bad stuff happens, that’s life…”

“We don’t have crazy families, that’s life!”

“Who even needs a thousand kids.”

“She doesn’t have any,” Nick spoke, hissing.

“Yeah,” she added, finding her resolve again. “And my parents only have three hundred and twenty.”

Her assurances though only angered the angry shoppers. “See! You don’t even think about it!” “Selfish!” “Food hoarders!”

They surged forward, no longer after the food anymore. Judy felt her stomach drop through the floor as she realised they were after her, their hunger now a thirst for revenge. She retreated, firing off some darts with Nick as they fled. Not before a chunk of shelf was thrown their way. Nick shielded her, taking the hit direct to the muzzle, because of course he would, the dumb fox.

.

.

_You softly stroke along his long, sleek muzzle, pausing as you hear the warning beep come on. You hate it, you push away, you bury your face in the pillow. “Judy,” he says. You don’t answer. It didn’t pick up at first, maybe because everyone was too busy scrounging and surviving. But, as the crops began growing and summer came around, prey mammals, in between eating every last scrap and picking the new grass and leaves from the parks, began thinking the same way. That winter had been close, it was only going to get worse, even for the preds when the current overfishing caught up. Something had to be done._

.

.

“I mean the thing is we didn’t have a bad harvest that year.” They watched an investigative report. “A little lower than normal, but nothing serious. Indeed, come next year, now that restrictions on chemical use, environmental protections and the banning of organic production have come into play, it could be a bumper year. That’s not including the massive expansion of home growing. Inefficient, yes, but better than nothing. The reason for the famine was not supply, it was demand. He switched to another chart, Nick choking on his drink. It seemed practically vertical. Last year, the country saw a growth rate of fifty percent. Over 150 million new mammals. This entire growth was confined to just one species.”

“No,” Judy scowled, scanning for the remote.

“One who controls much of the agricultural sector. Indeed, while total harvests were solid, the amount being sold to private retailers was reduced by eighty percent, as bunnies kept their own food or redistributed it to their own species.”

“No!” She yelled again, Nick having to grab her as she leapt to the screen. “You speciesist…” She trailed on with a string of bunny profanities that would have her mother trying to work out how to stick her mouth in the dishwasher. 

“This is nothing new,” he spoke, shaking his head. “Thomas Mouseus warned that exactly this situation would come in the 16th Century! Once the mixxie vaccine was completed, it was inevitable, and though unpalatable we as a society are facing a reckoning. Bunnies, or the rest of us. Oppression for one or starvation for all.”

She finally found the remote and slammed the off button at the TV. It turned off and she fumed, she complained, and Nick listened. She called her parents, who were mad too. How dare they tell them what to do with their farm. How dare they!

Besides, all mammals would see through this, wouldn’t they?

.

.

_You hate how they didn’t. You remember the stares at first, then the slurs, then finding that your care packages were being stolen. No, ‘redistributed’. One day you walked out to see the whole floor picking through it, taking your carrots for themselves. You demanded them back, saying you were a cop, expecting some laughter and ridicule._

_Instead you got hate._

_A week later, a state of emergency was declared. ‘Bunny breeding has to stop!’ A law was put out, one that made you and your family mad. All new bunny pregnancies were illegal, they’d be aborted, families who tried to bypass that would be thrown into prison. It was wrong, it was sick, you stood up in front of the bullpen and said what should have been obvious. Your brothers in blue would defend you, wouldn’t they?_

_It broke your heart as they said sorry… ‘Sorry’, it had to be done. ‘Sorry’, one species couldn’t just take all the food. ‘Sorry’, bunnies should stop being such crazy breeders…_

_You were broken, you almost quit then but the Chief gave you a week off. By the time you were back, you were hearing about raids and check-ups, seeing pictures of crying bunnies being forced into the clinics. You threw your badge down in disgust. Nick did too, saying you weren’t going to be alone through this._

_That was the first time you were truly mad at him. He should be doing it because it was wrong, it was clear that it was wrong! Didn’t he see how wrong it was? He said he saw, but he couldn’t think of another way. And that hurt you as, that night, fuming and angry, you couldn’t._

.

.

“While heavily depressed, the population is still going up too fast. Bunnies are still breeding in secret…”

“Having families in secret,” she spat. “As you want to kill them.”

“And will not consent to reduction procedures and fixing.”

She hated those terms too. It was thinning out the litters while zygotes still in utero to only two kits, then tearing the parents sex organs so that was that. She may be unique, a career driven bunny, but… But she got those instincts, mixed in with those that cared, and loved. It was what made her a mammal!

“Even with the farms nationalised, their occupants stopped from ration dodging, a truly deadly famine could hit within the next decade…” Yeah, they took over her parents farm too. They were keeping their food in protest of the evil treatment. They stole the farm in return, forcing them to work their own land, while for the ‘survival of all other species’, a minority now, bunnies had been stripped of the vote to stop any chance of reversing it. She was officially a second class citizen.

“Consequently, it has been decided that a terrible thing must be done.” Judy froze, her nose twitching. “For the survival of all mammal kind, bunnies' uncontrolled sexual instincts must be tamed. As a result, by the end of the year, all un-fixed bunnies over the age of twelve will be fitted with a Taming Collar.”

.

.

_It’s late, and you look at the heavy thing, tied around your neck and glowing green. It’s meant to control your lust and libido, but in your kind, that’s so mixed up with caring and love… It all triggers it. And outside, they all see it on you, your badge of shame, and they knock you around or dismiss you. It’s for society's own good, it’s for your own good, now go back to your place… And getting fixed and going without… Back at the precinct, half the workload is now collar enforcement, half of that bare-necks being falsely accused. A good few are ‘rightfully’ accused, forging documents or dodging the rollout, and they’re now filling up the prisons. Ten of your family are now behind bars for a decade or more, with two young orphan litters in your parent’s care, though you can see the light has gone out of their eyes._

_You hate the collars, you hate the world, you hate Zootopia, you hate the mammals who labelled your species the problem, and deserving of this, and… and… You break down crying, Nick’s hugs doing nothing._

_You hate your species, you hate yourself, and you hate the scenes in the livestream. They’re looking at the Bunnyburrow sign, waiting for something they had to check it could even do. The counter slows down to a stop and then, painfully slowly, ticks back one, to a roar of applause. You hate the fireworks going off at the news that the birth rate is under control. Strict rationing will be a part of life for decades to come, the collars far longer, but the food shortage is over._

_Things for everyone else are going to be alright._

.

.

.

**A plot bunny I had and wrote in one day. Kudos to Berserker88 for suggesting the scene with the BB sign. Sorry for all the darkness as of late. I’ll post a few more (lighter) patreon stories up next.**


	26. Patreon story 13: Dark Fox and Wonderbun

**Dark Fox and Wonderbun (for Cimar)**

.

"Chief Bogo! Chief Bogo!"

"Yes, Clawhauser?" the great buffalo asked, standing up as the portly cheetah ran into his office, a strange sound coming from behind.

"Something…" he huffed, paws down on his knees. "Something… Something's happened to our officers!"

"What do you mean, something's happened?" he asked, pausing as his ears turned to hear the sound.

"Y-you'll have to see it for yourself, sir."

Leaping over his desk, the police chief raced outside, leaning over the railing and gasping as he saw his best officers… On the floor… Laughing their tails off. "Stop it! Stop it! That is an order!"

"They can't stop it," Clawhauser cried, as Bogo began to growl.

"This isn't just an ordinary crime or accident," he said, a hoof slamming down onto the railing, cracking it. "This is something much worse. Clawhauser, we're dealing with supervillains here! Which means, we have to call in…" He raced back in, the portly cheetah running after him.

"Oh goody… Oh goody…"

Bogo slid to a stop, unhooking the top of a bust in the office to reveal a button. "-We have to call in Dark Fox and Wonderbun." His finger down on the button, it began.

.

.

_Nana nana nana nana Dark Fox!_

A red fox, seeing a pawpsicle in his glass fronted frozen-treats freezer light up, raced out, opening a bookcase and sliding down the revealed pole.

_Dark Fox…_

He slid out into a cave hideout, dressed in black flowing clothes and cape. On he raced, jumping into his car as it turned around on a turntable. Key in the ignition, it lit up with the sound of a jet engine and took off, breaking out into the open air in a cloud of kicked up dust.

_-Wonderbun…_

Meanwhile, a bunny doe busy helping out on her family's farm stand heard the little bunny-sign's ears ring together, jumping up and racing off within a second. She leapt into an old truck, the whole thing shaking as it rattled off.

_-Wonderbun…_

Out of sight, it began transforming, the front pair of wheels merging into one and the rear following suit. The vehicle transformed into a sleek, high speed bike, with the bunny revealed to be in a fantabulous costume.

_-Wonderbun…_

She raced into the city, cutting corners, riding the curve, weaving through traffic and brushing the edges of cars and busses before sliding out in front of precinct one as Dark fox in the Darkfoxmobile slid to a stop as well. Out they leapt, racing in, before seeing the devastation for themselves.

"Dark fox! Wonderbun!" The chief said, relieved as they raced over. "Thank goodness you're okay."

"Of course we are," Judy said, smiling and giving a proud salute. "Always okay to fight crime."

Dark Fox nodded. "This is a terrible crime against laughter, and if we don't solve it soon, clean underwear! Any thoughts or ideas?"

Bogo shook his head. "Clawhauser?"

The cheetah sighed. "No sir. None at all."

The two looked around, observing the writhing mammals on the floor. "This looks like Tickleroo's work," Dark Fox observed, crossing his arms in front of him. "One of his new ticklebots, not doubt."

"Only we put him away last week. Could he be out?"

"Clawhauser, call the prison," he said.

"On it," he replied, going to the desk.

"Look, there's one of them there," Wonderbun said, seeing one of the little robot's scurry over the poor innocent cop.

"Waterproof model too," Dark Fox said bitterly. A dunking wouldn't solve it.

"-I've got news," Clawhauser spoke. "Tickleroo is still behind bars." He gestured up to the telecall screen, Warden Swinton putting her paws up and shrugging. She changed to a picture of the evil kangaroo's cell, only for the screen to start to diffuse.

"Interference," Dark Fox observed. "Someone's trying to…" He broke off as the screen changed, showing a hyena with a white painted face, red lipstick and green fuzzy hair. Sitting on a throne in a flashy purple and green suit and blazer, he laughed for all to hear.

Wonderbun and Darkfox looked at each other in shock, before facing forward to see their new foe. "JOKER!?"

"Hahahahaha… heehehehehe… It's me!" he laughed, smiling as he got up.

"What's the meaning of this?" Wonderbun demanded.

"Yeah," Dark fox added. "Let me guess. You wanted laughter and you finally worked out how 'good' your jokes were?"

Joker scowled. "Oh, you joke, but I've got bigger plans. Simply wire me one million dollars, and your officers get let go."

"Never!" Bogo and the other three shouted.

"Isn't that right men?" the Chief asked, looking back to his tickled troops. They laughed back. "That's right!"

Joker scowled. "Very well then," he said. "I'll give you one hour to decide."

The screen faded, the remaining mammals looking at each other in shock. "One hour!" Clawhauser groaned. "But that just leaves us one last hour until the big game?"

"Big game?" Wonderbun asked.

Chief Bogo nodded. "Precinct one of the ZPD vs Nine of the ZFD. The great battle of the forces!"

The pair looked at each other nervously. "We have to do something," the bunny said, as the fox leant in closer. With a pair of pliers, he pulled out one of the tickle bots and examined it. "I wonder." He raced over to the nearest desk and began inspecting it, dissecting it, making changes before putting it back together.

"Dark Fox? What are you doing?" Bogo demanded, as Nick dropped it onto one of the suffering mammals. In an instant, his laughter stopped, and he collapsed to the floor in exhaustion.

"I reversed the polarity. Now it detects the main tickle and creates an interference tickle, the pair cancelling each other out. It fixes it."

"For now," Wonderbun said. Dark Fox nodded, before going off to work on the others, all while she began drumming her foot. "Hmmm, do mammals bet on the game?"

"Loads," Bogo said.

"Maybe Joker has a bet on the ZFD," she pondered. "And was cancelling you out. If that's the case, he'd be at the game for sure."

Dark Fox, walking past, nodded. "It still doesn't explain how he got Tickleroo's tickle bots, but it's the best lead we have. So that's where we'll be."

. . . . .

Two hours later, and the pair were at the edge of the big game. Music was sounding out, the two teams facing off, Dark Fox checked his cancellation ticklers were still running and… THE GAME WAS OFF!

Both sides raced forward, yet oddly the ZPD side were running in place. Both pairs watched in shock as the ZFD scooted past them and easily scored a touch down. "Hang on," Wonderbun said, jumping onto the pitch and immediately being carried in the same direction. Dark Fox grabbed her and pulled her back.

"Someone has sabotaged the pitch in the ZFD's favour."

"How dare they!"

"I know, look…" He pointed over to the ZFD, now doing a conversion. The ball sailed up, suddenly getting a boost in the air that took it over the bar.

"Is someone on the ZFD cheating?" she asked.

Dark Fox frowned. "Oh no, but someone is. Look!"

He pointed to a strange set of wires which they ran over to, following them to a nearby hatch and climbing down it. They dropped down into a massive area, turning to face a bunch of goons running about, all led by one mammal in particular.

"THE CHEATER!"

The grinning big cat smiled. "Oh look at you two, here you are to foil our plans."

"Our?" Wonderbun asked.

She was broken off by a bout of laughter as The Joker walked out.

"You two!" Dark Fox growled.

"Well," he said. "I can say the same thing. HA-HA-HA-HA!"

Wonderbun frowned, her nose twitching and fists going to her hips. "I should have known, Cheater. Doing your own villainous plans were never enough, you copied your other villains' evil gadgets."

Cheater nodded. "Yeah!"

"Have you no shame?" she asked.

"No. Goons, get them!"

And, with those words, the goons raced forward.

Getting into fighting stances, Wonderbun and Dark Fox leapt out to meet them.

POW!

Dark Fox gave an uppercut to a pig's jaw, sending him flying backwards. Wonderbun leapt off of him, WOOOOOSH….. bringing her fists to an elephant and giving him a flurry of paw beats.

BUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDU….

He shook before collapsing down, Wonderbun kicking off of him and sailing over Dark Fox just as he used a super sticky pawpsicle to glue together the tails of half a dozen wolves. He stepped back, saluting to Wonderbun as she grabbed a pole, spinning around and slamming into one of their chests.

ZAP

They stumbled back, collapsing into a heap just as a pair of sheep ran over them and into Dark Fox's fist.

BIFF!

BLAM!

The final goon, an angry tiger ran over, Dark Fox and Wonderbun pairing up to take him down. They grabbed a large metal pipe and swung it down on his head.

BONG…..

He stumbled and fell, the pair dropping their weapon and putting their paws on their hips. "Well," Dark Fox said. "That certainly had a ring to it."

Wonderbun nodded, before looking up. "Give yourselves up, you two!"

The pair glanced at each other and nodded, before Cheater pressed a button. A net dropped down, tangling up Dark Fox and Wonderbun before they had a chance to react.

.

.

…

"You cheated! We won that fair and square," Wonderbun complained.

"It's what I do," Cheater replied, as Joker laughed and cackled.

"It's no use," Dark Fox said. "They've got us trapped now; in whatever evil plan they have for us. Incidentally, I'm having an odd sense of deja-vu."

The two were stuck in a glass chamber, bolted to the wall and with all sorts of little mechanical arms attached and poking out, ready and waiting. Joker smiled. "This, you two disgraceful distractions, is our laughter-matic. You two will be driven insane via manic laughter, in a devious revenge plot devised by the both of us."

"The whole laughter thing sounds like only you put the effort in," Wonderbun complained.

"Yeah. Cheater copied me," he said, breaking into laughter.

"Have you no shame?" she asked, looking at his partner.

"No," he said, smiling. "Especially as my contribution is also copied from Tickleroo's evil plot from last week."

Darkfox's eyes widened. "Incidentally, I'm having an odd sense of deja-vu."

"And," Joker said, "with my extra strength laughing gas, after five minutes exposure it doesn't matter what you do. You'll be laughing for the rest of your life!"

"You'll pay for this!" Dark Fox warned.

"Good always defeats evil."

Joker laughed, beginning to turn a valve. "There's a joke if I've ever heard one!" He burst into laughter, as did Cheater, as he pressed the on button. Hundreds of little tickling hands, feather dusters, pin wheels and all sorts began their work, the two heroes suddenly writhing with fits of laughter.

"Come now," Cheater said to his partner in crime. "Let's watch the game. I've got a big bet riding on it."

"So do I!" Joker laughed, as the pair of villains left the struggling heroes alone.

.

CAN THIS REALLY BE HAPPENING?

DARK FOX FINALLY LAUGHING AT THE JOKER AND WONDERBUN FINDING CHEATING HUMOROUS?

WHAT ON EARTH CAN OUR DYNAMIC DUO DO TO GET OUT OF THIS TICKLY SITUATION?

THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER!

STAY IN YOUR SEATS AND NO LOOKING AT OTHER'S WORK UNTIL TOMORROW.

SAME FOX TIME, SAME BUN CHANNEL.


	27. Dark Fox and Wonderbun (part 2)

**Part 2**

.

.

"You cheated! We won that fair and square," Wonderbun complained.

"It's what I do," Cheater replied, as Joker laughed and cackled.

"It's no use," Dark Fox said. "They've got us trapped now; in whatever evil plan they have for us. Incidentally, I'm having an odd sense of deja-vu."

The two were stuck in glass chambers, bolted to the wall and with all sorts of little mechanical arms attached and poking out, ready and waiting. Joker smiled. "This, you two disgraceful distractions, is our laughter-matic. You two will be driven insane via manic laughter, in a devious revenge plot devised by the both of us."

"The whole laughter thing sounds like only you put the effort in," Wonderbun complained.

"Yeah. Cheater copied me," he said, breaking into laughter.

"Have you no shame?" she asked, looking at his partner.

"No," he said, smiling. "Especially as my contribution is also copied from Tickleroo's evil plot from last week."

Darkfox's eyes widened. "Incidentally, I'm having an odd sense of deja-vu."

"And," Joker said, "with my extra strength laughing gas, after five minutes exposure it doesn't matter what you do. You'll be laughing for the rest of your life!"

"You'll pay for this!" Dark Fox warned.

"Good always defeats evil."

Joker laughed, beginning to turn a valve. "There's a joke if ever I've heard one!" He burst into laughter, as did Cheater as he pressed the on button. Hundreds of little tickling hands, feather dusters, pin wheels and all sorts began their work, the two heroes suddenly writhing with fits of laughter.

"Come now," Cheater said to his partner in crime. "Let's watch the game. I've got a big bet riding on it."

"So do I!" Joker laughed, as the pair of villains left the struggling heroes alone. Darkfox tried to hold it in, so did Wonderbun, but the devious tickling arms were soon doing their worst. High power brushes were rubbing the inside of their ears, strange head-scritcher type devices were slowly moving down from the top of their knees and out, before pulling back in, ever repeating. Probing rods were pushing into the underside of their knees and armpits, burrowing in and moving about. Pinwheels abound, working their bodies, while huge feather brushes began working their paws. Both tried to keep their mouths shut, holding their breath to stop Joker's evil laughing gas getting in, but they were defeated as sharp tickling hands attacked their sides beneath their ribs.

The two heroes began laughing, unable to stop, soon doomed to laugh forever due to the devious trap.

Only for the whole structure to start shaking. All the different tickling devices began knocking into each other, writhing, and then they seized up, stopping and collapsing down to the floor or kicking out. Some of them hit the glass, smashing through and letting the laughing gas float out, leaving WonderBun and Darkfox safe.

They still laughed, but soon recovered, straining as they slowly pulled themselves out of their restraints.

"I thought we were doomed for the laughers yard there," Wonderbun said. "But how did we get out?"

Darkfox smiled. "Well, it's simple. The density of tickling soon began to interfere with the tickling machines themselves. They began tickling each other, then tickled themselves so hard they failed."

"Wasn't that what saved us laugh week… I mean last week?" she asked, freeing one paw and quickly working on the others.

"From Tickleroo? Yes, yes it was," Darkfox said, smiling.

"But Cheetah took this machine from Tickleroo, so why didn't he fix it?" she wondered.

"Because he copied Tickleroo, probably looking over his shoulder, and…"

"-In doing so copied his mistakes! I told him that cheats never prosper!" Wonderbun said, finally breaking free and jumping down, looking forward. "Which is why teachers will always find out if you've been copying someone in a test."

There was a thud as Dark Fox jumped down beside her. "Who are you talking to, Fluff?"

"Any young, wide eyed and impressionable youngsters out there in need of guidance, advice, and help in making the world a better place," she smiled, winking.

"Right then," Darkfox noted, looking up. "Shouldn't we deal with Joker and Cheater?"

"Yes we should," she said, "but first, let's save this game."

.

Up in their box, Cheetah and Joker were looking down onto the game, laughing as the ZFD scored try after try on the ZPD. "It's just a shame that those boys in blue aren't rolling around laughing," the hyena said. "Curse Darkfox and Wonderbun for stopping that. But we're, or rather they, are the ones laughing now! HAHAHAHAHAAA!"

Cheater laughed alongside him, all while sneakily changing the final score he'd been betting on. "I must say, they say cheats never prosper, but this game seems totally balanced and with no exploits! In our favour, of course. The ZFD are… -how are you letting them through!?"

"What!?"

They looked on as the ZFD team struggle to stay in place, the ZPD team rushing past them to score. Then doing it again, and again, and again!

Joker looked on and growled. "Dammit, it's Dark Fox and Wonderbun! They've escaped, again, and reversed our machine! Grrrr, I know I say this every time, but next time I'm going to make sure I see them bite it." He paused, thinking. How could they have escaped? His part of the plan was perfect. His… "Cheater," he said, turning to his partner. "This is your fau… -STOP DOCTORING YOUR BETTING SLIP!"

Flashing his paw to his pocket, the big cat stood up and looked innocent. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, don't you start with me. We've got to stop them, now!"

.

"And pull it back now," Darkfox said, as he and Wonderbun pushed the lever back to the middle. "Though I still think it would be funner to keep it like this all through the game."

"Come on, Darkfox," Wonderbun chided. "You know that the ZFD are good, honest, hardworking mammals who had nothing to do with this scheme. They don't deserve to be cheated here, just as the ZPD don't."

"I know," he said, looking up. "And it seems that their scores are now level, so it's a fair game going on."

"Yup!"

"I still want team ZPD to win big time, to annoy those two."

"Yup!"

"THERE YOU ARE! HOW DID YOU ESCAPE!?"

"Yup… -waidamminute…"

Wonderbun and Darkfox turned, facing off against Cheater and Joker. "The game is level now," Wonderbun said. "You've lost!"

"We can still get you," the hyena shouted.

"Really?" Darkfox asked. "You think you can really trust the Cheater!"

"I can trust him to defeat you."

Wonderbun smiled. "Even though his straight copying of Tickleroo's flawed tickle machine is what let us go?"

The hyena blinked, turning to his companion in evil. "I KNEW IT WAS YOU'RE -AND STOP DOCTORING YOUR SLIP!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"GRRR, this is for letting me down," he said, bringing up the flower lapel on his suit, and sending forth a squirt of skunk spray.

"ARGHHH!" Cheater cried, Joker laughing… until Wonderbun flew into his head.

_SPOOF…_

He got up, only to be hit by an uppercut from Darkfox.

_THWOCK!_

Who then gave Cheater a roundhouse kick to keep him down.

_BIFF!_

Joker got up again, aiming his skunk spray flower at Darkfox, only for Wonderbun to jump up and bunny box his face.

_DUNUNUNUNUNUNUN…._

Causing him to misfire and hit Cheater again.

_SQUIRT!_

"AH, NOT AGAIN!"

The big cat jumped up and darted away, faster than the two heroes could hope to manage. He peeled them off of Joker though, who jumped up and ran back to the tickle machines, grabbing one of his laughter gas canisters. Cheater circled back to him, the pair rallying together for the final battle.

"We're going to win!" Joker boasted.

"By any means necessary," Cheater added. "In fact, if I remember correctly, I've got a card up my sleeve that will win us this!"

"Oh yeah, try us," she said.

"Well, I know a bog-standard ordinary cheetah who would always want to fight along with you. So, I invited him!"

Darkfox blinked. "Wait, you're ace up a sleeve is getting us a new fighter?"

"Ha, he's a burden who you'll have to defend, my cheat putting you on the back paw for our final fight."

Wonderbun marched out, crossing her paws. "Oh, don't you dare insult Benjamin Clawhauser in this. He's a proud crusader for justice, and…"

She was cut off as the portly cheetah came in, gasping for breath, before slumping down. He held a paw up. "Supercat… At the rescue… Finally…"

Wonderbun blinked. "Ben, you know you're not Supercat."

"Indeed," Darkfox mused, "You didn't get your underwear and pants on the wrong way around for a start."

"Ooops," he said, undoing his belt. "Let me just…"

"NO!"

"OH SWEET CHEESE AND CRACKERS!"

Even Joker and Cheater were a little shocked. "This is working too well!" the big cat complained, closing his eyes and stepping back. The hyena agreed.

"Retreat, this isn't a laughing matter!"

They both stepped back, eyes closed and paws out to defend themselves from the upcoming sight, the two stopping at a safe distance…

Just in reach of the tickling machine, which sprung to life, dragging them in and getting to work.

"WHAT! NOHAHAHAHAHAHA…"

"HELPPP MEEE…HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE…."

Ben thankfully paused his detrousering, looking around in shock. "Wait, we won?"

Wonderbun and Darkfox looked at him and nodded. "The tickle machine may have tickled itself to a stop earlier, but it's laughed itself out now and was ready to go again. Those two just stepped back into it, and…" He gestured over to the laughing pair of villains, writhing and giggling as they were worked over.

"But isn't that how you defeated Tickleroo last week?" Ben asked.

Wonderbun smiled, looking over at the villains, who despite their laughter would be all too aware of what she said. "It was. Of course, Cheater just copied him, mistakes and all."

Darkfox smiled. "Which is why Cheaters never prosper, and how we have the last laugh on The Joker."

.

* * *

.

Up in the officials' box, Darkfox and Wonderbun sat down with Chief Bogo of the ZPD. After taking Joker and Cheater into custody, they'd settled down to enjoy the rest of the game. The scores evened out, it was a close match, though by the end, the ZFD were just ahead.

"Are you sure you gave them an equal handicap?" Chief Bogo grumbled.

"Yup," Wonderbun said. "Though I'd love to see your team victorious, and those two completely fail, the ZFD are good mammals. Even if they are our bitter rivals in this friendly sport, they all deserve a fair game, and if they win fairly at the end of the day, then good on them."

"Well," Bogo grumbled. "At least those two evil dooers are gone. I've also heard that a Mister C. A. Roo, better known as Tickleroo, isn't pleased about being copied. Thankfully, he'll be able to get even against his new cellmates." He slowly smiled. "I think that's almost as good."

"Indeed it is," Darkfox said, only to pause. Everyone in the box rushed forwards, spotting one of the ZPD mammals make a hail Mary in the last second. Everyone held their breath, before a riot of noise erupted as he equalised, just as the game ended.

"Well," Wonderbun said, smiling. "It seems the only losers today are evil."

"In more ways than one," Darkfox agreed, as the jumbotron began working on the replay. "Fingers crossed that the other bad guys will get the message."

"-OH I DON'T THINK SO!"

There was a gasp, as everyone turned to the jumbotron. Up on it was an ugly, scraggly, unkempt grey hare, a giant purple hat on his head.

Wonderbun and Darkfox looked at each other and then back at the screen, gasping. "THE MAD HATTER!"

"Oh yes," he announced. Back in his lab, he spoke out into his camera, while behind him in his lab a set of crazy hats filled with evil gadgets lay about. In the middle of it all, was a big model of the Zootopia Natural History Museum. "And places are about to change, as my schemes will break you two. I must say I'm late, late, for a very important date! The heist of the century!"

.

CAN DARKFOX AND WONDERBUN EVER CATCH A BREAK?

FAMOUS FOR HIDING THINGS BENEATH THEM, WHAT TERRIBLE PLAN HAS THE MAD HATTER GOT UNDER HIS HEINOUS HEADWEAR THIS TIME?

WILL THE DYNAMIC DUO BE ABLE TO SWAP HIS BOWLER FOR A COLLAR?

OR ARE THEY GOING TO FIND THEMSELVES OUT OF A JOB AND CAP IN PAW?

WHO KNOWS WHAT THEIR NEXT ADVENTURE MIGHT BRING?

THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT IS TO TUNE IN NEXT WEEK.

SAME FOX TIME, SAME BUN CHANNEL.


	28. Patreon Story 14: Cap in Paw

**Cap in paw.**

.

There were three things that Judy learnt when she fell in love with a fox. One was something that was a source of both frustration and joy, the second of deep sadness and longing, the third pure thick-cut prime off the bone schadenfreude.

Nick was always a cheap mammal. It came as no surprise, she reasoned. He’d come from a poor neighbourhood, was raised by a single mother after the death of his father, he ultimately had some self-esteem issues that meant he didn’t treat himself. Oh, he treated her very well, and in a way she began insisting that he splashed out on their dates so that he could get something good for himself. Still, his cheapness showed. On one spa day, she remembered asking him about how nice it was as they sat in a hot salt water pool. He said it was very nice, but something he could replicate with a big water barrel, Finnick’s van, the ocean, a bath/tub and an immersion heater. He then reasoned that he could scrounge most of those up from a scrap yard, before bringing up his phone to remind himself how much electricity costed and what was the specific heat capacity of water.

He’d promptly been liberated of his original I-carrot phone by an annoyed Judy, who was very annoyed at this point given that she’d been the one to pay for this day. The fox had shrugged, just saying that while he deeply enjoyed it, he also felt that he could recreate a similar experience for a dollar or two, and that Judy didn’t have to spend anything on him as her sweetness was good enough by itself. That had earned a combined hug and a punch, leading to long Nick to Nick musing on whether the correct term was a hunch or a pug.

Judy had later wanted to give herself a punch, no hug included, when she finally followed Nick to his place. “How old even is that camper?!”

“Don’t be ageist carrots. It works.”

Judy wasn’t sure if she agreed. She wasn’t even sure if it would move. Its paint was chipping, a few of the windows were cracked, she could swear that it belonged in a movie with a cantankerous Dame Maggy Spitz character living in it. And, whatever she said, Nick brushed it off.

“How do you go to the toilet?”

“It’s parked over a mammal hole. Direct injection.”

“But you have to lift it up.”

“Well, it’s a manual. It works.”

“What about washing yourself?”

“I pay the owner of that store ten bucks a month, and he lets me use his water and electricity. Heck, he even lets me park on that land, spooks loiterers away. That’s one-twenty a year. I mean, it’s still a bit dear…”

“Dear!? But… ARGHHHH!!!” She clutched her face in his paws. “Nick, you earn that much in a single shift, and it covers you for a year.”

“Eh, used to do better.”

“WHAT!?”

“Hey, two-hundred dollars a day, every day, since I was twelve.”

He walked on in, taking a few yanks to open up the side door while Judy stood, paws rooted to the floor and nose twitching. “Nick…” she said, her voice a hoarse whisper. “You were seriously about that?”

“Yes. Why?”

“That’s one million, four hundred and sixty thousand dollars…”

“Well, no, I don’t have that much,” he said, rolling his eyes as he began rooting around his cupboards.

“Right.”

“Of course right. Taxes on the second ten years for one thing, that reduced the total by about one sixth. Would be more, but blessed be them statutes of limitations. And most of what I got I slipped into stocks and stuff, and I tend to have a good nose for those. So, a bunch of stock in ol’ Elon Muskrats car company for a start. I also bought around ten-thousand bark coins when they were a penny each. I sold half of those right at the peak, that was twenty thousand dollar a pop… And the rest are worth half that now, so that’s… Hmmm. You’re good at multiplying, right?”

“Yes…”

“So that’s?”

“One hundred… and fifty… million…”

“Before taxes,” Nick said in a sing-song voice as he pulled out some cans. He held them behind him, up at Judy. “Now, can you believe that mammals will chuck this stuff away? Spaghetti hoops, the meal of champions, am I right Carrots?”

…

“Fluff?”

…

“Why are you hitting my van with your head Judy?”

.

.

* * *

.

.

Not long after, after insisting he buy an ‘overpriced, overspecked, really not that much better than my van’ three-million-dollar elite penthouse with three bedrooms, a roof garden, and access to all the communal gardens, facilities and even gym and pool, Judy was settling down nicely into her new relationship. It was still annoying that he’d ultimately only agreed to this as ‘a real estate investment’, and that the only way to get him to treat himself was for her to do it for him. As per a new agreement, Nick had to spent half a percent of his wealth on himself every year and, if he failed to do that, Judy would spend it for him. That was still close to a million bucks a year, really close to the big seven figures given their combined salaries, and would smash through that ceiling in a few years given how good the rest of his investments were doing.

She was happy, relaxed, complacent…

And so, while chatting with her father, she made a terrible, terrible, terrible mistake.

“You know…” she mumbled, after responding to a question about how she looked so good. “It helps to have a millionaire boyfriend who needs help to spend his money.”

“WAIT-WHAT? You’re dating a millionaire. Bonnie! Bonnie! Our little girl married a millionaire! The Hopps family is set. Come over here, quickly!” Her mother barged in, her eyes wide.

“What’s this about a millionaire?”

Judy sat up and spun around, giving them a wide view of the exquisite apartment. “What do you think?”

“I think I want to meet this mammal?” Stu said, hopping up and down.

“Well, good news for you is you already have.”

…

“Uhhh…”

“Ummmm…”

“Oh come on, it’s Nick…”

“-WHAT!!!”

She was taken aback by their shock, but brushed it off. “Yeah, I was pretty surprised too. He’s one crazy saver and…”

“Oh no,” her father cut her off. “Oh no, no, no!”

The bunny cop blinked a few times. “Uh… Dad? I…”

“You are NOT dating a fox,” he yelled, his teeth baring. “No way, nuh-uh, not a chance!”

Judy couldn’t believe it. She… But… “Dad, it’s… There’s nothing wrong with…”

“There’s everything wrong with it!” he yelled back. “Tolerating them on business is one thing, but there are sacramental lines and stuff, or has that city over there corrupted you or something?”

“Dad, no-one ever said it was wrong to date a fox,” she gasped, her eyes narrowing. “You never told me that…”

“IT DIDN’T NEED TO BE SAID!” he yelled. “It’s disgusting, freakish, sick, end of and you can not change our minds!”

“I…” she began, tears beginning to well as her paw shook with anger. “Well you can speak for yourself, but not for the rest of my family. Isn’t that right, Mom? Mom…”

It was only then that she saw her mother slumped in the corner, bent over and crying.

“Mom… Mom, please, don’t be silly.”

“No,” Bonnie managed, turning up and looking as if she was about to give a hard scolding. “You stop being silly. Call us back when you’ve grown up and thought about what you’ve done.” She then reached forward and grabbed the phone, hanging it up.

Judy was left sitting there, shaking.

“Hey Carrots,” Nick said, walking in. “Remember those torn jeans of yours? Well, I converted the beyond repair set into some nice new denim shorts, and used the remining denim scraps to pad up them worn through knee areas. And you said they were only good for the trash!”

…

“Fluff? Is this fashion thing really worth getting that emotional about? After all, anything will look good with you in it.”

…

“Ooohhh… Thanks for the Pug Judy. Now, ehhh, what’s the problem?”

.

According to _almost_ all the Hopps family, Nick was the problem. Sure, he could be barely tolerated as a friend, being a fox, a city mammal, an ex-con mammal and so on. But that was before he dared to date and defile their daughter. Especially before he revealed that he was a master swindler, a conniving stealer, a mix between a cat burglar, mafia boss and Gordon Gecko wannabe all rolled up into one. Oh, there was no way he got that much money without stealing, defrauding and so on. Judy begged and pleaded, but it only made their hatred of Nick harden, for gaslighting and pulling the wool over her eyes. He was everything wrong with foxes and more, a blatant liar and greed magnet who would swindle money as easily and without mercy as he’d swindled their daughters love.

There were those who secretly supported her in the Hopps warren. ‘Chief Organiser’ Violet Hopps, after thoroughly reviewing the many documents provided, concluded it was all perfectly legitimate. While she still had reservations about the WildeHopps pairing, it was more a clinical concern about the practicalities and emotional toll. Judy assured her though that, at this point, she chose Nick over the rest of her family. Secretly though, she still wished that she could convert the whole other burrow to her side.

It was a fools errand.

They would not budge.

In the end, she was left with a secret fanclub of a dozen bunnies, ranging from Uncle Sammy Sr at the oldest to Little Cotton Hopps at the youngest.

And her fox.

Who she was now planning an all-star wedding for, given that a simple civil registration would not do.

.

.

* * *

.

.

“No, no, no, no! Why now!”

Stu’s words echoed out hard through the warren, even among the heavy beating of hard hailstones and lashings of lightning.

“Stu! Get back in!” Bonnie shouted, running out and grabbing his paw. “Just because the sirens aren’t going off, doesn’t mean we’re going to risk it!”

Many a mammal would be staring out at the base of the supercell, its lowered wall rotating menacingly above them. Looking hard enough, they might even spot the faint wisps on the ground of a tornado trying (and thankfully failing) to form. But Stu, as he was hauled back down, paw reaching out, had his eyes fixed on one thing.

His carrots.

His beautiful, growing, magnificent carrots.

And the fist sized hailstones current smashing down on them.

By the time the storm was over, he was like a lost mammal wandering about. They had been halfway to ready, small enough that they weren’t sellable but large enough that time and effort had been put into them. The leaves and stems up top had been smashed in and destroyed, in many cases the larger stones reaching down and hitting the top of the vegetable too and pulping them. Sure, many had survived, but if he waited to harvest all of those at market size, the other half would have long rotted. And, even if getting the entire warren to go around pulling the damaged ones out day and night for home consumption, it would take a month to deal with all the fields.

No.

Out came the tractor, pulling all the small carrots up. The family could have them. They’d sow a new crop in its place.

Elsewhere, the damage was worse. The berries, just coming in, wiped out for the year. Many of the pumpkin and courgette plants pulped up too. Not the gourds themselves, the actual plant they grew from. Again, another replant.

It hit them hard. Very hard. But they could survive for this year, though it would involve a bit of debt.

Next year though, the rains were weak, the crops poor, the family breaking even but the interest on the debt ratcheting up.

The next year was even worse. Oh, the crops came in good, but eighteen years ago Bonnie had had two huge litters near the start and end, and that meant twenty hard working bunny kits going off to higher education. Bonnie and Stu had promised, sworn, that they’d help all their kits and this wasn’t something that they’d back down on. Hopps promises were solid as gold, they weren’t going to betray them, especially like how Judy had betrayed them! Well, the mechanics were different but it was the principle that counted. They weren’t dishonest, shifty, conniving mammals like that fox. Urghhh… Why did it have to be him who was the rich mammal who got their wayward daughters’ heart? Any other, and their issues would be solved. They could only hope that she finally came to her senses and returned home with a hefty divorce settlement.

But nothing came of it, other than twenty kits getting big chunks of money and Hopps farms going much more under. A good harvest next year helped, but many of the burrow systems also required major repairs. A small step forward, but the last of them. Compound interest was a harsh mistress, especially paired with the burgeoning numbers of grandkits and even their first great-grandkits, all requiring a greater stock of the farm produce, meaning less to sell.

“We can only go on like this for five more years, Stu,” Violet warned one year.

“Four years,” she warned the next.

“Three. Listen, maybe you can make up with Nick and Judy and…” Her parents reacted, and she didn’t broach the subject for another year.

The next time went pretty similar.

As did the one after that.

“Ten days…” The mood was tense and cold, the whole burrow scared and worried. Violet scowled. “Listen. I’ve kept in contact with them, they know and they’re happy to lend it!”

“Oh yeah?” Stu demanded. “What are his foxy conditions then, huh?”

“You negotiate mammal to mammal.”

“You see! Filthy fox. Doesn’t even demand I say sorry to my daughter.”

“He said that demanding it would be a moot point as you wouldn’t mean it.”

“I don’t mean it and I won’t be asking for anything!” he exclaimed. “It’s better to fail as honest mammals with your principles than succeed as corrupted ones!”

…

Nine days later, the bunny was grumbling across from his ex-daughter and her husband. The four sets of little fox eyes looking on curiously didn’t help one bit.

“Hey, I finally found something I’m happy to spend on,” Nick said with a smile, bouncing a little cross-fox vixen on his leg. She looked up and giggled as he bent down and gave a lick on her nose. Bonnie and Stu gave disgusted looks, as he tickle attacked her and let her go. “I mean honestly, lil’ hustlers all of them! I can’t help but spend criminal amounts on them. Tchhh, it beggars belief. I mean what kind of mammal would want to give Cindy there away? Well, probably the same that’d give Jackie, Oliver and Mike away too. Anyhow, onto business. These are our terms. I think you’ll find them both reasonable and non-negotiable.”

The two grumbled, looking down, only for Bonnies features to soften.

“As I said,” Violet began, walking up. “Perfectly reasonably. Charitable even.”

“It’s zero interest,” Bonnie chimed in, smiling.

“And with my business plans, it should take us five years to pay it off, with a bit of tolerable austerity along the way.”

“Just hold up,” Stu interrupted, scanning through it. “I know _him_. What’s the catch? There’s always a catch, I… A-ha! There! I got you now, Fox! No way, uh-uh, not a chance! In four hours’ time, I may not have my farm anymore, but I will have my dignity!”

…

Three hours and fifty-nine minutes later, Stu Hopps’ signature was on the document. He had lost his dignity, and his farm.

The next day, new CEO Violet Wilde, along with her fellow trustees (ranging in age from Uncle Sammy Sr to a still underage Cotton Hopps) look on as the sign to ‘WildeHopps delicious farm stuff inc.’ went up.

Stu Hopps and Bonnie looked at it and sighed, before getting back to work. They had a new harvest to bring in after all, with extra blueberries.


	29. Patreon Story 15: Long Time

** Long time. (For Combat Engineer) **

.

“Smell anything, Sergio?”

Feet trotting on the hard ground, bones and chitin residue snapping under his hard hooves, the grizzled one-eyed boar gave a double snort back.

Pulling her gun from her hip, Judy Hopps nodded in agreement and stepped forward, her ears up and scanning. All the better as the sandy wind whistled through, its rusty hue clouding their vision. They all knew that _they_ liked to hide in this. It was their second-best time to latch on, other than in their sleep of course.

A finger went down to adjust the spiked guards in her ears and nostrils, before snapping back as the sound of a piece of metal sheeting tipping over rang out. “Halt!”

“H-h-hello?” came a voice, peaking out amongst the sounds of the ruined city.

“I’m Lieutenant Hopps, Chief Scout of the Last Zootopia caravan. We’re looking for the remains of the city, we think we can find supplies in there. Raid the old climate works, set up better generators and desalination. We come in peace.”

…

“Are you taken?”

“No,” it spoke again. “Are you?”

“No. You could be lying.”

“So could you…”

There was a long pause. “We can take you to be tested.”

“You could be taken.”

“We could… but we could not. It’s up to you.”

Sergio gave a snort, the bunny beside him looking up and giving a quizzical look. He begin to raise his paws, but any explanation was cut off before it could begin. There was a slight scrunch of moving metal and Judy looked over to see a knobbly kneed camel teen standing up, hooves in the air.

“Come with us,” she said, the camel taking a step forward before a shot exploded down between his legs. He jumped up screaming, before flinching away as he saw what was hit. It quivered and it chittered, and the slime from its pale white skin was foaming out in a last ecstatic act as its mortality flickered away. Their eyes were all fixed on its mandibles, small yet indescribably sharp and cruel.

“Come on,” Judy said, still holding her gun. “Just keep your distance.”

.

* * *

.

“Okay, just put it over and…”

Judy waited on, still a bit nervous, as her paws were covered with boxes and shielded from her view. A moot point given the blindfold put on her head. The technician on the other side leant in with a small instrument, its tip raised to a red-hot heat. The bunny winced as one of her toes was touched. Then a finger. Then she felt a patter on her sides. Then a tapping. Then a tickling that had her laughing. Then a stroking. “You’re clear,” she was told, before stepping out, joining the camel girl as they walked on into the encampment. Gaunt faced prey mammals stared back at them, with hope and fear in their eyes. It wasn’t long before they reached the command tent. Judy and Sergio sat down next to Pronk, the last of her ZPD crew to make it this far.

“I hope you’ve been busy!” he shouted. He was loud, always loud, both before and after he lost his best friend. “We’ve got a turned horde following us and the main body will be here in a day or two at the earliest!”

The bunny groaned. They’d been fearing that. “What can we do?” she mumbled. “I was hoping we might find tools, supplies, maybe even a secure encampment or something.”

“What, to fight them off from!? We barely have a bullet per mammal!”

Sergio grunted in agreement.

“I know!” she said. “But if we could find a place to defend, to hit them back with spears, or…”

“We’re starving! We can’t do that!”

“Which is why I hoped we’d find stuff to get agriculture going! Or food supplies! Or something!” she yelled back, before turning away, slamming her fist on the overturned apple crate. “Ever since they turned up, we’ve been running. I… Where can we run too next. I thought… I thought that Zootopia’s ruins might…” She paused, sighing, slumping down and rubbing her head. She gave a gaze to the young camel survivor. “If you have any idea where we can go, please tell me.”

“I was going to the happy place,” he said.

Sergio oinked while Pronk groaned. “Yes! Let’s all go to the happy place! Where _they_ never turned up and pawpsicles grow on trees and…”

“-There is a happy place!” he shouted. “Near the old city. It was once a part of it. We met a mammal from there, she said they never fell, and they’re okay and…”

“-Yeah! As if,” Pronk groaned. “Listen, let’s just pack up and keep marching, eating grass as we go and…”

“-Wait,” Judy cut in. She stood up, turning to him. “Happy place? Do you mean Happytown.”

He paused, thinking. “-She called it a happy town,” he said.

“It was always called Happytown,” Judy said, a smile coming over her. “It was a poor area close to Zootopia, but if they survived…”

“-Woah, woah, woah!” Pronk yelled, shutting her off. “Firstly, if this even is Happytown we’re talking about, it was a screwed up Pred slum. That place was a burning trash heap filled with mammals that could tear each other apart even before the brain parasites arrived. And now he’s saying that they, of all the places and mammals, survived. Oh no, oh no, no, no, no! Impossible.”

“I…” Judy began, before her patience ran out. “Who knows? It was the Rainforest District that was swarmed first, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Pronk said, crossing his arms. “That was where the lab developing new bugburger bugs was.”

“And wasn’t that company owned by a beaver?” Judy asked, before shaking her head. “Besides, it wasn’t a predator doing whatever bio engineering created those things, was it? If Happytown still stands, they could give us shelter, they could give us the only chance we have of withstanding that horde.”

“Yeah,” Pronk scoffed. “And then what? Do you really think they would have kept their collars on or maintained all this time? They’ll be bare necks, Hopps. In a post apocalypse. They’re already hyped up and on the verge of de-evolving, one whiff of prey in the air and…” he clicked his fingers. “Chomp. The end. At least if I’m a brainwashed zombie I’m still sort of alive.”

Sergio began making some grunts, before waving his hoofs up in the air. Judy looked on and nodded, before turning back to Pronk and smiling. “Two-one.”

He groaned, hitting the table. “If you want, go lead a scouting party and see if it’s true. There’s a hill nearby we could camp and rest on. Might give us some chance when they come.”

“Can I come too, to the happy place?” the camel asked, an air of hope in his voice. Judy looked at him and nodded. “Sure, we’ll just get some proper armour on you first.”

.

* * *

.

It was nearly dusk as they approached the old predator neighbourhood. The diversion around the inlet had taken it out of them, and all the while they could hear things off in the distance. Infected. A few spare glances saw mammals with horrific injuries who somehow were still walking, their skin bloated or bursting in places with new parasites. Those were the easy ones to spot. The hard ones were the recents. Where a worm had burrowed in as they slept, hijacked them, still had access to their memories and did its best to act casual. Those worm things were intelligent, and they’d have their host grow a couple of new ones on their back before forcefully infecting those closest to them.

By the time they’d worked it out it was too late. The masses panicked, the infected ran out, charging for others, and Zootopia had fallen.

Except here…

They looked up to see a rough built wall ahead, its front littered with spikes to stop climbers, its top lit with lights and armed with blade launchers. Judy held her paws up as they trained themselves on her. “I’m not infected!” she shouted. “We’re leading a refugee caravan. We’re out of supplies, exhausted, being chased by infected. We deserve common mammality here. We need your shelter.”

There was a long pause, before a mammal shouted back. “We’ll put you through the tester. Come on in.”

A small door opened and in they walked.

“Paws up.”

Judy did so, handing over her weapons to the young wolf in question before ridding her ears of their spiked guards. Her fears were allayed greatly as she saw that he still had a collar on. It seemed that after all this time they still knew what was for their own good. Honestly, it was a bit surprising, but she wasn’t about to look a gift giving horse in the mouth.

The test followed much the same as their one did. Testing their involuntary reflexes, something that all infected lost as a side effect of being taken over.

“What’s that thing on your neck?” the camel asked.

The wolf looked at him and cocked his head. “How old are you?”

“Thirteen,” he said. “How old are you… Also, what are you?”

“I’m a wolf,” he said, smiling. “Twenty.” His paws went up and Judy blinked as he unlatched his collar, before holding it out to the camel. Judy blinked again. He could just take it off! And he was giving it to that camel boy who…

“You don’t need to put it on!” she shouted, making the camel look at her in confusion. “You don’t need it.” She then turned to the wolf, frowning. “You know full well that only predators need those.”

There was a long pause, before the wolf began to growl. “Oh, you’re one of those, aren’t you?”

“One of what?” the camel kid asked. Sergio was shaking his head.

The wolf sighed. “I was very young when the fall came. After it, we all wore special collars like that. It monitors our heartbeat, you see. And when a bug tries to burrow into our brain, it injects us with a paralysing drug to stop us fighting back. But, here’s the important thing, we still panic. And these collars detect that, and shock us, and that shock makes the bug think we’re still moving and makes it run off. Even if it tries to go on and latch our brain, the shocks running through it mean it really struggles to take control, while the noise we make wakes others who can help us. Most of the time they give up or get pulled out, the rest of it the mammal dies and takes it with it.”

Realisation dawned on Judy’s face. Their collars had protecting them from the fall.

The wolf shot her a warning glare as the camel pulled it onto his neck and clasped it shut, the green light going orange. “That’s a warning light, if you get more excited it goes red and zaps you. Of course, you could press this button here and…” He did just that. The button went off. “-And in a minute, it’ll give you a beep. Press it again to keep it on standby.”

But then they made them so they didn’t protect from savages…

“Of course,” the wolf carried on, “there were collars before these. Different collars…”

He was cut off as a door was pulled open, an old tiger poking in. “I heard there was a Judy Hopps here.”

“Yes,” she said. “Emissary for…”

“Shut up,” he ordered. “The mayor wants a word with you. He’s very interested to hear that an old friend has returned.”

“An old friend…” she began. One of her old squad mates? The Chief!? “Who is it?”

“You’ll see,” he said, waving her on. “He remembers you. He thinks you’ll remember him, too.”

.

* * *

.

“YOU! You became mayor?”

Her voice echoed around the room before fading into silence as the red fox turned to face her. He smiled and shrugged. “Anything wrong with that, Carrots?”

“I… You… You’re a crook! Two days before the fall I chased you down after you escaped from the Zoo! You had a life sentence! And you became the mayor here?”

He blinked. “My name is Nick, by the way. Nick. Nick Wilde. Mayor Wilde. I like that one. Don’t you too, Officer Hippity Hoppity.”

“If the world was right, you’d still be in a prison cell,” she shouted. “-And it’s Hopps. Officer Judy Hopps.”

There was some grunting from some side as Sergio began signing again. To her surprise, Nick began signing back. The boar had learnt a bastardised version of standard signing after his injury, but there was enough between them to talk, and given the angle and speed she soon lost track.

“Yeah, he’s cool,” Nick spoke.

Judy glared at the pig, who shrugged.

“You’re not by the way, Fluff.”

“And why not!” she spoke. “Because I was still in the right there, you in the wrong, and the apocalypse changes none of that. The fact remains that you’re a criminal, and just because the society has gone doesn’t mean your debt to it hasn’t!”

He glared at her, and she gulped a little as he deliberately pulled his collar off. He’d had enough of pressing the reset button. “Do you know why is was in there for life? All these mammals do. Heck, it was why they elected me as a mayor.”

She blinked. There was one specific law that would give a predator an automatic life sentence. “You were taking mammals collars off. You stole a key.”

“I had a counterfeit.”

“You were running a knot house.”

“More a safe refuge,” he spoke. “A speakeasy if you will. Only with amusement rides instead of booze. A place for predators to go to, to take their collars off, to actually live! Yeah, how about that to mess up your prey sensibilities? A place in Zootopia where preds could escape the hate from speciesist jerks like yourself, forget that we were being hit by a slow genocide and once… Just once… For a few hours a week, live as normal mammals!”

He stared at her.

She stared back, her nose twitching. “You put mammals’ lives at risk from that. It was reckless.”

He snorted. “Oh no, no, no Fluff. Quite the contrary. We have had no savages here. No evil hordes of evil preds. When I was just a year younger than that camel boy, I was forced into an emotion sensing torture device that I had to wear for the next two decades. My father tried to resist and they vanished him for it! Because we were preds. Because we were ruled by mammals that hated us for it. And I fought back, I suffered for it, but now that we’re free they wanted a mammal to rule them who they could trust…”

“-Yeah,” Judy snorted. “A fox.”

…

“Yeah,” he said, waving his paws in the air. “We’re done here. Take her out.”

Judy blinked. “Wait, what?” she asked, as a tiger grabbed her paw.

“I said I’m done,” he said, paws up. “Honestly I don’t have to take any of this.”

“Hey, you listen here, Fox!”

“You’re really not helping your case…”

“Those collars saved you.”

“Yeah, it just took the apocalypse for it to happen. There’s an old fox saying. That’s Karma.”

“We’ve got thousands of mammals who need refuge here! Come back and talk to me, now…”

She was shut off as she was pulled back down a corridor.

.

* * *

.

“So, these are his terms, Sergio?”

The pig snorted. It was quite simple. The predators would never be forced into collars again. Any prey coming here would have to accept that. They wouldn’t take any verbal abuse. It would be a crime for prey to slur them (reportedly Judy would have been given five days working the fields for that, followed by a ‘follow up’ lesson). All prey would follow the predator rules and be taught in predator schools and taught predator propaganda and, ten years down the line, they’d get equal voting rights. Even then, some ‘safeguards’ were in place, so one side couldn’t dominate the other.

She had to present that to her camp. There would be no negotiations. And as for her?

She’d have to work as his janitor come maid. Apparently, he’d worked as the former for years. She gristle at the pettiness of it.

She and Sergio slept the deadly night away and left for the camp. It would be a long trek back.

She knew there were many mammals who knew nothing of before the fall, or for whom predators were a nothing compared to the horrors unleashed upon them. They’d go. There were others who remembered before that, yet even she was thinking that they would cave in.

If not, they’d need help, and she could go with them.

If they did.

If they didn’t?

Her nose twitched.

She’d be having to put up with that unrepentant con-fox for a long time.

.

* * *

.

** AN: Commissioned by Combat Engineer on the premise: years after the apocalypse Zistopia Judy finds Zistopia Nick running the only safe refuge, and she has to deal with that… **

** Funnily enough, I had an idea for a sort of similar AU ages back, in which Zistopia would be hit by locust plagues and food shortages, in which Nick and a bunch of others would organise a coup, take over, and begin running a new Zootopia by and for preds… And having to defend it too. **

** Regardless, an interesting prompt. **


	30. Patreon Story 16: Fowl Business

**Fowl business (for Combat Engineer)**

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.

“Let’s get a house! With a garden!”

What else could Nick do but go along with that classic Hopps enthusiasm. While getting out of the centre of Zootopia was (insert: unnerving, foreign, highly annoying given the need for early morning wakeups) to the fox, he went along with it, the pair eventually finding a terrace house out on the edge of the meadowlands. It was tall and thin, and _exactly_ the same could be said for the garden.

Which Judy had insisted was perfect!

It soon became apparent exactly what it was perfect for when a bunch of her family turned up one morning and started digging it up. _Then_ it had clicked! Good soil, south facing, you could take the bunny outta the farm but not the farm outta the bunny.

And the bunny was busy out getting things ready. Planting trays and big carrot fields and… -she was sifting the soil?

It was to make the carrots grow straight and true, or so she said. Whatever, it was her project anyway. She wasn’t even that good of a cook, he was the one in charge of working out how to store, sell and use all that stuff! It was the simple principle of growing it all that mattered to her, which was something that he just didn’t get. Then again, he wouldn’t get it anyway if the reason was to grow all your own food. As far as he was concerned, why bother throwing away all your free time to grow lettuce and carrots and squash when you could just walk down to the store and buy them. Heck, buy more than his weight in them for a pawful of bucks or so!

The same could be said for the leeks, and the beetroot, and all those herbs she was getting going in her little greenhouse, and the blue… berry… bush…

.

Judy was pleased to see that Nick loved gardening!

Yes, most of that involved one large bunch of bushes, currently enclosed in a newly erected greenhouse, filled with the sound of classical music… But he had been branching out, no pun intended. Some of it was just using his larger size and strength to mass move bags of compost or so on, but then there was that agricultural sniffers course he went on. Now he went about, detecting the slightest trace of fungal infection and spraying it down.

And then there was his ‘efficiency drive’. Having planted large trays of salad leaves, Judy never wanted for anything… Which meant that they grew large and overflowing leaves that needed to be regularly pruned. She found him sitting out there one day, pondering how to make best used of the excess.

Judy had responded by religiously pruning them and putting the scraps on the compost heap. Along with shed and raked up leaves, various husks and peelings, and all sorts of bits and bobs that were left over. The first year of production, she ended up with a massive harvest of dried beans, and through all of that there had been piles of hard knobbly bean pods left over.

And that wasn’t even getting to the trees!

Oh, she loved that they had a decent apple tree overhanging part of the back two-thirds, currently uncultivated. But they were but two mammals, and couldn’t consume all the output. They could consume nothing from the acorn tree either. Even gathering and giving away didn’t deal with everything. After all, many fruits grew too high up, overripened on the branch, and then… _Smush_!

The thing was, she didn’t care. She was producing enough for her and Nick, but over that winter she saw her fox brooding over it. Oh, if she’d known what she’d opened. She should have known that, even though it took a lot of effort to get him into something, once he was in he was going to make it the most efficient of something possible!

And oh, did he have a plan.

And one day, when getting back on the train from her parents, she heard it.

“Nick, what’s that noise?”

“Oh, the noise?” he began, smiling. “I’d have thought you’d rather want to know what was in the box.” He revealed a cardboard box, lid punctured with holes, said noise chirping out.

“What’s in the box!?”

He waved her over and opened it up, and her heart melted.

“This is Turkey.”

…

She hated that name. He once complained about a fox having the surname fox, and now he burdened it on their new pet! The little poult could fit in her paw, and when it wasn’t running around it was eating out of her paw as Nick got the pen together. He set that up, then put chicken wire around the newly growing lettuce, rocket and other salad plants. When the leaves got too long, Turkey could reach in and peck and nibble.

Early on he brought in a few bags of chick feed but, as the main plants began growing, the bird found plenty to eat. Judy often found herself looking up from her weeding to see the growing bird digging through the compost heap, or strutting around the grass to pick off slugs, bugs and snails.

And often, she found him looking at her.

“Hey there, Turkey,” she greeted, as he stood a few paces from her, just watching. Looking down and pausing, she winced a little as she picked up a worm and held it out in an open paw. Turkey took a tentative step forward, then another, and then his beak swooshed down and picked up the worm, gobbling it down in one go. His head watched her, jerking about a bit, before he let out a quick gobble.

“Aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww…. -Nick! Nick!”

“Where’s the fire?” he asked, poking out the back door.

Judy waved her paws out at Turkey. “He made his first gobble!”

The fox rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t get too attached.”

She crossed her paws. “I’m gonna get totally too attached!”

.

She did, especially as he grew massive. By the end of summer he was already larger than her, and with the harvests coming in he began to grow _fat_. Piles of cut up old growth, husks and pods. A carpet of fallen acorns and apples. Even a final late bloom of the dreaded slugs and snails. He’d go around pecking and devouring, and he grew massive.

Judy found herself taking pictures of him as November began, sharing them with those around the Precinct. Everyone was receptive, especially the predators (after her suggestion, Nick had been busy inviting loads of mammals to a thanksgiving meal). Clawhauser especially adored him, talking about just how much he could eat that big bird up.

Judy laughed it off, taking pride in it. Just like with Wolford’s comment about him being a fine thing.

Then came Fangmeyer. “He’s almost too fine to eat.”

The bunny chuckled. “Don’t be silly. He’s our pet.”

“… Uh, Hopps…”

“Yeah,” she asked.

.

_-5 minutes later-_

.

“NICKPLEASEDON’TEATTURKEY! PLEASEDON’TEATTURKEY! PLEASEDON’TEATTURKEY! PLEASEDON’TEATTURKEY! IWILLKILLYOUIFYOUEATTURKEY!”

…

“Judy, what did you literally expect to happen?”

“I…”

“It’s a boy! It’s not going to go off laying eggs.”

“I…” she sniffed… “Please don’t eat him. I’ll buy you the _best_ turkey I can. I’ll do more… I’ll do way, way more…”

“ _Hmmmmmm…_ ”

And so, it came to pass that that Thanksgiving, Judy Hopps served a turkey, in a turkey suit, much to the confusion of Turkey outside. Still, Nick was annoyed. There was no point in having a male turkey wandering around out there if you weren’t going to eat it.

And so, that spring, coming home from Bunnyburrow, Judy saw a new box.

“What’s in the box?” she asked nervously. “And please don’t say you plan to eat them.”

“Of course not,” he said, smiling. “We’re going to eat what comes out of them.”

And so, the Wilde garden became home to Hen A and Hen B. As for Turkey…

.

_-Etrusca plaza, Little Rodentia-_

.

“RIOT! RIOT! RIOT!”

“WE KNOW!”

The two rioters were cut off as a third threw a minute molotov into a building, the trio whooping and cheering. They and the rest of the posse were burning the frickin’ town down. And nobody was gonna stop them.

“RUUUUNNNNNN….”

They broke off as a terrified rat raced past, followed by another. There was a slam as a pika knocked into one of them. “They’ve brought out the mounted troops!”

Off he ran, leaving the others looking at each other, confused. “Mounted…”

_‘GOBBLE GOBBLE’_

“DISPERSE IN THE NAME OF THE LAW!”

Before they could react, a gust of wind blew them onto the ground and, above them, loomed a terrifying sight. Judy Hopps, mounted on a turkey, and one thing was for certain.

Neither of them was chicken.


	31. Patreon Story 17: Fanfic

**Fanfic (for Cimar)**

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Nick: Bored…

…

Nick: Bored…

…

Judy: Bored?

Nick: Wow, seems I’ll have to add clairvoyance to the list. You really are a Bun of many talents.

Judy: Ha-Ha…

Nick: The correct response is ‘And don’t you know it’ I’ll have you know.

Judy: Oh really?

Nick: Yup. Talented though you are, you’re not flawless.

Judy: Pot-kettle.

Nick: Oh, I know I’m a highly flawed fox. Not even second-pawed… I’m the one held at the back of the garage, hidden under a tarp so it doesn’t bring the other ones prices down. Even Skye would think twice before saying I’d be worth fixing.

Judy: Nick…

Nick: Turn me on, the warning lights are already lit up.

Judy: Is one of those the ‘pesters bunny when bored’ lights?

Nick: Your observational skills are beyond measure.

Judy: Har-Har.

Nick: I mean seriously, locked down again? Round 1 was bad enough!

Judy: Don’t remind me.

Nick: And you’d think that us cops would be essential workers…

Judy: Yeah, I don’t get that one either.

Nick: Sounds like the kind of plot hole someone would have to set up a crappy fanfic concept.

Judy: ???

Nick: I see that one did not hit home base. Nvmind…

Judy: So, Nick… You read fanfic, eh?

Nick: Fox pleads the 5th.

Judy: Overruled!

Nick: I may have once read a robin hood fanfic.

Judy: …

Nick: Several…

Judy: …

Nick: Okay, when I was 16 I did a Robin Hood fanfic…

Judy: Name.

Nick: No.

Judy: Name please?

Nick: Not happening.

Judy: Nam Plox

Nick: nada. Nyet. Nien.

Judy: NmPlz

Nick: We’re texting. Those bunny eyes will not work on me.

…

Nick: Muzzletime call, denied!

Judy: Imagine them!

…

Nick: Crap, uhhhh…

Judy: MORE!

Nick: And watching Ewetube now! Mam, I should have done this from the start.

…

…

Judy: Ranger Blue: Robin Hood the movie but with awesome squire Ranger Blue.

Nick: I WAS LESS THAN HALF MY AGE OKAY!

Judy: I’m gonna review all the chapters HEHEHEHE…

Nick: This is payback, isn’t it?

…

Nick: For bothering the bun.

Judy: Hey, it certainly stopped the boredom.

Nick: In hindsight, boredom is underrated!

Judy: Just like Ranger Blue as he convinces three guards to jump into the moat, then shoots three guards, then swordfights against three more, Robin and Little John having to take a break just to stare in awe.

Nick: (Angry/embarrassed fox noises)

Judy: And is now gushed over by them, asking R Blue how they can become so pawsome and cool?

Nick: You love Fuzzy Justice, right?

Judy: Hahaha. Read a few but none written.

Nick: One way to prove that wrong…

Judy: Yes, but you sold your time machine to Finn. Outta luck Fox.

…

Judy: Can you give me a demonstration of the pawpsicle punt of peril?

…

Nick: I found Judy Hopps fanfic.

Judy: No you didn’t.

Nick: I did. There’s tons.

Judy: Yes. And it’s the Berenstain Bears. I wrote nothing.

Nick: Okay, first off, it IS the Berenstain Bears. Secondly, this isn’t stuff you wrote. It’s fanfic, of YOU. Of US.

Judy: Yeah, no…

…

Judy: Sweet cheese and crackers.

…

Judy: Oh carrot sticks.

…

Judy: Oh rhubarb and rutabaga…

Nick: You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Judy: Not the time.

Nick: Still… I think that’s the boredom problem gone.

Judy: I’m not sure if I like it.

.

.

…

Nick: Well, the world hates me.

Judy: Oh, don’t be so melodramatic.

Nick: Is there a rule with these guys? Do they have a bunch of commandments on a wall somewhere? The Fox must suffer.

Judy: Hey, at least you don’t have your character assassinated in some crappy pro-life comic… thing…

Nick: Wait for the sequel.

Judy: Can I not?

Nick: Probs for the best.

Judy: Is it me, or is the internet full of horrible mammals?

Nick: Eternally cynical? Oooh good, I’m rubbing off on you.

Judy: Remind me to shower more.

Nick: Shower more.

Judy: Not now, dumb fox!

Nick: Your mock outrage hides your laugh. Anyhow, looking at the figures… the people like seeing me shot, stuck in prison… -actually no, there’s lots of art of both of us going to jail, and it’s not from the Bellwether truthers… Oooh look, here’s me, a fugitive of a crime I didn’t commit. And again. And again! Boy, is that a popular one. Oh look, something to spice it up. Here I’m not a fugitive.

Judy: Oh good.

Nick: I’m on death row for a crime I may or may not have have committed.

Judy: Well don’t you know? (Also, you typo’d, dumb fox)

Nick: I have have all the haves haves I want, thank you very much.

Judy: And the crime?

Nick: Have, have, have, have…

Judy:…

Nick: Amnesia. Typical.

Judy: Well isn’t the truth revealed later.

Nick: My dear Hopps, old Major Friedkin would have a field day with this one. It’s DEAD.

Judy: Typical.

Nick: Anyhow, we’re forgetting the important things in life here.

Judy: Such as?

Nick: You need to shower more.

Judy: …

Nick: Shall I punch myself?

Judy: If you could.

Nick: Okay then. (Thump). Aaaaand that’s Fox abuse, Fluff.

Judy: (Rolls eyes)

…

Judy: You know, this is just depressing.

Nick: ???

Judy: All these stories of us. Just getting hurt. Or suffering.

Nick: I heard somewhere that the key to great writing was to make characters you love…

Judy: Yes, exactly!

Nick: Then do horrible thing to them.

Judy: …

Nick: Smug mode, activated.

Judy: Listen, we all know that’s a fox’s default setting. But why can’t there just be a fic full of fluff, and happiness, or…

Nick: I don’t know, I… Hmmmm…

Judy: Hmmmm?

Nick: It’s nothing.

Judy: You literally typed it out, so it’s got to be something.

Nick: How do you know I’m not using text to speech?

…

Nick: Cough Cough. Hack…

Judy: Your rampant overacting.

Nick: (Feigns ignorance)

Judy: (Rolls eyes)

Nick: Anyhow, back to the matter at paw?

Judy: Yes?

Nick: You need to shower more.

Judy:…

Nick: Anyhow, I actually did find something fluffy.

Judy: Oh did you now?

Nick: ‘The Fluff Files’

Judy: Lemme look…

…

Judy: Oh that’s nice.

Nick: Yeah. A bunch of fluffy stories with us together.

Judy: That’s nice.

Nick: I mean looking through, there’s us at my mothers (sidenote, I’m a bit worried how close they got her) looking after our babies together.

Judy:…

Nick: ;)

Judy: Listen, I…

…

Judy: Okay, that is cute!

Nick: Yeah. And the next one is us as benders from Avatar.

Judy: Oooh sweet.

Nick: And the next has you being sent on mandatory meditation training.

Judy:…

Nick: And you failing it as you heard a crime outside and couldn’t control yourself.

Judy: (I am in this picture and I do not like it).

Nick: And the next one is lampshading all the pictures of us in jail uniforms.

Judy: But it’s by a different guy. Also, WE’RE GOING AS BONNIE AND FOXY.

Nick: Fine, fine. Is there anything else by this guy.

Judy: There’s a big one full of you trying to kiss me 100 times to make me fall in love with you.

Nick: I am in this picture and I LIKE IT.

Judy: DO NOT GET ANY IDEAS!

Nick: Too late.

Judy: NOPE, NOPE, NOPE…

Nick: Resistance is futile.

Judy: Listen, not that I’m against the idea of us together or something, but we’re not doing that.

Nick: So, you’re for us getting together, huh?

Judy: NO!

Judy: I mean maybe…

Judy: Okay, when we can, we have a date together instead of doing the kissy thing. Sound good?

Nick: Did you just ask me out on a date!? (answer is yes, but still…)

Judy: I… -Uhhhh…

Nick: Are your ears as red as Bogo’s face after Clawhauser ate those donuts booked in as evidence?

Judy: Yes…

Nick: Well, if this mammal wanted to see us together, it seems they’re getting their wish.

Judy: Ah. Only a first date. Most of those fail, after all.

Nick: Fortunately, this one involves a bunny that doesn’t know when to quit.

Judy: Nick…..

Nick: Yup?

Judy: Are you actually… you know… into me?

Nick: Well, Judy. I’ve had a lot of feelings, and a lot of time to think them through.

Judy: Yes…

Nick: And…

Judy: And?

Nick: You need to shower more.

…

…

Nick: Also, you know you love me, do you not?

Judy: Yes… Yes I do.

Nick: Awwww…

Judy: I’m not sure why though.

Nick: Ah, that’s life. You know, I can’t wait for this date!

Judy: You know what… Neither can I.

Nick: Yeah, but what to do until then.

Judy: Read more of this guy’s fanfic?

Nick: An excellent idea, and…

Judy: Nick?

Nick: OH SWEET MOTHER MARIAN! 

Judy: What?

Nick: He did us in as the characters in Zorro!

Judy: OMG I USED TO LOVE THAT SHOW!

Nick: ME TOO! AND YES, I’M ZORRO.

Judy: And I’m the Comandante.

Nick: Yup! You’re mean to begin with!

Judy: You know from experience that I get better.

Nick: With the help of fox irritation.

Judy: The author certainly got that part right…

Nick: Yeah, that’s actually a bit uncanny.

Judy: Yeah, uhhh…

Nick: Judy?

Judy: Yes?

Nick: Are we in a fanfic right now?

Judy: After looking around and making sure, I can confirm we’re not.

Nick: Yeah. But if we’re in a fanfic, that’s exactly what you’d say, isn’t it?

Judy: Nick, are you going into one of those existential phases again?

Nick: I suppose there’s at least one thing we can take comfort in.

Judy: Which is?

Nick: If you die in fanfic you don’t die in real life.

Judy: Ha, ha… Still, this is really fun. And I suppose the person could get all this by making guesses from our public appearances.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah…

…

Nick: They know about Finnick.

Judy: Uh oh…

Nick: Who is this person? Why are they so obsessed with us!?

Judy: I… Maybe Finnick is the writer?

Nick: I’m skimming ahead. They know about Skye! They know about Eliot and Chloe too.

Judy: Does Finnick?

Nick: NO!

Judy: Oh sweet cheese and crackers.

Nick: WE ARE STUCK IN A FANFIC!

Judy: Or maybe Eliot is doing it! That’s right! Creepy stalker wolf! That’s why he made Finnick mute, so he doesn’t have to try getting his voice. I’ll call up Chloe now!

Nick: If I were a better mammal I’d warn Eliot about an incoming fork.

…

Nick: I am not a better mammal.

…

Judy: She says Eliot showed her his account. It’s not him!

Nick: Then WHO? Who is this mysterious mammal out there, writing so much about us? Making fluffy stories about us, and making it so we live happily ever after and… -in this other story they know about my muzzling…

Judy: Oh Nick.

Nick: Though we do get sweet revenge on two of the guys, so I think I’m okay with this.

Judy: You are?

Nick: This is fine.

Judy: Is that imitating that cartoon with the dog in the room on fire?

Nick: Everything is okay. This is fine…

Judy: Yes. This is fine…

Nick: Everything is okay…

Judy: There are no problems at all…

Nick: We go on with our lives as normal…

Judy: No need to feel anything either way…

Nick: This is how it’s meant to be…

Judy: And we are fine…

…

…

Nick: You need to shower more.


End file.
